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  • The Kingdom's Guide to Approaching Other Species
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  • What the Kingdom Would Like To See
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FIVE INDICATIONS A WITCH HAS MOVED INTO YOUR AREA

30/9/2015

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  1. House building materials suddenly change from sensible bricks and mortar to gingerbread and other sweet biscuits and other items. 
  2. You notice a huge rise in the amphibian population and it isn't the breeding season.
  3. There seems to be more apple trees around and they all seem to grow huge red shiny fruit.
  4. Other species move out....  usually in a hurry.
  5. You see black cats around where previously you hadn't and none of them are friendly.  Just like thier owners...
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A MAGICAL EDUCATION

28/9/2015

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Education plays a major part in the fantasy world with the best known examples probably being Sir Terry Pratchett's Unseen University in his Discworld series and Hogwarts, part of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter books.  Libraries are given good publicity in these too (and who could not like a Librarian that goes "oook?!).

In my Fairy Kingdom, the Queen owns the literally central library where the originals of all books in her realm are stored.  All towns and villages have their own smaller libraries with a selection of copy books and every so often this selection is changed by prior arrangement with the Palace.  Eileen's alternative version of Kingdom history is never  allowed out of the Palace and those wanting to read it there have to give their personal details to the Librarian who passes these on to the Queen and her Council.  Surprise, surprise, this puts people off reading them and Eileen is less than happy about it.  Censorship officially doesn't exist in the Queen's realm but it can turn up in disguise!

Reading is compulsory but it is also compulsory to make it fun!  The local libraries play a huge role in this with special events and they are often used as a venue for re-enacting the fairy stories.  There is absolutely no danger of libraries being closed here.  If ever there was proof I write fantasy, that is it!  (Shouldn't be the case but there you go).






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FETES AND SHOWS IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

27/9/2015

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Fetes and shows in the Fairy Kingdom focus on fun, food and family entertainment.  Wizards are in charge of the firework displays.  Cooking is provided by various sprites (they are surprisingly good at this and their fast food stands always attract huge crowds). 

Fairy godmothers tend to put on classic flight displays and stunt flying.  Falconry exists too in the magical realm but it tends to be the higher classes, such as the elves, who indulge in this. 

New spells (having been thoroughly tested first) are often brought to public attention for the first time at a local show.  And one of the most popular things to watch is the target practice where spells are aimed at boards a fair distance off and everyone cheers when a charm makes these boards explode.  Of course it's not such a nice time for the wildlife.  Below is one example of a frog endeavouring to get away from the chaos and before some witch decides to use him as an ingredient (a hazard generally not faced by frogs on Earth it has to be said).

Picture
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UNEXPECTED HEROES IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

25/9/2015

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In some ways there is no such thing as an unexpected hero/heroine in the Fairy Kingdom because, if you take a typical tale, and look at the most unlikely, most downtrodden character, they are inevitably the star.

However, in my novels and stories, the lowest of the magical low are the sprite communities (pixies and imps), despised by everyone else for their constant fighting, their ability to only manage the most basic of spells, their language (very basic at times!) and so on.  So for two sprites, Wes and Stan, to become heroes does shake the realm up because nobody, including them themselves, ever expected they would be the good guys.

Even Eileen, who is less judgemental on others' magical ability than many, does not expect good to come out of sprites so she too is surprised at how Wes and Stan turn out.
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SUBVERSION IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

22/9/2015

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Subversion in the Fairy Kingdom mainly takes the form of disagreeing with the Queen and her Council, which is something Eileen opposes.  She feels that people should be free to criticize their leaders.   Criticism often takes the form of rude limericks scribbled on walls (and is nearly always done by the sprite communities).

Roxannadrell's retort to Eileen was there was criticism and there was criticism.  What was meant was the kind of criticism that could lead to encouragement to rebellious witches and wizards to try to overthrow the government.  Eileen's retort to that was the Queen and her Council should have made that clearer.  Eileen was deeply suspicious the lack of clarity was deliberate in the hope it would discourage criticism of the government at all. 

Roherum very much steers the Fairy News Network to take the government line and regular repetitons of historical battles are replayed on FNN to remind all of what happened when rebellion did break out.
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EILEEN'S TO-DO LIST

21/9/2015

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Prior to her defection, Eileen's typical to-do list would look something like this.

  1. Kill dragon.  There always was one for Eileen to get rid of somewhere to stop some unfortunate village from being reduced to ashes.
  2. Argue with Queen.  Roxannadrell was always convinced this had to be on Eileen's list given not a day went by without Eileen arguing with her about something.
  3. Annoy Brankaresh.  Eileen took a great deal of pleasure from doing this, feeling it was part of her public service remit to annoy the smarmy, treacherous sod.
  4. Train Hanastrew.  It takes time to train a well qualified fairy well enough for her to be a successful fighting fairy godmother, against whom the forces of evil have a very hard time indeed.
  5. Practice magic.  Eileen was dedicated to this, seeing it as vital to her continued success and survival.  Eileen liked looking into magical developments and adopting those that might be useful to her.
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FESTIVALS IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

20/9/2015

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Each town and village in the Fairy Kingdom has its annual fete, celebrating local achievements, but the realm has a whole has one major festival.  This is the Celebrating Our Heritage festival held in mid-summer and commemorates fairytales of all kinds.  All magical beings from witches to fairy godmothers to ill-used stepdaughters celebrate this event.  The stories are retold and re-enacted and a good time has had by all.

The festival is split into sections.  One day will look at the fairytales from the viewpoint of the good guys.  Another will look at them from the viewpoint of the witches, the ogres, the bad guys.  The final day looks at how fairytales are remembered on other planets including Earth and there is usually a vote held by all attendees as to which is the favourite tale for that year.  It's usually a choice between Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty but occasionally tales like The Red Shoes gets voted in when people fancy a change from the standard top three.

Food and drink flows freely.  There is an amnesty between the wicked and the good so this event goes unopposed by all.  Roherum and the Fairy News Network film it all and replay it at the end of the year as a look back at the event.
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HOUSE BUILDING IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

19/9/2015

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Although the basic principles of "how" to build houses are the same as on Earth, there are differences in what you can expect when house building in the magical realm.

  1. Animals build houses, not just humanoids.  Little pigs are renowned for this though some of their choices of building materials are questionable.
  2. Strange materials for house building include sweets, gingerbread and other things that might just entice the unwary into a witch's oven.  She does so love a decent roast...
  3. Little pigs in particular can expect their handiwork to be vigorously tested by a wolf.
  4. Houses belonging to grandmas can expect to be taken over (briefly) by a wolf who displays an unusual aptitude for cross dressing.
  5. If you like a nice warm environment, then at all costs avoid the Ice Queen's house.  She, and it, are well named.
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COOKING IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

18/9/2015

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Cooking is appreciated in the Fairy Kingdom, as much as it is on Earth.  It is thought (though not proven) if you use magic to produce food, some of its qualities will permeate what is being "cooked" and so the taste is simply not as good as home baked, well produced fruit and vegetables.

The Queen has given instructions to her Household keeper and the kitchens they are to look for new recipe ideas from around the universes.  She does not want to eat Griffin Surprise or Dodo Stew on the grounds these species are endangered enough already.  Besides eating the cuisine from another world promotes understanding in a way that most would enjoy. 

Bright, shiny red apples are treated with suspicion, as are those selling them.  There are regular government health warnings about gingerbread made cottages and sometimes dire pictorial images are up showing gums and teeth at their worst.

Cooking is by frying, oven and grill cooking.  There is no such thing as a microwave in the Fairy Kingdom.  The realm cannot understand why we humans want our food in such a hurry.  Hanastrew practices a little cooking in her rooms at the Palace after a hard day and finds it therapeutic.






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WOODLAND WALKS IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

18/9/2015

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Woodland walks in the Fairy Kingdom differ significantly from those we take here.  Some of the major differences are:-

  1. You will meet bears going off for a walk whilst waiting for their breakfast to cool down, unaware as they stroll their lovely house is being broken into by a greedy golden haired kid.
  2. You will meet bears who live in a house!
  3. You will meet a talking wolf who has his own agenda, thank you.   Note:  would pay you not to dress up in a red cloak or be carrying a picnic basket.  These things seem to bring out the worst in this animal.
  4. The trees are known to talk, not just amongst themselves, but out loud and their language is known to be dodgy especially if they've just spotted the woodchopper on his way to grandma's house.  What they want to know is what he'll be doing with that axe once he's dealt with the talking wolf.
  5. Occasionally the trees themselves will uproot themselves to go into a better position (usually far, far away from any woodchopper).  This can be disconcerting until you've seen this a few times and realise for the magical realm this kind of thing is normal behaviour.
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ROHERUM'S TOP FIVE PET HATES

17/9/2015

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This post was almost called Roherum's Top Five Pet HATS!  (Another time perhaps!).

Roherum, that doyenne of the Fairy News Network (or its scourge as the weatherman likes to think of him), has his peeves and some of these are:-

  1. The weatherman - for blatantly being after Roherum's job, always undermining him and making him look and feel foolish (though the weatherman would claim Roherum does that all on his own).
  2. Anyone criticizing his journalism.  Roherum fondly believes this means just the weatherman and his cronies and has failed to realise/spot most of the Fairy Kingdom has at least one valid criticism of the goblin's journalistic "skills".  Fortunuately for Roherum, he does go down well with the young and the old though the weatherman claim the former don't know any better and the latter are too tired to insist on decent reporting standards any more.
  3. Radio.  Roherum consists this inferior to fairyvision precisely because there are no pictures. He does not understand what humans "see" in it and the odd attempt to launch the magical realm equivalent of radio only makes the goblin sneer about it publicly.  And his word does carry a lot of weight given he does bring in the ratings...  the weatherman says it's because the Kingdom is waiting to see what foolishness Roherum comes out with next and what will the damage be.
  4. Humans.  Though in fairness the goblin does share this with most of the Fairy Kingdom.
  5. Being left out of any social circle.  Roherum does pride himself on having a reasonably good status in the Fairy Kingdom (as he does because he has no rival and someone has to present the news).  So to not get invited to suitably nice gatherings upsets Roherum immensely. The weatherman, of course, loves that!
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HANASTREW'S TOP FIVE PET HATES

16/9/2015

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Hanastrew always looked up to Eileen and still sees her as one of the Fairy Kingdom's all time great fairy godmothers but that doesn't mean the younger woman approves of all her ex-mentor has done, far from it. 

For Hanastrew the magical life is everything and she is at a total loss in even trying to understand why Eileen defected to be with the human she loves.  Hanastrew felt Eileen's other concern of magical power abuses would have been better tackled by Eileen herself staying in the magical realm. 

Hanastrew's most vehement hates then are:-

  1. Eileen's defection.  Hanastrew feels Eileen has abandoned her calling.  Eileen does too.  The difference?  Eileen isn't at all sorry!
  2. Misuse of magic, almost certainly for evil purposes.
  3. Salad.  Hanastrew sees this as food for herbivores and she isn't one.
  4. Those who dislike chocolate or want it banned because it is an Earth import.  Hanastrew loves chocolate and thinks it is one of the better things humans have come up with.
  5. Having her bath and/or shower disturbed because yet another emergency has cropped up and she has to go running.  Hanastrew does appreciate her down time relaxing in the bath/shower.
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EILEEN'S TOP FIVE PET HATES

15/9/2015

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I have to limit this listing to five because Eileen can come up with many, many more things for this list.  (As could the Queen incidentally and given their lists would both include each other's behaviour, an almighty row would be the result).

Eileen's greatly condensed list then is:-

  1. Cruelty to man, sprite, magical being or beast.  She loathes injustice on the grounds it leads to cruelty.
  2. Pollution and she blames mankind for that on Earth.  There has been many a time she has been tempted to use her wand to put some of this right but has resisted as she feels it will cause more problems than it will solve.  For a start, someone will want to know, and investigate, what happened.  Eileen does not want to reveal there is magic on Earth, yet alone a magical being.  She's had all the exposure she could ever want on those grounds back in her old life.
  3. Her inability to make a decent cup of tea.  It frustrates her.  She thinks her magic gets in the way somehow but this doesn't explain why the average witch can and does come up with at least a half-reasonable brew (which is more than what Eileen can manage).
  4. Salesmen.  Her wand finger has itched to turn some of the more persistent into toads but to date she has resisted.   Of course, whether she should resist is a different matter.
  5. Library closures.  Eileen is all for the sharing of knowledge so closing libraries goes right against this.  She is also a huge fan of books (even if they're "just" for entertainment) not only because she loves a good read herself but takes the attitude if you spot someone reading, that same someone is not on the streets rioting or causing any other form of trouble.  Book reading is to be encouraged then!  Library closures really don't help...
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ROHERUM'S IDEA OF TOUGH QUESTIONING

13/9/2015

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Roherum, my goblin presenter "hero" of Fairy News Network, is legendary for what he comes up with on air.  He believes he has the perfect interview technique and is not afraid to ask tough questions.  Some of his more memorable moments are:-

  1. Is wearing the crown heavy?  No, no, Ma'am.  I wasn't referring to the responsibility.  Just the weight of the thing.  Just how heavy is it?  This gem came when Roherum was speaking to the Queen just after she opened a new library (this is how you can tell I write fantasy incidentally!  No prizes for guessing what I think of library closures)... 
  2. Is it difficult being a dwarf?  I guess there has to be a height qualification to ensure quality...  The dwarves couldn't believe this either when Roherum speculated on this during a mini series looking at the best and worst of each magical grouping in the Fairy Kingdom.
  3. Dragons?  Who'd have them?  What Roherum forgot was the answer to this is "nobody" but in a magical realm, where dragons live happily and in abundance, there isn't a choice on this.  (The weatherman, Roherum's rival for the top presenting job, lives in hope that the goblin will actually ask a dragon this one day and get "fired" for it).
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THE QUEEN'S TOP FIVE PET HATES

13/9/2015

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Roxannadrell has many things she loathes but some of her pet hates are:-

  1. Humanity's polluting and warlike qualities.  Not our finest attributes.
  2. Council meetings waffling on for far too long.  Many would identify with that here.
  3. Roherum's idea of tough questioning.  Roxannadrell always winces at what he comes up with.
  4. Pretentious art reviews. Roxannadrell prefers the get to the point kind of comment.
  5. Those who don't like books and/or reading.
Eileen's lists of dislikes is a lot longer...


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ROHERUM'S GAFFES...

11/9/2015

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Our goblin presenter "hero" at the Fairy News Network is legendary for his gaffes.  A few of them are below and are all taken from his comments added to news items.  He ignores all advice he shouldn't do this, he should let the news speak for itself, being totally convinced the Fairy Kingdom does want his comments.  That he needs to guide the realm...  Given everybody else, even the Queen, is not going to convince him otherwise, they let him get on with it but his choice of words at times has become legendary.

  1. Dragons make good firelighters.  This was Roherum trying to find the bright side after a dragon attack on a village.  It didn't go down well.
  2. There aren't any virgins in Stamrexabury.  Roherum tried to reassure the villagers here their habitation would be spared and showed why.  He was wrong on both counts.  The dragon concerned did manage to find someone who qualified and ate them.
  3. Dwarves are ideal miners because of their size.  Someone tall and lanky would get in their own way as they tried to get the gold or other minerals out.  There were complaints about this.  Not from the dwarves but from those over 4' height (tall by Fairy Kingdom standards).  They pointed out sizeist jokes go both ways (literally up and down) and they too are fed up with it.
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FAIRY KINGDOM VILLAGES

9/9/2015

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Villages in the magical realm are not identkit.  Each has something unique to it.  And there is a lot of rivalry and competition for the Best Kept Village Award every year.  Each village is organized around a square grid and has its own pub, library, grocery, place of worship (for those who want to, there is no compulsion about religious observance here) and public gardens.  The latter have a wide range of flora and fauna, most of which is more brightly coloured than anything we have on Earth.

Sprites are despised for many reasons, including fighting, which does not help when the Best Kept Village Award is due to be made, but they are also lousy at keeping their residences looking nice and are generally felt to let the side down.  The only good thing is that this applies to all the villages so no one place is discriminated against here.  Sprites are an untidy, uncouth lot wherever they are.

Building materials range from brick to straw (though houses are not made of the latter.  The lessons in The Three Little Pigs have been well learned.  Also with dragon attacks a very real possibility, things are kept as non-inflammable as possible to limit damage as much as possible).  Locals do have to be careful when using stone for building with as it has been known for the odd troll to be "picked up" by accident from the local heaps of stones and mayhem is the usual result. 


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A DAY OUT AT THE BEACH IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

8/9/2015

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The main differences between a day out at the beach here and in the magical realm are:-

  1. We don't have that many fairy godmothers, wizards etc turning up at ours.
  2. Acrobatic flying displays in the magical realm are put on by the fairy godmothers, witches keen to show off their flying skills on a broom etc and not by the Red Arrows.
  3. There is a wider variety of fish in the seas in the magical world and the colours of them are more vivid.
  4. Nobody but nobody, not even the darkest Lord, would dream of littering the beach or clogging up the sea with plastic in the magical realm.  Some things are just beyond the pale...
  5. Fighting on the beaches in the magical realm always ends up with someone being transformed into something they hadn't anticipated.  In really bad cases, it's a case of being transformed from alive to dead.
  6. Nobody has trouble lighting a barbecue in the magical realm.  Even the lowliest of sprites knows a fire starting spell (though many wish they didn't).
  7. Swimming is less popular in the magical realm (some fairies hate getting their wings wet).
  8. Nobody in the magical realm understands why some of us like Punch and Judy given it is a tale about domestic violence. 
  9. Sand comes in multi colours (and nobody would dream of putting it in bottles and selling it at inflated prices to people).
  10. Icecream is as popular in the magical world as it is here because the Fairy Kingdom "borrowed" the concept (i.e.  nicked it and the sprite communities are usually the ones who sell the stuff).
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MORE AUTUMNAL CHANGES IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

6/9/2015

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  1. As the evenings draw in and the nights become longer, your chances of sighting a witch out on her rounds are greatly increased. 
  2. Chances of spotting old apple women selling suspiciously bright red apples are also high.
  3. Sprites will get drunk on cider as opposed to beer.
  4. Various species have bonfires to clear garden rubbish and as an excuse to entertain but most are wary of any kind of fire until they have established for themselves that the fire was not caused by a dragon.
  5. Wizards will show off their magical abilities with fireworks at this time of year.  The Queen holds a celebration of the best.  It once was a competition but the inter-wizard rivalry became so intense she felt it best just to celebrate the best fireworks of each wizard taking part and so reduce tensions. 
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COLOUR IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

6/9/2015

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Colours in the Fairy Kingdom are intense.  Blue skies are a deep shade of blue.  When storm clouds come over they are jet black.  Even beige is a deeper shade than we know on Earth.

So when it comes to home decorating, one coat of paint is all that is needed.  Those with any interest in art and DIY will paint as we do.  Those without any interest will use magic to get the paint on the wall.  (Get the spell wrong though and that paint can end up anywhere.  Water can be bad enough here, just ask the Sorcerer's Apprentice.).

The Queen's Palace has rooms in every shade imaginable.  Roxannadrell loves colour and has been known to change her gown so she blends with whatever room she is in.  (A quick tap with her wand ensures the change is painless and convenient).  Occasionally this can make the monarch difficult to find!  (She has been known to do this deliberately when she decides she really cannot face the Council again).


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CHANGING OF THE SEASONS - GOING INTO AUTUMN

5/9/2015

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I know we're only just into September but already I can sense the turn of the season from summer into autumn.  There is more of a nip in the air, it isn't light for quite so long in the evenings and so on.  Those senses of change also occur in my fictional Fairy Kingdom but magic also rears its (sometimes) ugly head.  For example:-

  1. The autumn leaves become spectacular colours. Hey, you may say, we get that here.  True but what we don't get are leaves in colours such as skyblue pink, violent violet and so on.  Nor do we get leaves that change their "minds" about what colours they're going to be half way through the process.
  2. Light levels drop off earlier in the evening and there are spectacular sunsets.  The latter are greeted with a massive fanfare of trumpets throughout the Kingdom so everyone goes outside to witness said sunset.
  3. Some birds and animals migrate within the Fairy Kingdom (usually from the coast to further inland where it is warmer) but they use magic to help them travel faster.  While this drains their energy it also means they can stay in their usual home until the very last minute yet be sure of getting out of the way of the wilder weather in time.  Most consider the use of magic worth it as it helps them make the most of food sources.

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THE JOYS OF PAPERBACKS

4/9/2015

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My favourite book format is likely to remain the paperback, which I think is the best invention to hit publishing since Caxton developed his ideas.

  1. Paperbacks are truly flexible.
  2. Paperbacks are relatively cheap.  You'd spend far more on an evening out at the cinema etc.
  3. There are some wonderful paperback covers out there.  I've got several of the old Discworld novels and they really are works of art.
  4. If the worst happens and you drop the book into a bath, you can at least dry out a paperback.  If not, for whatever reason, the paperwork is easily and cheaply replaced.
  5. You don't need batteries with a paperback.
  6. You don't annoy others when you read a paperback on the train. 
  7. Unless you laugh out loud, paperbacks are a silent form of entertainment!



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THE BEST THINGS ABOUT FAIRYTALES

2/9/2015

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  1. Justice is nearly always seen to be done.
  2. When justice is not done, there is still a strong moral point to fairytales.  And this is got across without preaching.  It is a natural conclusion to the story you pick up for yourself.
  3. There is often a lot of humour in fairytales.
  4. They can make great films including spoofs of standard characters.  See Shrek for a good example of this.
  5. They are timeless.
  6. They can be sharp, short and to the point or a standard story length (2000 words) but whichever type they are, their characters and the outcomes are memorable.
  7. Every culture has their own set(s) of fairytales so they are truly global.
  8. They are so often the introduction to other stories and books for children.  A love of stories and reading has to start somewhere and fairytales (after nursery rhymes) are the classic way in to a lifetime's love of literature.  It was for me!
  9. Not a word is out of place in any fairytale and they are also usually great examples of the Rule of 3.  Two crises and then the resolution and while you know this is going to be the pattern, you're still gripped by it.
  10. Fairytales and their themes can be a great starting point for your own stories and novels.
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    Author

    I'm Allison Symes and I write novels, short stories as well as some scripts and poems.  I love setting my work in my magical world, the Fairy Kingdom, and my favourite character is Eileen, who believes hypocrisy is something that happens to other people without caring that statement is hypocritical in itself!  Eileen is huge fun to write for and about. 

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