The Queen, when not gardening or riding around either directly on the backs of her unicorns or in a carriage being pulled by them, loves practising her spells.  Near her gardening patch is a bare area of land which she uses as her target/practise area.  Everyone in the Palace has seen this area illuminated with strangely coloured lights several times and all anybody knows is that it’s a jolly good idea to stay out of the way.  Even Eileen didn’t query that.  When in the Kingdom, Eileen had her own practice area, which was several times bigger than the Queen’s but it needed to be.  The Queen and her staff lost count of how many targets have been deliberately obliterated by Eileen.  The numbers went up when she was in a temper!

Christmas is celebrated by the “good guys” in the realm such as the Queen and Eileen.  They acknowledge God as their boss and acknowledge Jesus’s miracles as being far above anything they could do.  The season is not celebrated in quite the same way as Christians do so on Earth.  There is a smaller festive banquet and people exchange one gift with one person.  It is also expected that fairies will grant either one special (non selfish) wish on that day or will do something particularly good to salute the day by.  The favourite part of the Christmas story is the visit by the angels to the shepherds.  The Fairy Kingdom thinks peace on Earth is long over due and blames the species responsible - humans.

The Kingdom also remembers Easter and again acknowledges the supremacy of God’s power regarding the resurrection.  The fairy world has absolutely no idea where the Easter bunny comes from though - it is not their idea.  The Queen and Eileen both adore chocolate, thinking it one of humanity’s better ideas.  They both adore new life coming along in the spring though in their world it leads to the birth of new dragons, orcs, trolls and so on.  The latter two are not a problem as long as they’re in the Queen’s employment!  Neither the Queen nor Eileen like “cutesy” stuff - the Queen thinks it demeaning and Eileen just wants to throw up when she comes across any examples of it.  Not for her and Derek the “with all my love to my darling Bunnikins.”  Indeed Eileen feels those writing such things need a decent dunking in the nearest horse trough in the hope it will encourage some sense and get people expressing love for their spouses/partners in a sensible manner.

Eileen, if not so incensed with the Queen and her obsession with getting her family back in the Kingdom no matter how dodgy a method is needed to achieve that, would gladly have helped the green lobby at home.   She led the way in not being prejudiced against someone being a witch or a wizard just because of that.  She is however prejudiced against all sorts of evil.  Eileen does support the green lobby on Earth, recycling whatever she can.  She sees taking care of the environment as welcome proof that not all humans are unthinking, uncaring swine.  The late Rose (Fresidan) would’ve agreed with Eileen here.  Indeed Rose had written so many books on Kingdom flora and fauna, she would’ve been the natural head of the green lobby in the magical realm.  Her loss is felt by those who care most about restoring the land.

Treachery is considered the biggest crime in the Kingdom as so many of the Queen’s and Eileen’s ancestors either came to the throne or were rapidly dispatched from said throne thanks to betrayal.  Brankaresh’s betrayal hurt the Queen since she’d done much to further the wretch’s career but she forgot it doesn’t just take money or the promise of power to make someone turn.  In Brankaresh’s case his genuine belief no woman could rule alone was his guiding principle.  Ironically since in dealing with Brankaresh, the Queen has more than proved she can rule alone.  Indeed she and Elizabeth Tudor have much in common here.  Also acts of treachery remind the Queen that her realm is far from perfect, that it has traits in common with humanity (not something she wants to be reminded of) and that she too is vulnerable to a traitor.  It does explain her actions after the Kingdom is restored.  And Eileen’s twitchiness too - a panic stricken monarch can never be good for the realm.

The Queen endeavours to visit each of the realm’s 7 regions in the course of a Kingdom year (15 months as opposed to our 12 though they have 7 days in a week).  The barren regions she tries to get out of the way early in her touring season so she can then focus on enjoying the rest of her visits.  Few live in the barren regions but some stay there due to family ties and others are employed by the fairy government to do what they can to drain the excess magic from too many battles out of the land.  Some progress has been made but the magic has to be drained out “manually”.  More spells would be like adding more litter to an oil spill - no good at all.  Those in the barren areas appreciate the royal visits, knowing the rest of the Kingdom tends to forget all about them deliberately.  The Queen hopes, in her lifetime, to see at least a small area here fully restored.

The Council do not travel around the Kingdom much.  Each and every Council member goes back to their constituencies at holiday times and some (but not all) weekends.  In the Kingdom, it is the royals who are most in touch with the common people.  Having said that, certain Council members are better than others at remembering there is life outside the Palace and they’d do well to listen to people’s concerns.  L’Evallier is very good, as is Rodish, then later Balkish and, perhaps surprisingly, D’Dathson, the orc.  It should be said that it isn’t this currrent Council who are guility of benign neglect here.  It’s been a fact of life since the Council concept was adopted.  But it does explain why the royals, even the defecting Eileen, can usually guarantee getting a warm welcome anywhere and why the Council does not.

Some of the more green minded fairies, the better thinking witches and wizards, are beginning to team up to try to restore some of the Kingdom’s barren areas.  FNN has suggested this is a kind of collective guilt for actions taken by the ancestors of these people.  This only produced an angry response from the green minded and led to the FNN studios being turned into an upside down frying pan during a thunderstorm.  Everyone was soaked.  Equipment was wrecked and had to be replaced.  FNN have not offended these people again.  The Queen and Council approve of these green-minded beings’ work (and the treatment of FNN).  The main problem faced is that magic cannot be used to undo the damage done by the earlier magic.  The land needs a kind of massive drainage scheme to get rid of the magic remaining in it and this is what these people are working on.

L’Evallier would not dream of writing his memoirs though Roherum has often suggested it and offered serialisation on his Books Review slot.  L’Evallier would adore the Books Review programme if it was presented by somebody else!  The elf feels the goblin just wants the family secrets, which Roherum has been honest enough to admit though the presenter did say it would be L’Evallier’s opportunity to put things from his perspective.  It is an opportunity L’Evallier has no intention of taking - the thought of Roherum reading the family secrets makes the elf and Melanbury feel ill, though other members of their families have filed the goblin’s offer away for future reference.  After all death duties have to be paid by someone… and such a book would be a great way of having to avoid selling something precious.

The Lord Chamberlain does not have time for hobbies as such but he is a collector of the smaller works of fine art, specialising in miniature portraits.  His wage is a generous one and the Queen always gives him new miniature portrait (usually of a landscape) for his birthday and Christmas.  He displays these works all over his Palace suite and word has got out it is resembling an art gallery these days.  He is allowed access to the Queen’s experts on fine art collections and care of such work.  He spends time in the Library researching miniature portrait artists.  Nor is he fussy about where these artists come from.  To date he has collected from within the Kingdom but now he is looking towards Earth…  For all humanity’s thoughts, we have produced some decent portrait painters, a fact that has not escaped his notice.

The Queen does allow promising artists of all species in to the Palace grounds for portrait painting of the landscape.  This is limited to two days in spring, two days in summer, two days in autumn and two days in winter.  If the Queen likes the work produced, the artist gives her the original, which is hung in the Grand Hall, and is allowed to sell reproductions to the general public.  If however Her Majesty does not like the portrait, the artists leaves the Palace hurriedly and does not return ever.  On the plus side this is more humane than what Gwendolyn did.  If her sense of artistry was offended, the one doing the offending tended to die.  The Palace does have the biggest portrait collection though estates like L’Evallier’s runs the monarch close here. 

The weatherman is roughly akin to the Bill Pertwee character of the obnoxious ARP Warden Hodges in the wonderful Dad’s Army save in this case the weatherman could have and should have done better for himself.  He is more intelligent than Roherum, writes and reads well, could make a good journalist on the lines of say Paxman or Humphries but the guy ended up pushing clouds around on a map.  Why?  Because the weatherman did  not do as well at school as he could’ve done as he rebelled.  Because even when he tried to make up for it later at college, he missed opportunities.  And instead of being honest with his own failures, he blamed others.  He really resents Roherum for the charm the goblin shows no matter what the provocation.  Had the weatherman tried to show any kind of charm, it would’ve had the additional benefits of helping him gain friends and aid his career.  Roherum’s main plus point is nobody hates him.  The only reason the weatherman is the weatherman is he is the most qualified for the job but he isn’t really liked. 

The Palace Housekeeper is so devoted to her art she writes a series of books aimed at all sections of the Kingdom as to how to cook, clean and keep accurate records just as the Queen does.  The books are bestsellers and the Housekeeper gives some of her royalties to charities she knows her boss supports.  The rest the Housekeeper sees as a welcome addition to her pension pot.  The style of writing is down to earth much to the Lord Chamberlain’s surprise.  He likes the books but would have preferred a more formal style, as befitting the Housekeeper’s rank.  The Housekeeper is currently writing another volume focussing on the importance of thorough cleaning and how to do it after a visit from the late unlamented Chief Witch.  This book is also selling well.

The Librarian occasionally issues pamphlets indicating the latest additions to the Palace’s lending book collection.  Every detail of any new addition is listed from title and author to the font and printing system used to the Librarian’s opinion of the book.  Sometimes the Queen overrules the Librarian to insist a new magical work gets put into the system (the latter prefers to allow a “settling in” period of at least a century to prove the new book has staying power).  The Librarian indicates this, usually fairly forthrightly.  The Queen finds this amusing.  The rest of the Palace waits for a huge row to occur as the Librarian does have enough powers to cause problems but the latter also knows a good employer on landing one and isn’t going to rock the boat that much.

Each group keeps its own records and histories.  Most of the time these tally with the official royal records but there are discrepancies, particularly in groups such as the orcs, who did not always support the royals.  The Queen would like a copy of these different records to add to the official archives but no group has been willing to open these things up to anybody who isn’t from their species.  The Queen is trying the gently, gently approach here, hoping the “wouldn’t it be a good idea if the official records contained everything including dissenting views from the official line sometimes?” but so far nothing.  Eileen backs the Queen on this.  And the Librarian would love to see the monarch’s idea take off.  There’s nothing the Librarian loves more than to have more books to protect and file away.

FNN are still itching to cover the first big fairy royal wedding as the Queen’s mother and her government stopped them covering her big day, fearing the broadcasters would be disrespectful.   Naturally FNN insisted they wouldn’t be.  Even more naturally the late Queen and her government didn’t believe them.  There was no way FNN would cover Eileen’s wedding given its controversial nature and the fact Eileen would have their guts for garters over voicing the mere idea yet alone doing something about it.  FNN are waiting patiently for Roxannadrell to wed and have high hopes of the new Chief Wizard, Abstar, as the Queen does seem taken with them and the Council likes him.  But nobody with any sense will be rushing to place bets on any wedding here as they all suspect the Queen would hear of it and cancel any plans immediately.

Roherum likes to keep himself to himself when he’s off duty.  Nor does he want the public calling in on him at home.  He addresses the public, it’s never the other way round as far as he’s concerned.  He does some gardening for himself and some elderly neighbours to his right.  This is appreciated.  Roherum is far nicer off screen than on but is fearful of letting that niceness show as he anticipates the weatherman running riot with it.  Roherum sees it as his role to keep that meddling pest at bay.  After the abortive attempt by the weatherman to keep Roherum off air and to take over the presenter’s role went horribly wrong, that meddling pest has become reluctant to stir things up too much.  There is such a thing as too much trouble.

Rodish, later Balkish’s, immediate family run the Manor House near Amnerbury, the traditional constituency seat for the Chief Dwarf.  The house is for the convenience of non-dwarvish visiting species.  Rodish, and later Balkish, still prefer to spend as much time down the mines as possible.  The house is well and luxuriously equipped and there’s never any shortage of decent beer but Rodish liked to escape towards the back of the property where he had his own tunnel which linked up with the nearest mine.  It really was a case of getting away from it all.  The house is given to the dwarf elected Chief Dwarf and they are meant to give it back once their tenure is up.  So far this has not proved to be a problem but accommodation is highly valued and Eileen fears this issue will raise its ugly head at a later date...

Eileen’s story has coloured Jenny’s views on fiction too.  Where Jenny had loved Lord of the Rings now she sees it as a potential warning to anyone foolish enough to get caught up in a magical world.  It also gives her a cast list of unpleasant magical beings that might take it into their heads, or other suitable orifices, to come and visit her.  These days Jenny reads far more non-fiction, British based history especially, as she likes things rooted in a world and country she knows.  Eileen doesn’t blame Jennifer for taking this attitude but takes a different line.  Eileen sees Lord of the Rings as a potential documentary - okay it didn’t happen on her world but she knows there are other magical worlds around.  She sees the trilogy as advance information!

The Kingdom, despite its general loathing of humanity for warmongering and pollution, is developing sympathy for Jenny.  They too see Eileen as having dropped her daughter in it.  They also see the Queen trying to use Jenny for her own purposes.  They don’t like it any more than Jenny does.  It is some comfort to her that the magical realm doesn’t want her presence any more than she wants theirs.  L’Evallier would like to do more to help Jenny.  Funnily enough so does Melanbury but only because she loathes hybrids.  Whilst not a pure blood maniac, she fears cross-breeds of any kind. In Jenny’s case, Melanbury has some cause to worry.  Nobody is sure just how much magic Jenny is capable of - and that goes for Jenny herself.

FNN report on Eileen’s activities on Earth every so often.  The Queen has told her cousin about this but to date Eileen has refused to even watch the wretched show.  This has annoyed Roxannadrell who had been banking on Roherum’s unrivalled talent for inanity to rile Eileen enough to make the godmother come storming back into the Kingdom, the idea being she’d never leave it again.  However Eileen in the life she led prior to defection has had to query everything so knows a set-up when she sees one.  The Queen has decided to cut her losses here and the show demonstrates Earth’s negative qualities regularly too.  This would not surprise Eileen and most in the realm can see through this device (while still disliking humanity, they also hate propaganda and feel the Queen should abstain from doing this).

The Palace Household staff have regular meetings amongst themselves.  They do this by type of employee - all the maids meet, all the butlers and so on.  There is a huge AGM which all attend.  The Queen does not go.  Any concerns raised by these meetings do go directly to her.  In her nastier moods, the monarch could see Eileen having an alternative role as a militant shop steward.  Eileen denies this - she has moments when she can be reasonable.  Besides most shop stewards are genuinely trying to care for their members.  One of the pleasanter tasks of the meetings is to arrange the annual trips out for the hardworking Palace staff.  Later, of course, the Christmas rosters are drawn up.  The Queen likes to join in with nice traditions like Chrismas and thinks it a good way to keep in with the Ultimate Authority at the same time.

L’Evallier’s household is effectively run by his parents with some assistance provided by Melanbury’s mother and father, given the happy couple are busy at the Palace and do not go back to their ancestral estates that often.  Naturally these households are efficiently run as the noblest elf families see it as an obligation and a pleasure to ensure all such grand estates are run well.  A monthly, formal report is sent to L’Evallier, though he and his wife are now thinking of going “home” once every three months or so once Melanbury’s had the baby and life is a bit more settled. Both are conscious their child should be aware of life outside the Palace as well as be in more contact with his/her own family.

Eileen would like nothing better than to be a normal granny but also knows this is highly unlikely.  With the Queen in such an intrangisent mood, Eileen is well aware she is likely to have to sacrifice herself to shield her daughter and grandson.  While not minding that in itself, she does resent the Queen for her attitude.   In Eileen’s eyes, only Eileen is allowed to be awkward.  The Queen knows Jennifer and Edward are the perfect weapons to blackmail Eileen with.  L’Evallier does not approve of this and is trying to rein his regal boss in, pointing out frequently the Kingdom’s distrust of any species with any amount of human blood in its veins and this is having some effect.  The monarch is aware she cannot push her people too far.  Her great-granny did that with dreadful consequences.

Eileen adjusts her appearance every so often to reassure her Earthly neighbours but  the addition of odd grey hairs is not enough to fool anyone.  Jenny thinks her mother is trying to cover up this “impediment!  But Jenny forgets her mother practically invented the idea of undercover work on other planets and how to ensure one’s cover was never wrecked.  Privately Jenny has taken note of some of Eileen’s appearance spells, planning to use them in reverse to keep her appearance young looking!  Ironically this is practically what most fairies do but Eileen has not had the heart and/or courage to tell her daughter this.  Jenny is not going to take this well and Eileen is sick of arguing with her at the moment.

Jenny and Eileen’s neighbours have no reason to suspect anything amiss, something the two ladies have done a great deal to ensure.  Even Jenny can see the usefulness of magic here to prevent unfortunate questions though she still hates using it at all.  Eileen has not enlightened her daughter as to the various nasty species in space who feed on magic (and which have attacked the Kingdom in the past to get a plentiful supply of it by literally feasting on the realm’s inhabitants).  Eileen can’t help but feel ignorance is bliss here though in fairness she is on alert for anything amiss approaching Earth.  Let’s just say Eileen is highly unlikely to put out the welcome mat.  Nor does Eileen feel capable of dealing with what she thinks would be Jennifer’s hysterics if the girl did know there is life in the wide blue yonder, most of which you wouldn’t want to meet in open spaces and daylight yet alone a dark alley!

Jenny and Paul were thrilled to discover they were going to become parents as they were waiting for their IVF appointment to come through at the time.  However, Jenny was less than thrilled to discover she is half magical thanks to Eileen but her own son has inherited magic from both his mother and grandmother.  Jenny is determined magic will not

As Eddie grows, Jenny and Paul enjoy taking him out on day trips to soft play areas, Marwell Zoo, swimming and so on.  Jenny refuses to take Eddie to anywhere that refers to magic so the Harry Potter films are out but given Eddie’s only just going into toddlerhood, that may be as well.  Jenny has read the books and enjoyed them but this was prior to her mother’s announcement.  To say Jenny’s views are now prejudiced is something of an understatement.  She has no time at all for dodgy wizards.  And while she’s got more sympathy for brave ones, Jenny’s sceptical enough to query why they’ve had to be brave and sure enough there you’ll find a dodgy wizard par excellence.  Jenny only wishes her mother’s story had been fictional, perhaps the result of a brain storm or something.  Alas!  Not all wishes are granted.

Eddie has shown some magical abilities already in that he’s managed to obliterate daisies just by pointing at them.  Jenny is trying hard not to worry about this feeling that if she does, it will attract unwanted attention from “up there”.  Just as Eddie will outgrow certain traits as a human (temper tantrums, the need for nappies), Jenny wants her son to outgrow the magical tendency too and feels the best way of achieving this is to not to make fuss about any magic, to ignore it, to let it die a natural death.  The one drawback is this won’t work as her mother tried this with her and look where it achieved for Eileen and Jenny.  The one positive is Eileen will sympathize with Jenny here.  If Eileen can find a discreet way of giving Jenny a hand with this, she will.  Eileen’s problem is not to offend Jenny further (mother interfering etc) or to again draw the attention of the Queen.

Jenny is hoping when Eddie starts school full time and learns to fit in with others that will also help her anti-magic  campaign.  Jenny knows Eileen won’t be able to say much about this as it is crucial nothing gives away their background.  The only worry is would the Queen disrupt the life of an innocent child to force Eileen and Jenny to do as she wants.  Eileen would like to put all manner of protection spells on her grandson but knows now Jenny would spot them.  Jenny is banking on the Queen’s anti-humanity stance to help her here.  Time will tell…  Right now Paul and Jenny are trying to make the most of Eddie not being at school such as taking off-peak holidays.  Paul has recently started working longer hours Monday to Thursday so he can finish at 1 p.m. on Fridays.  Friday afternoons now are spent with Jenny and Eddie, often going out, avoiding the weekend crowds.

The Queen sometimes will allow herself to go on “virtual tours” of Earth based stately homes and gardens by using her crystal ball, tapping on it the co-ordinates of the place she wants to “visit” (which she uses her wand to calculate) and then she can view whatever she wants in the location chosen.  She is usually impressed with what she sees and often copies gardening ideas in her own grounds.  She uses her powers to generate copies of fine furniture that she liked the look of so around her Palace you will find many instances of objects that could’ve been on Earth originally.  And yes the Queen could have made a very good forger had she put her mind to it.  The Queen is particularly fond of jewellers regardless of their world of origin.  Her own jewel collection comprises many objects originating from outside her realm.

Eileen and Derek explored most of the stately homes in Southern England.  Eileen was beginning to move further north when the Kingdom decided it was going to get her back again.  Eileen is determined, when life is supposed to be what she meant it to be (only one viewpoint really matters to Eileen!), that she and Derek will explore these at their leisure.  Eileen has visions of luxurious coach trips while she and Derek do anything but.  Derek wouldn’t mind driving to some of them but strongly suspects his wife will put her foot down here.  One advantage of coach trips is Eileen can grip his hand and hold it sraight from the off.  Jenny and Paul like their own garden at Brenebourne but wouldn’t dream of going on this kind of trip, seeing it as for the “old folk”.  Jenny says this with a smile.  Her mother can hardly argue this without proving why she isn’t old in human terms. There’s no way Eileen will do that.

Eileen does miss her wonderful Palace quarters as it was the last word in luxury and practicality for the working and very active fairy godmother.  But she still wouldn’t swap any of it for Derek.  The Kingdom is amazed at how well her marriage has worked.  Some, including L’Evallier, admire Derek’s gardening skills.  But none of them would have Derek in the Kingdom given past trouble with human visitors and Queen Gwendolyn.  The Queen has noted with some sarcasm Eileen is keen to please Derek (and not just for sex) and only wishes her awkward cousin had sought to try to please her.  It still hasn’t occurred to the Queen despite Eileen telling her many times that  the monarch’s behaviour hasn’t been brilliant either.  Eileen is rightly suspicious of anyone, especially those in power, who cannot take criticism.

Eileen and Derek are proud of their garden and frequently eat Derek’s home grown fruit and veg.  Once Jenny left home and married Paul, Eileen and Derek resumed eating out at local pub restaurants until they found one so good they decided they wouldn’t go anywhere else.  Derek would love to be able to supply his own grown vegetables to a pub like this but knows he doesn’t grow enough.  This is not because of lack of space but because Eileen loves flowers.  Derek’s wildflower section is Eileen’s favourite bit of the garden.  Their butterfly visitors are amazing too (though Eileen still thinks her wing pattern is superior but is hamstrung as she can hardly tell/show Derek this without bringing a lot of trouble down on her head.

During the blissful years before the Kingdom tried to claim Eileen back again, she and Derek spent a lot of their spare time visiting country estates.  She would admire the houses.  He, of course, studied the gardens and if he managed to spot the Head Gardener or any of the staff and have a quick word with them, Derek would consider it a really good day out.  Eileen would find this amusing, knowing full well the Palace gardeners would have found this irritating - how dare a mere human quiz them.  Yet Derek never had any problems here, impressing almost everybody he met with his wonderful gardening knowledge and that he was always keen to learn more.  His gardening skills benefited from his willingness to ask and learn.  His roses are widely acknowledged as the finest in Kirkham.

FNN regularly produces documentaries on life on other planets but they’re not the David Attenborough type programme.  Think sensationalist, think unbalanced, think designed to put anyone else off defecting the way Eileen did, think this approach guarantees the Queen’s and Council’s approval, vital to the broadcasters as without that they won’t be on the air for long.  Most beings in the Kingdom can and do read between the lines here but there are enough in each species group to take these shows as gospel and honestly think the Queen is shielding them all by showing how dangerous other worlds are.  Eileen thinks these people dangerous - you can tell them anything and they’d do it.  She’s right.

FNN’s history documentaries are pretty sensational too.  Roherum ran a long-standing series on the classic fairy tales and how they filtered down to various worlds over the centuries.  What should’ve been an interesting intellectual series ended up as a watered down re-telling of the tales coupled with savage criticism of the worlds where in Roherum’s view the tales were amended or told in the wrong way.  Roherum came in for a lot of criticism - the phrase “he’s no historian” he came to dread hearing.  And any history shows he presents now are the “light” versions.  FNN were told  by the Queen’s late mother to have someone more intellectually capable to present the serious stuff.  The Jeremy Paxman as opposed to the Jeremy Clarkson school of thought!  The one comfort Roherum took from this was that the weatherman did not get this particular gig, being officially considered to be worse than Roherum!

The weatherman gained his position at FNN thanks to gaining top marks in meterology at what we would consider a college but which in the Kingdom is known as an “oddbin”.  The oddbin is a slang term  used to describe those who read a lot and prefer to do practical things and whose use of magic is limited.  Even Roherum uses more magic than his rival does.  This kind of thing is roughly the equivalent of the artistic distrusting anyone remotely scientific.  The Kingdom has yet to readily accept there is room for both methods of thinking.  Mind it would help if the weatherman didn’t have a chip on his shoulders and feels the realm owes him.  There’s nothing to stop oddbins using magic, it’s not due to lack of skill but more to lack of temperament.  The weatherman would rather use his brains and knowledge to achieve things rather than a magic wand.  In this realm, this is considered odd, hence the slang term.

Eileen likes cafes.  Not only is the food good (she has the enviable knowledge that nobody will dare to serve her anything remotely off, she would make them pay), but the café itself is a useful source of gossip.  She has found, prior to her defection, people are willing to tell her what’s worrying them over a cup of coffee or tea.  Quite often it leads to her being sent out to tackle a new monster that’s reared its ugly head but Eileen can take comfort from the fact by getting in there early to deal with the pest, she’s (a) doing her job and (b) saving many lives.  Eileen loves a good chocolate cake, as does Hanacrill.  The Queen prefers delicate pastries.  Eileen never has trouble getting a decent seat with a good view either...

The Lord Chamberlain and Head Housekeeper do not approve of cafes.  Both have urged the Queen not to patronize these on the grounds it looks common.  Not that this cuts much ice with the monarch, who is aware of the need to keep in touch with the lower ranks.  The only reason she hasn’t been to a café already is due to pressure of appointments and engagements but she hopes to rectify this shortly.  Those villages that have cafes hope she’ll reward them with a Royal Warrant and all are anxious to be the first to receive this.  To avoid some snobbery, the Queen has given huge hints she likes nice simple food and traditional cakes.  She does not want the cafes rivalling each other in producing wildly extravagant items nobody really wants to eat!

The lower magical ranks like the sprites can fly but they have to tap the soles of their boots so many times and then they fly off.  Their distance is limited but nobody else considers this a bad idea.  It stops the sprites spreading their mischieviousness and the havoc it causes too far.  On those grounds, the sprites consider this a very bad idea but they know they have no hope of overcoming it.  Sprites are despised also for being irresponsible over reproduction but they feel anything they say or do would give the “snobs” ammunition to use against them.  This is true to an extent.  Wes is the first sprite to really make something of himself and is surprising everybody by holding down his job as the Queen’s aide reasonably well.

In any village where there is a mixed population, the sprites are the lowest of the low and made to do all the menial tasks.  Everyone is aware this is in an attempt to limit the amount of time the sprites have in which to cause havoc.  It works to a certain extent.  The sprites hate it of course so every so often they “rebel” and go on a magical prank spree.  Sometimes the Queen will visit villages damaged in this way and has been known to correct things herself.  Whenever this happens the offending sprites find themselves cooling in a cell for at least a month.  When the fairy squad correct such damage, they, as encouraged by Eileen to do, put the offending sprites in stocks and invite the villagers to pelt rotten tomatoes and other fruit and veg at the sprites.  In most villages, this is considered a good day’s entertainment (annoying the sprites as they feel they ought to get a vote of thanks for providing it!).  The sprites would find stopping being mischievous as difficult as stopping breathing, though there are those who would like to see both events happen there!

The bigger settlements are beginning to have their own cafes where the more sedate members of their society can enjoy tea, coffee and cake with decent conversation.  Sprites are excluded though the irony is that the pixies are the ones baking and brewing the goods that are sold!  Mind, they know better than to cause trouble as the whole village would turn on them and even the most mischievious sprite knows not to bite off more than they can chew.  The cafes were slow to take off, the idea of having your refreshment in public view was considered odd, but the idea of making pixies wait on you caught on (and the pixies make money out of it so they’re not that unhappy).   It is rumoured it is only time before the Queen visits one of these new fangled establishments.

The finest fighters in the Kingdom are the orcs, which was why the Queen’s mother was so pleased to persuade them to swap sides and effectively become her standing army.  It took decades for other fighters (the elves and dwarves mainly) to accept the orcs but then when you know you’ve had ancestors eaten by orcs, it does tend to put you off.  To most people’s surprise, the orcs have settled in well.  But the Queen’s mother was not surprised.  She’d done her research.  The orcs were uptight at being constantly at the Witch’s mother’s bidding with no reward and those daring to complain being executed in as horrible a magical manner as she could think of at the time.  No, the fairy royals know discontent when they see it.  And they know how to use it to their advantage...

Pixies are known for their cooking abilities.  This is due to the fact they as a species annoyed so many others, pixies realised they would have to prepare their own food as they could only trust themselves not to tamper with it!  Imps like Stan are known for cleaning and their ability to sell (they should combine the two and be the best cleaning salemen in any universe).  Pixie food is enjoyed throughout the realm, even by the elves, not that they’ll ever admit to it publicly.  They prefer to cook using ranges similar to Agas and Rayburns.  To date the realm has not developed a celebrity pixie chef but it’s almost certainly a matter of time.  Certainly Wes before he became all heroic could have done the coarse swearing bit well enough. 

The fairy squad led by Hanastrew  keep all in the Palace grounds on their toes by flying at all hours, in all weathers and at all speeds.  Only the witches really rival the fairies for flying ability as the wizards see it as demeaning to compete.  Fairy and witch alike see it as making a change for the wizards not to want to dominate everything, the way they so often do.  Flying has become something of a sport and the friendlier witches and fairies will put on flying displays for the general public.  The witches never mind being booed with almost everyone rooting for the fairies, as they’re used to this in every other aspect of their lives anyway.  The Queen likes this development.  It’s the nearest the realm has to a sporting tournament.

L’Evallier has the finest collection of fairy tales and spell books outside of the royal collection.  The late, unlamented Brankaresh did try to get access to it but no elf will show any family treasure to any creature not an elf.   Even the Queen has to apply in writing to ask permission which is given.  And before you ask, there would be riots if she didn’t.  Polite, hardworking elves rioting hardly sounds a threat but they have more powers than a lot of the wizards and are the one group neither the Queen nor Witch will upset if they can avoid it.  Brankaresh knew better than to ask again and tried to make up any offence caused to L’Evallier.  The Chief Elf seemingly accepted this but privately his suspicion of the Chief Wizard began from this.  Sadly he was proven right.

Rodish, the late and much missed Chief Dwarf, was famed for his honour and courage.  He was also a good constituency Council representative (roughly equivalent to an MP).  He had an ancient manor house, mainly to make his guests welcome as most of them (elves, fairies and the like) would not be comfortable in a mine, though at the back of the ancestral home, Rodish did have a huge cave of his own.  Whenever he felt the call of his species telling him to go and mine, that’s exactly what he did.  He was a mean thrower of the pickaxe too and though he didn’t survive the battle with the Witch, he took out a number of her cronies on his own, much to her annoyance (and to a certain extent admiration as she does have a soft spot for bravery as, indeed, does Eileen).

Rodish had the finest collection of dwarf armoury but this was broken up by the Witch in her battle with him.  His brother, Balkish, who took over the Chief Dwarf role, is trying to start again with this collection by persuading his fellow dwarves to hand over some of their ancestral weapons but is having great difficulty here.  Given what happened to the last collection, the dwarves’ attitude is understandable but frustrating from Balkish’s viewpoint.  He is hoping to enlist regal support in the belief that will make his fellows co-operate but intends to wait until the Queen is over her fixation with getting Jenny and Eileen back in the Kingdom permanently.  He rightly believes until Her Majesty is over that, she won’t take much notice of any other issue she considers trivial.  And he wants her to take the issue of rebuilding collections (not just the dwarves’ one) seriously.  He’d also like any such collections housed in the Palace.  Although the Palace was attacked, it took an act of sabotage against the protection spells to achieve that.  And the Queen’s strengthened and improved the protection on the Palace since then.

The royals don’t contribute that much to the arts (other than the very welcome patronage) but there is one exception.  Eileen has written several books of good magical practice.  She’s also written books criticizing previous fairy royal conduct.  Unsurprisingly, those have never made it into the public’s hands.  Eileen is not a natural author.  She has to force herself to do it “for the greater good” and she gets the words down as quickly as she can.  She enjoys the editing process more as she can “control” and cut her words as appropriate.  Her textbooks are standard in the fairy schools.  Her version of history and the official version often differ.  Unsurprisingly it’s not hers that ends up on the curriculum!

FNN do a books review programme once a week but it is put on in the graveyard slot.  Roherum doesn’t host it but one of the minor elf nobles does.  Nobody but nobody wants Roherum giving judgement on books.  It is felt nobody watching would ever be able to keep a straight face on seeing the avuncular goblin punch above his weight.  It is widely rumoured he only reads things with pictures in it.  Roherum was affronted by this until the Queen intervened and said she felt he shouldn’t “do” books either as she felt “do” would be the most appropriate word and that the goblin should stick to what he does best - being charming and reading the news.  Roherum is still trying to work out whether she was being insulting or complimentary.

Bookbinding and printing is carried out by the elvish families, who see this as their responsibility.  They after all also contribute to literature with their sagas.  (So do the dwarves but the elves won’t acknowledge that.  Mind to be fair that is also true the other way round).  All books are produced in leather and all titles are embossed with gold, silver or bronze lettering.  Anything else is considered to look cheap.  The Queen is given a first edition of every book produced (whether she wants it or not but then she’s the equivalent of the British Library for the Fairy Kingdom).  Naturally the less pleasant aspects of leather production (tanning, mainly) are done by magic rather than the nasty way humans do it (though a lot of the elves do acknowledge the manual way of production does have its own merits and is superior to the magically produced kind).  Elves generally acknowledge manual methods of craftsmanship as superior, which is more than the rest of the Kingdom does.

The Queen’s working uniform is a swish silk gown and tiara.  Eileen prefers separates, especially when flying (it gets cold up there), and you can always tell something is seriously up if this fairy godmother ever dresses up.  The Queen despairs of Eileen’s attitude here.  The monarch likes fairy godmothers to look the part rather than looking as if they’ve just come back from a dodgy jumble sale.  However of all the issues to argue over with Eileen, this is the least important and the Kingdom has got used to seeing Eileen in trousers and fleecy tops.  The Queen prefers silk stockings and other lingerie items.  Funnily enough so does Eileen but she would never admit to this publicly.  She prefers to save it as a nice surprise for her Derek!  He is appreciative.

The Queen uses some magic to create some gowns, employs dressmakers for when she feels like wearing gowns with the “home made” touch, and occasionally “imports” from Earth dresses she likes the look of.  What usually happens here is a clothes collection goes missing and the puzzled designer finds a bag of money paying for it and never ever finds out who their anonymous, impatient client was.  Lingerie has to be hand made (imports from France when the Queen spots something she likes - there are perks to having to keep an eye on Earth and this is one of them).  Eileen feels the Queen has far too many gowns though the monarch has pointed out many times that the godmother has more than her fair share of practical separates.  The Queen feels the difference in class here is amazing and not in a good way.  She has offered Eileen some of her gowns but the godmother retorted when she wants to fly with her skirts billowing around her, she’ll be sure to let the Queen know.

The Queen regularly holds concerts in the Palace grounds to mark great occasions including her birthday and if she wants to honour someone.  She also holds these music events to invite different sections of the community at large to spend some time at the Palace.  Sometimes this is done by group - all the dwarves in this village and that one and so on.  Sometimes she invites the children of all species from a certain place.  The latter love the concerts and behave very well (this is something that has taken the cynical Lord Chamberlain by surprise).  The gesture is meant to be a sign of unity between the differing species and to confirm the Fairy Crown honours them all.  Yes, the orcs did go to a concert but they requested and got what we would consider a hard rock band.  The Queen wore a fixed smile all evening and it is widely believe she had ear plugs in under her wonderful hair but there is no way she will ever confirm or deny this.  The orcs just claim it’s malicious gossip to make them look bad just because they think violin music is “cissy”.

Each of the fairy royal monarchs have added to the Palace collections of fine pictures, jewellery, precious objects and those vases and other porcelain items that did not start life that way (turning folk into statuary is a royal speciality).  Only the current Queen has taken much of an interest in the Palace grounds.  The gardeners have welcomed their boss’s interest in flowers (while disapproving of her having her own patch) as they share her view plants are Nature’s jewels.  Eileen has no time for sentimental tosh like that - plants are useful, some of them are pretty and that’s as far as she’ll go.  The Queen has been known to select her jewels of the day by matching with her favoured flower of the moment.

The Queen and her ancestors have also believed you can’t have too much gold in a Palace.  As well as solid gold objects, gold is the preferred frame for portraits, gold features in a lot of the carpets either as decoration or as the main colour and of course Her Majesty has some truly magnficient gold tureens.  Silver plays a prominent part too with the silver staircase being considered the finest of its type in any universe.  The Queen will not have cutlery in anything other than solid silver.  Where gold is not used as decoration, silver is.  And the Queen will often wear gold or silver themed outfits with matching jewellery.  One way in which the realm has behaved honourably in its time is that it doesn’t steal precious metals from other worlds (though it will pinch ideas it thinks it can use).  Gold and silver are mined throughout the realm.  Naturally the dwarves ensure they get a very good price for it!

The Lord Chamberlain and Head Housekeeper are jointly in charge of caring for the Queen’s objects d’art and jewellery, in terms of cataloguing them and cleaning them.  They use their own powers to clean these pieces saving manual cleaning for the less important works (and which is a useful task to assign as a punishment where necessary).  Both take a huge pride in their work and the Queen’s most valuable pieces are probably the best cared for and cleaned items in any universe.  Both deputize for the other where necessary.  Both have run the Palace for centuries.  The Queen couldn’t run her Palace without them.  She allows herself the luxury of creating new jewellery items twice a year partly to help her two officers so they don’t have too much at a time to add to their workload and because she needs time to be creative and finds it darned hard to find that time.

Every so often, usually when the Queen has a special birthday or on her accession day (which the realm celebrates but she spends quietly, reflecting on her late mother), the ruler allows selections of her jewellery, portraits and other objects d’art to go to some of the major settlements for a temporary tour.  This is appreciated by the settlements chosen as these tours boost their tourism no end.  And as each object is protected by a curse, the risk of theft is miniscule.  The Queen selects each of the settlements in turn so over a ten year cycle, they are all covered.  FNN films the tours, which in turn helps boost the visitor numbers to the settlements.  Nobody is allowed to wear the jewellery but they can get up close and have a darned good look, which is enough for most.

The Queen has a specialist jewelller who cleans the stones and settings as and when required (mostly once a year but favoured pieces may need a second or third clean - the Queen is expected to glisten!).  This jeweller is from the unnamed goblin jewel makers and it is rumoured in the realm at large there is a battle to the death between the two top candidates as to who gets the post.  The goblins as a whole have denied that rumour, stating that they arrange the matter between themselves and then have secret ballot on it.  However, they have found this is nowhere near as interesting a story and the annoying rumours persist, not helped by Roherum insisting as the goblins won’t say who the jewellers are there must be a conspirary meaning the duel theory must be true too.  There is no logic to that - just because one thing is true doesn’t mean everything is true - but Roherum generally does not do logic.  This surprises nobody.

The Queen thoroughly enjoys choosing what gowns and jewels to wear (unlike Eileen who wears practical separates especially when flying and for whom any nice bracelet will do, colour co-ordinating is generally wasted on this woman).  The royal maids enjoy assisting their sovereign with this.  Occasionally Roxannadrell will allow her closest maids to try on a piece or two of royal jewellery (though it has to be put back immediately).  These times are the nearest things the Queen gets to girlish confidences.  Best of all from the monarch’s viewpoint there is no Council involvement at all.  The main State Crown was worn for her coronation of course and is used for the start of each political year opening, just like our State Opening of Parliament.  The Queen does not wear fur of any description but has more silk than Eileen considers decent for any woman to own.