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  • All About Eileen
    • Eileen's Definitions >
      • Eileen's Definitions - 2
      • Eileen's Definitions - 3
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      • Eileen's Definitions - 5
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      • Eileen's Definitions - 13
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  • Fairy Kingdom Definitions
    • Fairy Kingdom Definitions - 2
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  • The Rules of Magic
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    • The Rules of Magic - 11
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    • The Rules of Magic - 14
    • The Rules of Magic - 15
    • The Rules of Magic - 16
    • The Rules of Magic - 17
    • The Rules of Magic - 18
    • The Rules of Magic - 19
    • The Rules of Magic - 20
    • The Rules of Magic - 21
    • The Rules of Magic - 22
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    • The Rules of Magic - 24
    • The Rules of Magic - 25
    • The Rules of Magic - 26
    • The Rules of Magic - 27
    • The Rules of Magic - 28
    • The Rules of Magic - 29
  • Fairy Kingdom Survival Tips
  • Further Fairy Kingdom Survival Tips
    • Further Fairy Kingdom Survival Tips - 2
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    • Further Fairy Kingdom Survival Tips - 11
  • Kingdom History
    • Kingdom History - 1
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    • Kingdom History - 9
    • Kingdom History - 10
  • The Kingdom's Guide to Approaching Other Species
    • The Kingdom's Guide to Approaching Other Species Part 2
  • What the Kingdom Would Like To See
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 2
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 3
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 4
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 5
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 6
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    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 9
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 10
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 11
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    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 13
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 14
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    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 16
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 17
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 18
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 19
    • What the Kingdom Would Like To See 20
  • Appropriate Songs for My Characters
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 2
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    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 4
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 5
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 6
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 7
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 8
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 9
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 10
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 11
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 12
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 13
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 14
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 15
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 16
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 17
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 18
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 19
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 20
    • Appropriate Songs for My Characters - 21
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING - 10

31/5/2014

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Beginning to feel you might be getting somewhere!  (Temper this with the certain knowledge you will get more rejections but it is so nice knowing sometimes at least the letter on the mat contains good news!).

Encouraged by some acceptance discovering more markets for your stories.

Being able to write something positive on your covering letter to agents/publishers!

Being able to say something positive when someone asks how the writing’s going.  Hint:  always give a quick answer.  Never wait for their eyes to glaze over. Get them to ask. Get them to ask you more about it.

Knowing you can go to conferences etc as a genuinely published author, even if it is only one short story!!!!

When you’re working on a story and you’re struggling to get the right words to express exactly what you mean. The great thing about this is every writer experiences this and maybe because the tale has been harder work than usual, if it does get accepted, you’ll appreciate it more. Of course if it garners rejections, you may not be so surprised!  But sometimes what you think isn’t so good does catch someone else’s eyes. I wasn’t convinced my Life is What You Make It would do anything.  I’d have liked more time on it.  Yet it won the runner up prize in Writers’ News.  You’re not always the best judge of your work!

Holiday time can mean less time to write, which can be frustrating, but I view this time as going out and about, gathering a kind of unconscious research into location description and there are numerous opportunities for people watching.  This is always good for character building.  And you get to see sights you wouldn’t normally. Is there something in there you can use?
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING - 9

30/5/2014

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Receiving  your first acceptance is a special moment!  Especially if you’ve had rejections for a long time, it is wonderful to get some vindication.  Enjoy the feeling! This is closely followed by your first cheque if you win a prize with an acceptance! Do colour photocopy it and keep it somewhere.  It’s good to look back on and you’ll remember how good you felt when you received it.  It’s the nearest you can get to bottling that feeling for days when things aren’t going so well.

Getting the Mxlexia Writers’ Diary, enjoying reading the wonderful stuff in it, and then getting more work done so you actually have stuff to write in there!  Seeing a blank submissions page is a great incentive for producing more work so you can fill it in!  And the more work you’ve got out there, the likelihood of acceptance increases too.

Wishing you had more time to write so you can get even more stuff out there!  This feeling is encouraged by receiving your first acceptance!

People not having heard of wherever it is you are being published!  You’ve got to be able to explain quickly.  You don’t want the glazed eyes look in  your listener!

A story you feel should have done well being rejected and when you look at it again discover a stupid mistake.  In my case I misspelt my main character’s name twice.  Lesson learned:  pay more attention before sending anything out.

Trying to explain to family and friends you did write the story ages ago but it takes time to get it into print, on the web etc.
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING - 8

29/5/2014

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Having time out from the real world to make up your own and if you’re fortunate one day making some money from it! 

In writing fiction, you are doing something not everybody can do. Practicing an art form you love.

Ideas leading to other ideas.  My idea from The Trouble With Mother led to The Cherry Tree.

Coming across something badly written and knowing not only can you do better, you are doing better. It is a massive positive boost for the ego. You can often learn more from a bad piece of work than a good one, if only not what to do. The trick is to ensure the bad piece is not one of yours!

Enjoying making up your own world but getting the rejections that prevent you making some money from it!  Incidentally ignore Johnson’s quote that “nobody but a blockhead writes for anything other than money”.  You’ve got to write for the love of it.  It’s that which gets you through the rejections.

Having writing fiction dismissed by those who can’t do it!

Not having enough time to develop all the ideas you’re getting or discovering the ideas lead to a literary dead end and weren’t as good as you first thought.

Being dismayed by the fact the badly written piece did get published, whilst your better work is still languishing at home!
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING - 7

29/5/2014

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The joy of seeing your words on paper.  I hope one day to have the bigger joy of seeing them in print the “proper” way and not via a vanity publisher.  Hope is  a great motivator. I like things that give me hope.

Doing something that so many say they’d like to do “when they have time”.  Credit yourself for making the time and giving writing a go.

Feeling the urge to write and then actually doing so can be amazing therapeutic.  You can write all that you’ve ever longed to say and get it off your chest but just bear in mind it’s for your purposes only.  Never send these missives especially if it’s to an agent or publisher.  It will not help your cause.

Feeling the words on paper aren’t good enough.  Perversely also when the words are coming so fast it’s a struggle to get them out.properly (though that could also be considered a joy).

Having your efforts dismissed by those who aren’t willing to try writing themselves.

Not sending those wonderfully written missives because you know the damage it might do. There are times you really want to say “sod it” and do so - resist!

Once published, getting awful reviews from folk you’re convinced don’t have the first clue what they’re on about.  Have they no idea how hard you’ve worked on this thing?  Answer:  no and they don’t give a damn.
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING - 6

27/5/2014

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Being able to escape into your own world for a while.  This is especially nice if reality isn’t looking so hot!

Knowing your writing is something that is personal to  you.  Your voice is unique.  Every author  has a unique viewpoint.

Every writer has to read widely.  How else can you know what you’d like to write? You get two hobbies then for the price of one!

I love reading the How-to books and writing magazines. Loads of good advice, all of which must benefit my work.

Giving different things a try can spice up your main work.  I try short stories every so often.  Making words count in a short form will pay off when writing a longer one.

The majority of the time being too busy with the minutiae of life so you don’t escape into your own world as often as you like.

Not getting as much time to read as you’d like.

Being rejected for short stories and novels!

Rejection slips that give no clues.

Getting a handwritten note from an agent, which is brilliant, but you then can’t decipher it!  I admit to having dreadful handwriting myself and you can’t go back to the agent and ask.  It looks desperate.

Feeling desperate to get published. Beware!  This is where the vanity brigade strike.
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING - 5

26/5/2014

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Coming up with something you know deep in your gut is good. Later reading back your own work and enjoying it.

The satisfaction of knowing you are writing your own work.  I’ve nothing against ghostwriting but you miss out on the fun of writing getting someone else in to do it for you!

Coming up with a turn of phrase that fits perfectly.  Likewise scenes that you’ve seen in your head working out wonderfully when you’ve got them down on paper.

Getting ideas for more stories!

Feeling what you’re writing is awful. Despite knowing all writers feel this way and the thing to do is put the work aside and view it later with fresh eyes as it may not be as bad as you think, the feeling in the gut is still dreadful.

Getting annoyed when you know those claiming to have written a book (but actually used a ghost writer) do well with that book!

Struggling to get phrases and scenes out. Keep going. I don’t believe in writer’s block. When the struggles come, get anything on paper. There may be something in it you can use later. I learned ages ago whenever someone makes something look easy, you can guarantee that same someone has worked damn hard over years, decades even, to get the experience to make things seem easy.  There are no shortcuts.
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING - 4

26/5/2014

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Coming up with something you know deep in your gut is good. Later reading back your own work and enjoying it.

The satisfaction of knowing you are writing your own work and not doing a “Naomi Campbell” where she claimed to have written a novel when a ghost did it for her.  I’ve nothing against ghostwriting but Miss Campbell was less than honest about her involvement in “her” work.  I’ve far more time for books that say they’re by so-and-so as told to so-and-so…

Coming up with a turn of phrase that fits perfectly.  Likewise scenes that you’ve seen in your head working out wonderfully when you’ve got them down on paper.

Getting ideas for more stories!

Feeling what you’re writing is awful. Despite knowing all writers feel this way and the thing to do is put the work aside and view it later with fresh eyes as it may not be as bad as you think, the feeling in the gut is still dreadful.

Getting annoyed when the likes of Naomi Campbell do well with a book it turns out they didn’t write!!!

Struggling to get phrases and scenes out. Keep going. I don’t believe in writer’s block. When the struggles come, get anything on paper. There may be something in it you can use later. I learned ages ago whenever someone makes something look easy, you can guarantee that same someone has worked damn hard over years, decades even, to get the experience to make things seem easy.  There are no shortcuts.
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING - 3

25/5/2014

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Being creative in any form is therapeutic but I find joy in seeing my words coming together and forming a story.  And  yes there’s the joy of getting your view of the world across in a way that won’t turn others off.  After all it is a story you’re telling, not a lecture you’re delivering.

Going to conferences like the one held at Winchester annually and always coming away feeling invigorated, justified in what you’re doing, having enjoyed the company and picking up loads of new tips.  The Bookfair is a joy to rummage through too - I always come back with a volume or two.

How can producing stories not be a positive thing?  With so many horrors usually man made going on in the world, coming up with tales to entertain has to be something on the credit side for humanity.

When you send work out for review and nobody seems to get the “point”. 

Not being able to go a good writing conference due to clashes with other priorities and knowing you will be missing out on a good time!

Stories not being able to cancel out all the horrors going on in the world.  If more people wrote and read, there would have to be less time for war, brutality etc etc.

Suppression of free speech.  The fact writers, particularly journalists, are always the first target of any dictatorial regime.

The publishing industry being dreadfully slow!
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING - 2

20/5/2014

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Coming up with a one-liner that tells you all you need to know about a character.  I was chuffed to come up with “If she’d lost her head, I’d have understood her complaints” from Eileen after her talk with Hanastrew over the mishaps associated with using the instant transport spell where bits don’t always materialize the way they should.  To get sympathy from Eileen, you’ve got to die!  Tells you everything, yes?

When a minor character takes on a life of their own and their subplot adds depth to your overall story.  Wes and Stan do this in my work.  They start off as mischievous sprites.  Wes becomes brave and discovers a side to himself he never knew he had.  Stan learns not to take things at face value.

Completing a story, particularly a novel.  It is an achievement.

When the one-liner doesn’t work as well as you’d hoped!

Having to take a out a minor character because they don’t develop the plot.  And if any character doesn’t advance your story, you have to kill your darlings.  Better that than allow such characters to kill your story with boredom.

When you think you’ll never finish the tale!

Not being able to get the words out quickly enough when the inspiration really flows.

Spell checkers!  Use a decent dictionary. Why are UK computers programmed to have the US dictionary as first option? I’ve nothing against the Americans but we have our own spellings (the right ones and I only say that because we gave the world Shakespeare, Dickens and Austen!).
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THE JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS OF WRITING

18/5/2014

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Creating something you want to read and getting to play God.

Your characters come to life, you can see and hear them in your head, and you just know your story is “alive”, the way good stories should be.

When you’re editing your work being able to feel your prose “tightening up”, becoming sharper and so your work improves.

Writing can be marvellous therapy in terms of getting away from whatever horrors life drags you through.  Also in terms of using those same horrors to create stories.  You may as well get something from it!

Meeting other writers!

Never having as much time as you’d like to get on with said writing.

When it’s a struggle to get the words out.

When your work keeps getting rejected.

Seeing someone whose work you loathe doing well on the bestseller lists!  Every author, published or otherwise, feels like this from time to time so you may as well be honest and acknowledge it!

Not getting replies from agents/publishers, despite religiously putting in SAEs with the correct postage on.

Just knowing the world really doesn’t care about your work and that the only one who does is you!
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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 19

17/5/2014

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Education
Generally considered a good thing when it is done “properly” and by the “prescribed manner”.  Eileen is the only one who can see the dangers of this and has loudly pointed out this attitude is going to stop magical students developing the ability to think for themselves.  Eileen thinks it beggars believe for the government not to find a way of helping students learn by experimenting and preventing the worst accidents only, the ones that tend to be horribly fatal.  Had Eileen stayed in the Kingdom, she’d have cleaned up the examination boards and carried out a good deal of teaching.  Jenny may not like her mother’s tale but is pleased she saved some poor unfortunate souls in the magical world being lectured at by her mother!

Fate
This is one of the few areas where there is consensus between most humans and most magical beings in that there are those who fervently believe in Fate, those who are sceptical about it and those who think you make your own.  The Queen and Eileen take a robust view especially given what happened to the Queen’s late mother as that was a result of out and out villainy and even the monarch thinks it unfair to blame Fate for that.  Both royals think “fate” of that nature could and should be avoided.  It’s wickedness to blame and both like to name it for what it is.


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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 18

14/5/2014

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Heaven
The Kingdom as a whole acknowledges the existence of God and the good magical creatures are allowed to go to heaven where they join the lower angelic ranks.  They do not go to heaven the same way humans do (both in the manner of death, sadly most magical deaths are due to foul fiends and accidents or curse and also in terms of more specific belief.  It is considered the good magical creatures worship God by getting on with work that will assist Him or his angels in some way.  The politics in the Kingdom are left to the realm to sort out though honourable behavour is expected.  Naturally Queen and Eileen both think the other are not behaving well).

Clothing
The Kingdom does not approve of any style of human clothing, partly due to Eileen’s insistence on wearing practical separates at all times and especially when flying. Eileen is seen as letting her people down and that humanity’s corrupting influence led to her doing this.  Quietly, the Queen has had copied some beautiful gowns she’s seen on Earth or has created some magically which look similar to that worn here but she doesn’t draw attention to this.  Generally it is felt skirts are too short, nobody can understand those who wear their trousers so their underwear shows (in the realm if you want to show your knickers, you just get on and do so and it’s usually done by sprites when either drunk or fighting other sprites as revealing underwear is considered an insult) and underwear, even the sexier type, should be designed for comfort too.  You won’t find a thong in the Fairy Kingdom!!

History
The story of the realm’s life the government feels should be told.  Mind, that doesn’t just apply to the Fairy Kingdom.  Eileen has a huge respect for history.  Records are important.  The Queen agrees to an extent but insists that “proper” records are kept with only “true” information.  Eileen often queried what the Queen meant by those terms. These queries were not welcome.

Geography
Logically this is the study of land and climate and these should in the case of land be fixed and in the case of climate follow a pattern.  In the Kingdom, land is occasionally known to move (usually because some dodgy magical character has done this to show off) and climate can be altered by spells. On Earth only dramatic events like tsunamis, earthquakes and volcanoes cause land shifts/slides and the climate is being altered by our behaviour.  Naturally the Kingdom looks down on humanity for this.  If we’d altered the climate due to improving our magical abilities, they’d have not had a problem with it. _




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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 17

13/5/2014

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Fiction
Something incomprehensible to most magical beings here.  They prefer dealing in facts.  Their fairy stories are accurate records.  They don’t understand why humans want to make things up for fun.  There is a significant part of the Kingdom population who see this as deceitful.

Computers
The Kingdom is wary of these too.  PCs make it too easy to pry into others’ lives and Eileen feels humans pour their affection into their machines rather than their fellow humans.  The Kingdom is usually wary of any human invention until they realise it could be useful and they adapt it as their own.  The realm sees this as creative copying!

Music
A wonderful thing regardless of world or species.  One of the few things the Queen, Eileen, Jenny and even the Witch agree on though Eileen and Jenny’s musical tastes do differ.  Jenny made sure of that.  She doesn’t want too many comparisons to her mother.

Photography
Eileen admires this as an art form and Jenny happily snaps away with her digital camera, having a real love for the Scottish landscape when she, Paul and Eddie holiday there. Eileen does visit photography exhibitions every now and then.  The Fairy Queen does not approve.  She finds it hard to believe humans have come up with a wonderful invention like this all by themselves and believes there is magic behind it somewhere. 

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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 16

11/5/2014

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Hard work
Eileen still believes she’s the only one who manages hard work in a way that is beneficial to her, helps her practice her magical skills, and rescues the innocent.  For her hard work is memorising skills, practising her skills and so on but Jenny doesn’t agree.  For her hard work is being up all night with a screaming baby. 

Jewellery
The Fairy Queen believes jewellery must have either gold or diamonds in it somewhere to be “proper”.  Gold has to be of the purest carat, diamonds to be huge and to catch and reflect the light beautifully. Eileen loves jewellery too though her items are more modest, certainly not in respect of her cousin, but because Eileen has a grave distrust of anything looking flash.  Flash = spiv in her books.

Sport
Jenny loathes all sport bar tennis and swimming.  Eileen, while she doesn’t watch or take part, feels sport is a good thing as it keeps humanity out of mischief.  Well she did hold that view until she discovered what football hooligans were. Jenny had to stop her mother turning them all into toads.  Humanity may never know how wrong Jenny was here! There are some sports played and watched in the magical world but not with the enthusiasm shown by humans.

Heaven
Jenny is a Christian (her mother’s tale gives her real dilemmas here too.  What is Jenny supposed to do with her unexpected powers?) so believes in the Christian view of paradise.  Eileen is broadly sympathetic (though wonders whether it’s different for awkward fairy godmothers.  She takes some solace from the thought God looks on the heart - even when fighting dragons Eileen has, in her way, always meant well).  Eileen hopes to go to heaven eventually but is in no hurry to depart this life.

Graciousness
Something Eileen knows she lacks and her cousin does have.  Though Eileen also believes the Queen uses this asset too much to get her own way.  There is more than a hint of jealousy here.  Eileen has, again in an act of rebellion, decided to base her main traits on what you see is what you get.  She has a lot of sympathy with Cromwell’s idea of a warts and all portrait.

Art
Any form of creativity that brightens the world, whatever world you’re on.  The realm recognizes those art forms that focus on the more negative aspects of life.  The realm’s view here is that those art forms bring the positive into focus.  The realm can see the point of The Scream but see the point of The Haywain much more.
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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 15

10/5/2014

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Garage
A place to park your car, gardening equipment and so on according to Eileen.  She doesn’t understand the reference to “music”, nor does she comprehend why folk are addicted to the dodgy music.  She likes people to say what they mean. The one form of wordplay she will tolerate is limericks.

Rap
The best thing I can here is that Eileen fully agrees with the late Humphrey Littleton’s thoughts on this topic.  “It starts with a silent capital C.” Knows humans can do much better than this kind of “tune”.

Rationality
Eileen treats this like fire - a good idea in principle but you wouldn’t want it dominating your life.  She also sees there is more than one way to look at something - the rational way and the creative way.  Naturally Eileen sees her way as the correct one.  Hypocrisy happens to other people in her view.

Climate Change
Eileen does believe in this for the good reason in her old world various areas were made barren thanks to too much magical fighting, leading to the land being physically changed and not for the better.  Eileen also feels give the harm man does to each other, there had to be an effect on the planet itself in the long run.

Literature
Any stories that don’t involve fairies as far as Jenny’s concerned.  Her views on fairytales have changed drastically since her mother’s unforeseen (literally!) revelation.  Eileen reads fairytales warily too but that’s only because she spots all the errors.

Compassion
A wonderful quality in very scarce supplies though in fairness Eileen thinks this is just as true of the Kingdom as it is of Earth.  Certainly Jenny feels her own supply has plummeted since her mother dropped her in it.  Especially towards Eileen funnily enough.

Regality
A quality Eileen recognizes in our Queen.  A quality Eileen thinks the Fairy Queen lacks, the latter being far too ruthless at times for her cousin’s liking.  Mind this is partially due to the fact Eileen knows the Fairy Queen is one of the few that could and has brought Eileen herself into line.
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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 14

6/5/2014

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Conservation
The Kingdom is amazed any of this takes place on Earth. It doesn’t help them sustain their prejudice that every human is a warmonger and polluter.  But things like the RSPB, RSPCA, WWF, the Forestry Commission and so on do challenge that view.  The realm has a special fondness for anyone taking care of trees properly (including tree surgeons, yes the Kingdom has its own) given so many of them form part of the transport system in the magical world.

Wildlife Programmes
Many in the Kingdom tune in via crystal ball to watch our wildlife programmes as practically everyone in the realm appreciates the need to care for the natural world.  Even the evil witches and wizards do knowing full well they’ve got to get the ingredients for their curses from somewhere and that somewhere must be sustainable.

The Lore
Fairy Kingdom stories, myths (they’re not considered the same) and the whole basis of the legal system.  If it’s happened in fiction, it can happen in daily life in the magical world.  Eileen treats the Lore warily as she knows many instances of when it’s been abused.  She thinks it desperately needs reform.

Parliament
Also known as the Ultimate Talking Shop.  Eileen sees this as a comment rather than a criticism given the Queen’s Council are no better.  L’Evallier has been known to be very longwinded when he has felt the need to be.

Freedom
For Eileen this means freedom to do what she likes.  And even when the Queen tries to stop her, Eileen exercises her freedom to circumvent that.  Eileen is deeply suspicious of those in government.  She wants to see evidence they are working beyond their own interests.  This attitude does not go down well with the Queen.  If Eileen wasn’t royal, there’s a good chance she’d be in a cell for a while.

Fairness
Eileen automatically assumes this is one of her main virtues.  In fairness (!), she does recognize it in others, occasionally even in the Queen, more commonly in the Witch (the Queen senses this and is incensed at this but Eileen’s far too useful to her to remove or jail).  Eileen, however, is no fan of fair criticism especially when coming from her daughter.
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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 13

5/5/2014

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Stories
Source of all knowledge as far as the Kingdom is concerned.  They salute the Brothers Grimm and Andersen.  To tamper with a story is a criminal offence in this world.  Writers in the realm come from all backgrounds though every story sent in written by a sprite is checked carefully.

Radio
In the Kingdom they developed “fairy-vision” first then radio.  Radio at the start of The Trouble With Mother is in its infancy and Roherum despises it, not seeing the attraction of an art form with no pictures. Luckily the Queen can see its usage so it’s not going to be damaged by Roherum’s rude remarks about it.  No radio stars have yet emerged.  

Time
Something that everybody wastes, regardless of what world you’re on.  Time on Earth goes faster than in the magical realm.  The magical species live roughly five times as long as we do bar illness or magical accident (the latter usually dragon induced).

Hustling
What everybody in the Fairy Kingdom believes humans do all the time.  It goes on in their realm too, the sprites are especially guilty of this, but this is not commented on as much as human dodgy dealings.  It’s much more fun to criticize others.

Plumbing
In the Kingdom this is considered a magical art form in itself. They don’t have plumbers that charge outrageously (anybody doing that would be transformed into something unpleasant and there is some pity humans cannot do this to those who con them).

Surgery
In the fairy world surgery is when a major spell is cast and involves a powerful magic wand.  On Earth of course it’s a medical procedure.  FNN have reported on this and shown pictures.  Almost everyone in the fairy world was disgusted.  They didn’t pick up on the fact the surgery was designed to save lives.  All they saw was the gore, the blood and the indignity of the hospital gowns…

Alternative Medicine
The fairy world considers these as interesting ideas though even they despite Feng Shui.  Aromatherapy is one of the Queen’s favourite hobbies.  Eileen has often accused her of wanting to smell like a garden (roses usually as opposed to the material they put on them to make them grow!).  The Kingdom is not surprised most humans are cynical.  That’s been a fact of life for millennia.
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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 12

4/5/2014

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Eileen
Troublemaker unable to appreciate which side her wand is buttered.

Humans
Warmongering, polluting pests.  Nobody in the Kingdom can understand why Eileen fell in love with one.

Sprites
Mischievous and prone to fighting, every other species in the magical realm loathes them.  The sprites, however, can be useful with their baking and cleaning skills which is why they’re just about tolerated.  Stan and Wes are the most famous sprites.

Power abuses
Something human politicians are all guilty of as naturally the Queen cannot bring herself to admit her ancestors, her Council and she herself have been guilty of this.  It’s much easier to say a primitive planet that doesn’t know better carries out this kind of thing.  In the Queen’s own eyes, she is being pragmatic and putting the Kingdom first.  Sadly, this is not always true.

Journalism
Nosey parkers unless they’re reporting on the Queen favourably in which case they’re doing their job properly. 

Hypocrisy
Something that happens to others as far as the Queen’s concerned.  It is one of the few atttudes she and Eileen share.  Both prefer not to think about that too much.

Witches
Also Known As Nothing But Trouble.  Well there is a whole wealth of material on which the Fairy Kingdom can justify that statement.

Fairies
Also Known As The Good Guys.  Similar sentiments apply as for witches though they insist these definitions should be the other way round.

Wizards
Also Known As Those Who Shouldn’t Be Trusted though that definition came into regular use after Brankaresh’s defection and execution.

Dwarves
Also Known As the Grubbiest Species in the Kingdom given their passion for mining.  It is never said in a dwarf’s presence however.  People like living.
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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 11

4/5/2014

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Nationalism
Doesn’t exist as such in the Kingdom but each species is expected to be loyal to their own type with loyalty to the Queen overruling everything.  There is some regional rivalries in the differing 7 regions where the borders meet but the Queen and Council organize sporting events on the quarter days where any aggressive feelings between regions can be literally played out on the field and nobody thinks any the worse of it. Everybody is expected to do whatever they can to come to the Kingdom’s aid should it be attacked by external forces.  So to desert your own kind and the magical world as a whole is bound to be seen as treason by everybody in the Kingdom.  Eileen would have been very aware of this.  Not that it mattered.  She still didn’t care.

Sportsmanship
One of the highest ideals for any species to aspire to, the Kingdom is in awe of genuine sportsmanship where sport is not wrecked by greed, drug taking, any form of cheating and fair play is ensured.  The Kingdom admires Earth’s Olympic Games (they know full well some athletes cheat but the majority do not and it is the intention behind the games the magical world particularly likes).  The Kingdom was in awe of Bradley Wiggins, not just for his amazing achievements on a bike, but for stopping in the Tour de France so he didn’t get the benefit as his rivals ran into tacks thrown on to the route by vandals.  The realm thinks humans need to show that kind of spirit more often (though if it didn’t draw attention to the Kingdom’s existence, the Queen and Eileen would happily curse the tack throwing morons and turn them into something nasty like a hump the Tour de France cyclists have to ride over!). _
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FAIRY KINGDOM DEFINITIONS - 10

1/5/2014

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Government
What the Queen says goes is her view of government though Eileen and the Council disagree.  They see their roles as helping the Queen to make sensible decisions.  The Queen sees their roles as helping her to decide what she says goes.  There is some democracy in the magical realm.  Council representatives are voted in by the highest ranking members of their species but there’s no canvassing as we know it.  The only opposition is when the Kingdom is at war.

Canvassing
The Queen will sometimes seek opinions from Eileen, Council and even her own staff to try to get a feel for what the Kingdom at large is likely to feel about any given incident.  The Queen makes it seem as if she’s doing everyone a favour doing this. It doesn’t help make her any more popular with those in the know.

Agriculture
This is not known as such in the realm though everyone has their own garden and grows vegetables, fruits and flowers.  Meat is imported from other planets like Earth (as very few relish having to kill animals themselves and those species, like orcs, who wouldn’t have any qualms, because they are trying to fit in rein in their more “beastly” instincts and simply eat their imported meat cooked very rare indeed).  The Kingdom has studied agriculture on Earth and greatly admires the efforts of most farmers.  The realm does grow or import its own food.  Nobody eats magically created food unless they must.  It is felt that fairy dust does something to the flavour.  Nothing can beat fresh food.  This is one of the few areas where Eileen is in total agreement with the official government position.

Efficiency
The Queen sees this as the speed in which someone obeys her commands.  Eileen sees this as her speed in dispatching the latest foul fiend.  The Council see it as ensuring all the paperwork they have to do is done as quickly as possible and put back on the Queen’s desk for her to go through.  The aim in life here is to have a clear desk as often as possible! 

Good Breeding
Practically everyone in the Kingdom thinks this is vital, even the sprites.  No group approves of cross-breeding.  The aim of each individual is to be the best they can be within their own species.  Yes, there is a league table kept by the heads of each species group.  It is possible to move up and down these tables depending on marriages made.  For example a sprite making good would be one who say saved the life of a higher ranked sprite and ended up marrying them.  In reverse, a sprite highly ranked will lose some of that ranking if they wed someone deemed unsuitable.  Naturally Eileen hates all of this.
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    Author

    I'm Allison Symes and I write novels, short stories as well as some scripts and poems.  I love setting my work in my magical world, the Fairy Kingdom, and my favourite character is Eileen, who believes hypocrisy is something that happens to other people without caring that statement is hypocritical in itself!  Eileen is huge fun to write for and about. 

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