It took Eileen a long time to get really used to life on Earth.  She read many books on human culture, history and so on and these things were useful but the following are the tips she herself has picked up over the years since her defection to marry Derek.

Humour
Eileen knows having a sense of humour is vital but a lot of the subtler forms of comedy pass her by.  Not for Eileen the clever one liner but she is very fond of slapstick.  Jenny prefers her comedy the other way round and thinks it remarkable her mother has any sense of humour.

Cookery
Eileen has become proficient here as has Jenny.  They both like classic British recipes and Jenny's toad in the hole is magnificent.  Cookery is one of the few things both the Kingdom and Earth appreciate.

Getting along with the Neighbours
Eileen considers this vital.  Her background reading as to what she could expect on Earth helped but there's been nothing to beat actually living on the planet in an ordinary house in an ordinary neighbourhood to help Eileen get this right.  The last thing Eileen wants is to draw attention to herself so she must fit in and has found copying a lot of what others do was a good way to get started.  Now of course she's been on Earth so long getting along with the neighbours comes naturally.


Add Comment  EILEEN'S GUIDE TO LIFE ON EARTH - 2 26/11/2013

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  It took Eileen a long time to get really used to life on Earth.  She read many books on human culture, history and so on and these things were useful but the following are the tips she herself has picked up over the years since her defection to marry Derek.

Gardeners
The great thing about being married to a passionate gardener is they tend to be passionate about other things too.  Being great with one's hands in one sphere of life tends to being great with said hands in other areas.  And all Eileen is saying here is she has no complaints.

Television
Eileen found out early on that there's nothing worth watching except the wildlife programmes and historical documentaries.  She welcomes the measured tones of David Attenborough and is slowly getting over her tendency to distrust any commentary (this is thanks to the Kingdom's commentaries being carried out by Roherum for whom no exaggeration is ever too much).

Books
Eileen loves reading - history, humour and crime.  In her old world in the Fairy Kingdom, she made history, was not renowned for humour and had a tremendous crime clear up rate.  She is only too glad to be living a quieter life with no dragons anywhere...
Add Comment  EILEEN'S GUIDE TO LIFE ON EARTH - 1 25/11/2013

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  It took Eileen a long time to get really used to life on Earth.  She read many books on human culture, history and so on and these things were useful but the following are the tips she herself has picked up over the years since her defection to marry Derek.

The Wizard of Oz
Don't make the mistake I did and assume this is a documentary about magical practice in Australia.  It isn't! (Though I could've taken out both of the bad witches with my hands tied behind my back.  I personally think Dorothy a bit of a wimp though the dog's nice).

The Sound of Music
Not overly keen on this, a bit sickly for my tastes, but am intrigued by one of the songs.  Is the Lonely Goatherd that way due to a personal hygiene problem?  It's the reason a lot of folks end up being lonely.  I suggest this to people and all they do is laugh.  Jennifer tells me to stop being funny.  I was unaware I had started being funny...

Dove
I always thought this was just a lovely bird of peace but was delighted to find it's the name of some wonderful gentle cleansing products.  Highly recommend.



























































































































































































Add Comment  THE KINGDOM'S GUIDE TO APPROACHING OTHER SPECIES - PART 3 24/11/2013

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  If you’re unlucky enough to be seconded to a world which seems to be more magically powerful than we are, find out as many details as possible without endangering yourself and then get the hell out of there.  The Queen and her Council will decide on the appropriate course of action after that.  You are not under any circumstances to try to set up a trade deal.  That is strictly for the fairy government to do.  We want to make sure we get the right price for one thing. 

If your cover is blown, get out of the world in question immediately.  The Queen and her Council will investigate that world further - if necessary from a great distance.

Nobody is to report anything they see on other worlds to FNN without prior clearance from the Queen and her Council.  Roherum gossips enough as it is...

The Queen and her Council insist that all their operatives suppress their “natural magical superiority” and treat other species they come across with caution and in a way that won’t trigger unnecessary aggression.  The Kingdom as a whole considers non-magical species inferior but, unlike other magical beings, feels it’s their role to use their powers for good and to help others (if only to stay well away from the magical realm so it is not polluted). 

The rules for coming across other species that turn out to be magical after all is different – be cautious and have your wand ready to fire (though the more flirtatious sprites have had a lot of fun coming up with some dodgy jokes based on this rule).  Add Comment  THE KINGDOM'S GUIDE TO APPROACHING OTHER SPECIES - PART 2 23/11/2013

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  Full notes must be taken and copied to the Queen and her Council as to new species discovered, their lifestyles, their worlds, magical capabilities (if any) and histories.  Photographs and detailed diagrams are looked on with favour though strictly correct anatomical diagrams are not necessarily needed.  Quite frankly the Queen and her Council are sick of looking at different species’ various genitals.  A rough idea of how these species are made (including mating rituals - again the authorities are sick of reading graphic descriptions here) will be sufficient.  Basically if your mother wouldn’t want to read it, the Queen and her Council probably wouldn’t either.  See Eileen’s published papers as a good example of the kind of information the Queen and her Council do seek.  On the other hand do not do what she did and defect to marry one of these wretched inferior species.  This kind of mishap should happen only the once.


If there are any signs of intelligence in the species you study, then treat (a) carefully in case that intelligence backfires on you and (b) gently.  Intelligence in lesser life forms is a rarity and the Kingdom has no wish to crush it (though we will continue to lead all known universes when it comes to being patronizing.  Someone has to do it).  You will only engage in conversation with alien species with full clearance obtained well in advance from the Queen and her Council and you will disguise yourself well enough to cover up any hint you’re the one from an alien world.  You will also note the species’ emotions (what they’re allowed to show - this should become apparent in their behaviour towards you), how they dress and so on.  Also whether there is a purpose in the way in which they do things.  Ideally the more experienced agents will spend some time living with these aliens as one of them as that would give the realm the information it needs so it can defend itself against this new species if necessary and if not still know what it needs to know.                 
                                                                                                                                                     Add Comment  THE KINGDOM'S GUIDE TO APPROACHING OTHER SPECIES 22/11/2013

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  The guiding rule is:-

                                                                                With caution!

It is expected that as much research is done on the potential new species to visit long before contact is actually made.

Every fairy or other magical being legally entitled to make contact with other species must make sure they have had all their vaccinations brought up to date.   Best to play safe here, people.  (And do you know just how many diseases humans can get?  Fancy getting some?  We rather thought not.  Get to your local clinic for that jab(s) NOW!).

Always send scouting parties.  These parties are to be made up of at least three individuals, all proven to be trustworthy, calm and well trained in the magical arts.  This means that no sprites can ever form part of a scouting party.

Don’t approach the species concerned at all unless you have no other choice.  You must find out their language and culture first to know how best to approach them.  We don’t want the Kingdom unwittingly starting wars - again - do we?  Ideally we want to find out about the species’ world and habitat and study them from a suitable distance.

If it is necessary to talk to the species to find out information, be polite.  Remember they cannot help their inferiority to you, especially in the case of non-magical beings.  Be compassionate.  If the species show any signs of intelligence, do what you can to encourage it.  Oh and don’t be patronizing.  We understand other species do not like this.

Every so often you will come across a species worthy of further study.  Do not advertise your presence.  Do not advertise the magical worl’d existence.  And if you absolutely must abduct the individual target you have selected, be discreet.  Always return any abductees as quickly as possible.  Make sure they cannot remember their odd experience.  They need to resume their lives as quickly as possible.

Rather than go for abduction (that kind of thing gives researchers a bad name) blend in with the world and species selected for study.  If necessary forge identities, live amongst these beings for a while and always give a thorough report so the Kingdom can know whether this new species can be friendly with us or whether they are better kept at arms length. Add Comment  WHAT MY CHARACTERS WOULD DO AS HOBBIES PART 6 21/11/2013

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  Stanrock and Whespy...
Stanrock and Whespy (later Stan and Wes) are the mischievous sprites’ sprites.  There are very few practical jokes they have not carried out  and for a long time this was the nearest they got to any kind of hobby.  They also spent  lot of time fighting - other sprites, anybody else annoying them and, most of all, each other.  They got into so much trouble their own kind bundled them off to the Queen to see what she could do with them.  (She wasn't grateful).

Stan is a good cook and carries on with this when he’s on earth.  Wes develops courage and bravery but hasn’t really taken to any hobby.  If he can get his act together with Isabel, maybe that would be something she could encourage.  Isabel would know better than to try to improve his mind (you have to work with the material you’ve got!) but I can see her encouraging him to read (even if it is graphic comics and novels, they would not count as proper literature in her eyes but she’d be too glad he read anything she’d overlook it - this is one view not shared by me.  Graphic novels, when well done, are great). 

Both sprites might get into earth music when they’re there but they’d take to loud pop/rock.  They did develop a taste for wildlife programmes, encouraged by Fresdian (Rose).


Add Comment  WHAT MY CHARACTERS WOULD DO AS HOBBIES PART 5 20/11/2013

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  Paul...
Paul likes gardening, movies, passionately loves Jenny and equally passionately loathes his mother-in-law.  Paul and Jenny are into all kinds of music (most of which Eileen looks down on, added reason to like it  as far as Paul’s concerned).  Paul takes to fatherhood well and adores his son.  He loves playing with Eddie’s toys as well as with Eddie!  And for Eddie, bathtime isn’t bathtime unless Dad’s doing it.  Dad seems to understand the need to get water all over the place unlike Mum.  Paul enjoys driving, gets on very well with his father-in-law (whom he pities) though Paul is conscious that if Eileen weren’t around, he would miss baiting her so that counts as a hobby too!  Paul likes wildlife (except squirrels who keep destroying bird feeders as Greyfur would be the first to testify).  And Paul is one of the few who when claiming his mother-in-law is a witch is closer to the truth than he knows...

Fresdian (later Rose)...
Fresdian, later Rose, is the Fairy Kingdom’s equivalent of David Attenborough and is devoted to all things flora and fauna.  Going to earth later merely gives her a marvellous opportunity to study flora and fauna elsewhere.  She has been to be out in all weathers so rambling is a major part of her life too.  And she wears good, sturdy practical clothing so she has one eye on fashion - the fashion suitable for a country lady rather than for some silly girl.  Fresdian wouldn’t dream of trying to impress any  male!  Fresdian is also a great secret keeper.  She keeps from everyone the fact she is of the fairy godmother class.  She saw what happened to Eileen and is determined it should never happen to her.  Had Fresdian fulfilled her proper duties and joined Eileen in fighting all things evil the way she was meant to, there is a strong possibility that Eileen would never have defected.  On the other hand, Fresdian knows Eileen owes her happy marriage and indirectly Jennifer to that secrecy. Add Comment  WHAT MY CHARACTERS WOULD DO AS HOBBIES PART 4 19/11/2013

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  DEREK PAIGE - Pierce Brosnan with Alan Titchmarsh! (latter for gardening skills!)
For a woman who gives up royal status, power, influence etc and to do so for a mere human man, that man  must be someone special.  Someone who knows what to do with his fingers and not just in the garden either!  Derek is tall, dark, handsome, a fanatical gardener, devoted to his wife and family, humane, compassionate and shows the good side of humanity.  It frustrates Eileen her old world won’t see that and reject him on the grounds of his species.  Problems erupt when Derek’s enabled to find out who Eileen really is.  He’s devastated by this.  Eileen’s devastated by having to use mind wipes on the man she loves, and that increases when he becomes ill as a result, the first warning sign that charm has been used too often.  Derek is a great father to Jenny, loves being a granddad to Eddie and gets on very well with Paul, much to his wife’s disgust.


MELANBURY, L’EVALLIER’S WIFE - Joely Richardson
Gorgeous, aristocratic, surprised to find herself genuinely falling for her husband and later enjoying sex (her parents never mentioned much about it and the start of her marriage was disastrous as a result.  It was apparent Melanbury seemed to be afraid of being in the same room as L’Evallier, this situation thankfully for both of them changed).  Is prejudiced against hybrids and humans.  Tends to back the Queen but comes to realize Jenny does have her virtues and the monarch is going too far in wanting to force the girl into the Kingdom (though of course if Melanbury had her way no hybrid would go anywhere near the realm, ever).   She and L’Evallier become a real team. And despite her parents’ disapproval of working women, Melanbury becomes the Queen’s correspondence secretary.  Melanbury’s life takes off from this point - she discovers she wants to be useful. Add Comment  WHAT MY CHARACTERS WOULD DO AS HOBBIES PART 3 18/11/2013

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  Hanastrew, Eileen's protege and scourge of the Witch
Hanastrew doesn’t get much time for hobbies thanks to the demands of her job though her devotion to truly good food is renowned thorughout the Kingdom.  She has no time for salads and all the time in every known world for chocolate eclairs.  Thankfully her job is so demanding she can eat  as much as she likes as she burns everything she eats.  Still it’s better than lettng those nasty dragons do the burning up!  She’s a reluctant reader, thinks etiquette a complete waste of everyone’s time and it comes as no surprise to anyone in the Kingdom that Eileen was Hanastrew’s mentor and heroine.  Hanastrew is keen on keeping the squad ready for any emergency so she does a certain amount of magical keep fit with them on a semi-regular basis.  She likes to be ready for anything...  One of the few things about Earth she likes is its chocolate.  Eileen occasionally arranges for some to be sent to her.  The Queen does not approve but Hanastrew approves - she adores Dairy Milk Caramel.

Brankaresh, Chief Wizard, misogynist, scourge to anything getting in his way....
Brankaresh’s main hobby is working out  a way of getting extra powers for himself.  Marrying the Queen falls into that category.  The fact he does fancy her is a bonus but Manatrix, the old wizard imprisoned by Brankaresh only because at the time the latter did not dare commit another murder for fear of it arousing suspicion, has realised his foe would hump a gargoyle if it got Brankaresh  more power.  Brankaresh’s other pastime is getting rid of foes without it seeming as if they have been got rid of, something Manatrix knew but couldn’t prove and sadly he himself goes on to become another victim.  Sadly there was a time when Brankaresh didn't have to worry about the risk of exposure.  The Kingdom was under threat from the Witch (and unknown to most Brankaresh as well) so this gave the wizard a good "screen".  Brankaresh reads in depth when it suits him and likes to know all there is to be known about his Council colleagues, mainly planning to use it against them.  Brankaresh is intelligent and charming but has no time for feminism and absolutely loathes Eileen, who returns the feeling.  Brankaresh’s main concern, main interest is only for himself Add Comment  << Previous

If you’re unlucky enough to be seconded to a world which seems to be more magically powerful than we are, find out as many details as possible without endangering yourself and then get the hell out of there.  The Queen and her Council will decide on the appropriate course of action after that.  You are not under any circumstances to try to set up a trade deal.  That is strictly for the fairy government to do.  We want to make sure we get the right price for one thing. 

If your cover is blown, get out of the world in question immediately.  The Queen and her Council will investigate that world further - if necessary from a great distance.

Nobody is to report anything they see on other worlds to FNN without prior clearance from the Queen and her Council.  Roherum gossips enough as it is...

The Queen and her Council insist that all their operatives suppress their “natural magical superiority” and treat other species they come across with caution and in a way that won’t trigger unnecessary aggression.  The Kingdom as a whole considers non-magical species inferior but, unlike other magical beings, feels it’s their role to use their powers for good and to help others (if only to stay well away from the magical realm so it is not polluted). 

The rules for coming across other species that turn out to be magical after all is different – be cautious and have your wand ready to fire (though the more flirtatious sprites have had a lot of fun coming up with some dodgy jokes based on this rule). 

Full notes must be taken and copied to the Queen and her Council as to new species discovered, their lifestyles, their worlds, magical capabilities (if any) and histories.  Photographs and detailed diagrams are looked on with favour though strictly correct anatomical diagrams are not necessarily needed.  Quite frankly the Queen and her Council are sick of looking at different species’ various genitals.  A rough idea of how these species are made (including mating rituals - again the authorities are sick of reading graphic descriptions here) will be sufficient.  Basically if your mother wouldn’t want to read it, the Queen and her Council probably wouldn’t either.  See Eileen’s published papers as a good example of the kind of information the Queen and her Council do seek.  On the other hand do not do what she did and defect to marry one of these wretched inferior species.  This kind of mishap should happen only the once.


If there are any signs of intelligence in the species you study, then treat (a) carefully in case that intelligence backfires on you and (b) gently.  Intelligence in lesser life forms is a rarity and the Kingdom has no wish to crush it (though we will continue to lead all known universes when it comes to being patronizing.  Someone has to do it).  You will only engage in conversation with alien species with full clearance obtained well in advance from the Queen and her Council and you will disguise yourself well enough to cover up any hint you’re the one from an alien world.  You will also note the species’ emotions (what they’re allowed to show - this should become apparent in their behaviour towards you), how they dress and so on.  Also whether there is a purpose in the way in which they do things.  Ideally the more experienced agents will spend some time living with these aliens as one of them as that would give the realm the information it needs so it can defend itself against this new species if necessary and if not still know what it needs to know.                 
                                                                                                                                                    

The guiding rule is:-

                                                                                With caution!

It is expected that as much research is done on the potential new species to visit long before contact is actually made.

Every fairy or other magical being legally entitled to make contact with other species must make sure they have had all their vaccinations brought up to date.   Best to play safe here, people.  (And do you know just how many diseases humans can get?  Fancy getting some?  We rather thought not.  Get to your local clinic for that jab(s) NOW!).

Always send scouting parties.  These parties are to be made up of at least three individuals, all proven to be trustworthy, calm and well trained in the magical arts.  This means that no sprites can ever form part of a scouting party.

Don’t approach the species concerned at all unless you have no other choice.  You must find out their language and culture first to know how best to approach them.  We don’t want the Kingdom unwittingly starting wars - again - do we?  Ideally we want to find out about the species’ world and habitat and study them from a suitable distance.

If it is necessary to talk to the species to find out information, be polite.  Remember they cannot help their inferiority to you, especially in the case of non-magical beings.  Be compassionate.  If the species show any signs of intelligence, do what you can to encourage it.  Oh and don’t be patronizing.  We understand other species do not like this.

Every so often you will come across a species worthy of further study.  Do not advertise your presence.  Do not advertise the magical worl’d existence.  And if you absolutely must abduct the individual target you have selected, be discreet.  Always return any abductees as quickly as possible.  Make sure they cannot remember their odd experience.  They need to resume their lives as quickly as possible.

Rather than go for abduction (that kind of thing gives researchers a bad name) blend in with the world and species selected for study.  If necessary forge identities, live amongst these beings for a while and always give a thorough report so the Kingdom can know whether this new species can be friendly with us or whether they are better kept at arms length.

Stanrock and Whespy...
Stanrock and Whespy (later Stan and Wes) are the mischievous sprites’ sprites.  There are very few practical jokes they have not carried out  and for a long time this was the nearest they got to any kind of hobby.  They also spent  lot of time fighting - other sprites, anybody else annoying them and, most of all, each other.  They got into so much trouble their own kind bundled them off to the Queen to see what she could do with them.  (She wasn't grateful).

Stan is a good cook and carries on with this when he’s on earth.  Wes develops courage and bravery but hasn’t really taken to any hobby.  If he can get his act together with Isabel, maybe that would be something she could encourage.  Isabel would know better than to try to improve his mind (you have to work with the material you’ve got!) but I can see her encouraging him to read (even if it is graphic comics and novels, they would not count as proper literature in her eyes but she’d be too glad he read anything she’d overlook it - this is one view not shared by me.  Graphic novels, when well done, are great). 

Both sprites might get into earth music when they’re there but they’d take to loud pop/rock.  They did develop a taste for wildlife programmes, encouraged by Fresdian (Rose).

Paul...
Paul likes gardening, movies, passionately loves Jenny and equally passionately loathes his mother-in-law.  Paul and Jenny are into all kinds of music (most of which Eileen looks down on, added reason to like it  as far as Paul’s concerned).  Paul takes to fatherhood well and adores his son.  He loves playing with Eddie’s toys as well as with Eddie!  And for Eddie, bathtime isn’t bathtime unless Dad’s doing it.  Dad seems to understand the need to get water all over the place unlike Mum.  Paul enjoys driving, gets on very well with his father-in-law (whom he pities) though Paul is conscious that if Eileen weren’t around, he would miss baiting her so that counts as a hobby too!  Paul likes wildlife (except squirrels who keep destroying bird feeders as Greyfur would be the first to testify).  And Paul is one of the few who when claiming his mother-in-law is a witch is closer to the truth than he knows...

Fresdian (later Rose)...
Fresdian, later Rose, is the Fairy Kingdom’s equivalent of David Attenborough and is devoted to all things flora and fauna.  Going to earth later merely gives her a marvellous opportunity to study flora and fauna elsewhere.  She has been to be out in all weathers so rambling is a major part of her life too.  And she wears good, sturdy practical clothing so she has one eye on fashion - the fashion suitable for a country lady rather than for some silly girl.  Fresdian wouldn’t dream of trying to impress any  male!  Fresdian is also a great secret keeper.  She keeps from everyone the fact she is of the fairy godmother class.  She saw what happened to Eileen and is determined it should never happen to her.  Had Fresdian fulfilled her proper duties and joined Eileen in fighting all things evil the way she was meant to, there is a strong possibility that Eileen would never have defected.  On the other hand, Fresdian knows Eileen owes her happy marriage and indirectly Jennifer to that secrecy.

DEREK PAIGE - Pierce Brosnan with Alan Titchmarsh! (latter for gardening skills!)
For a woman who gives up royal status, power, influence etc and to do so for a mere human man, that man  must be someone special.  Someone who knows what to do with his fingers and not just in the garden either!  Derek is tall, dark, handsome, a fanatical gardener, devoted to his wife and family, humane, compassionate and shows the good side of humanity.  It frustrates Eileen her old world won’t see that and reject him on the grounds of his species.  Problems erupt when Derek’s enabled to find out who Eileen really is.  He’s devastated by this.  Eileen’s devastated by having to use mind wipes on the man she loves, and that increases when he becomes ill as a result, the first warning sign that charm has been used too often.  Derek is a great father to Jenny, loves being a granddad to Eddie and gets on very well with Paul, much to his wife’s disgust.


MELANBURY, L’EVALLIER’S WIFE - Joely Richardson
Gorgeous, aristocratic, surprised to find herself genuinely falling for her husband and later enjoying sex (her parents never mentioned much about it and the start of her marriage was disastrous as a result.  It was apparent Melanbury seemed to be afraid of being in the same room as L’Evallier, this situation thankfully for both of them changed).  Is prejudiced against hybrids and humans.  Tends to back the Queen but comes to realize Jenny does have her virtues and the monarch is going too far in wanting to force the girl into the Kingdom (though of course if Melanbury had her way no hybrid would go anywhere near the realm, ever).   She and L’Evallier become a real team. And despite her parents’ disapproval of working women, Melanbury becomes the Queen’s correspondence secretary.  Melanbury’s life takes off from this point - she discovers she wants to be useful.

Hanastrew, Eileen's protege and scourge of the Witch
Hanastrew doesn’t get much time for hobbies thanks to the demands of her job though her devotion to truly good food is renowned thorughout the Kingdom.  She has no time for salads and all the time in every known world for chocolate eclairs.  Thankfully her job is so demanding she can eat  as much as she likes as she burns everything she eats.  Still it’s better than lettng those nasty dragons do the burning up!  She’s a reluctant reader, thinks etiquette a complete waste of everyone’s time and it comes as no surprise to anyone in the Kingdom that Eileen was Hanastrew’s mentor and heroine.  Hanastrew is keen on keeping the squad ready for any emergency so she does a certain amount of magical keep fit with them on a semi-regular basis.  She likes to be ready for anything...  One of the few things about Earth she likes is its chocolate.  Eileen occasionally arranges for some to be sent to her.  The Queen does not approve but Hanastrew approves - she adores Dairy Milk Caramel.

Brankaresh, Chief Wizard, misogynist, scourge to anything getting in his way....
Brankaresh’s main hobby is working out  a way of getting extra powers for himself.  Marrying the Queen falls into that category.  The fact he does fancy her is a bonus but Manatrix, the old wizard imprisoned by Brankaresh only because at the time the latter did not dare commit another murder for fear of it arousing suspicion, has realised his foe would hump a gargoyle if it got Brankaresh  more power.  Brankaresh’s other pastime is getting rid of foes without it seeming as if they have been got rid of, something Manatrix knew but couldn’t prove and sadly he himself goes on to become another victim.  Sadly there was a time when Brankaresh didn't have to worry about the risk of exposure.  The Kingdom was under threat from the Witch (and unknown to most Brankaresh as well) so this gave the wizard a good "screen".  Brankaresh reads in depth when it suits him and likes to know all there is to be known about his Council colleagues, mainly planning to use it against them.  Brankaresh is intelligent and charming but has no time for feminism and absolutely loathes Eileen, who returns the feeling.  Brankaresh’s main concern, main interest is only for himself

Jenny... the fairy/human hybrid...
Jenny loves books though has gone off fantasy somewhat since discovering her mother’s past.  Fairy tales no longer seem so sweet, given actual fairies are far from perfect beings.  She wishes she didn't know this from personal experience.  She also loves music in a wide range of styles.  Her passions she saves for Paul and chocolate.  This woman has her head screwed on the right way!  And when Eddie comes along, Jenny reads every parenting book and magazine she can get her hands on.  Jenny is thorough (which ironicially would make her a great fairy worker as far as the Queen and even Eileen, when happily living in the Fairy Kingdom herself, are concerned).  Jenny also regularly reads her Bible notes and is particularly fond of the Psalms.  But the magical powers she's inherited from her mother as well as the ones she develops bother her.  Just what is she supposed to do with these things?  Can she reconcile them from her faith?  A latter hobby of Jenny's is not to think too much about this.  She can't think of a solution to it but refuses to be cowed by this.

The Chief Witch...
The Chief Witch doesn’t enjoy hobbies.  She sees her job as spreading terror and destruction and trying to grab the Fairy Kingdom throne as one great big hobby.  Why seek anything else?  Though to be fair the Witch has got spying to an art form.  She takes a great interest in improving the fire power of her spells and trying to work out how to outwit Eileen.

L'Evallier and Melanbury...
L’Evallier and Melanbury would consider it common to have hobbies as such but there is very little they do not know about fine art, books, wine - anything fine really.  Melanbury, when with Hanastrew, would allow herself to listen to whatever music her friend is listening to but would never do so if her husband was about nor would she reveal what she had heard to him. Girly gossip with Hanastrew is an unofficial hobby for Melanbury as there is no way L’Evallier would understand his wife’s need not to be posh all the time.  L’Evallier reads an amazing amount of state papers, current day and historical, so does not read much for pleasure.  He does enjoy brisk walks in the Palace gardens.  It’s also amazing what conversations you can overhear when others go walking out there so he finds it useful on those grounds too.

Roxannadrell, the Fairy Queen
The Fairy Queen would research old spells and magic found on other worlds in case she could think of a use for it - and she would find a use!  It is known the fairy royals have amassed a huge collection of spells (and as a result power.  Brankaresh was after taking at least some of this for himself).  She likes music, her favourite kind being fanfares and always has her own squad of trumpeters with her whenever she is out and about in her realm so she can have an anthem to go whenever she wants.  She likes fine art - her ancestors have collected so much of it the Queen feels it’s obligatory to take an interest in it.  Fine art for her ranges from pictures to sculptures to classic jewellery.

Eileen, the awkward beggar
Eileen just wants to do anything human so gardening is high on her list.   It’s also Derek’s passion (other than herself!) and she loves spending time with him so both are well weathered, both have had their fair share of being torn to shreds by awkward plants that really don’t want to be moved or removed.  Eileen likes nice food and drink too. She has become a reasonable cook (though she despises the portion sizes offered up by posh restaurants as being stingy and overpriced).  She likes watching investigative journalism programmes (they remind her of how far Roherum has to go and she admires those trying to bring criminal humans to book). 

Official History...
History, once written down, is not allowed to be altered by law.  Revisionism is treated like a notifiable contagious disease here.  It is possible to ask questions about the official line, Eileen has, but these are few and far between.  Most Kingdom writers prefer to give their take on the realm’s most famous historical characters.  Everyone criticizes Gwendolyn.  Nobody criticizes (in print) Roxannadrell.  Eileen’s verbal outbursts are ignored.  The Queen’s Librarian is expected to be shown manuscripts before they are published though Eileen defied this and nothing was said, almost certainly due to her royal status.

FNN Development...
FNN’s founders visited Earth on the quiet because they wanted to develop a news broadcasting system and wanted to see how humans did it, so“lifted” the television system we have and renamed it fairyvision.  When it comes to spells the fairy realm can be inventive.  Pinching ideas and renaming them seems to drain imaginative processes here.  When the realm “pinched” journalism, they renamed it journalling.  When it pinched cameras, they renamed them camesar.  FNN’s founders, who have gone to a great deal of trouble to keep their identity quiet, on setting up a broadcasting system discovered the public loved it, which meant Gwendolyn had no choice but to accept it.  She was at that stage fighting to get yet another human paramour accepted and couldn’t afford to fight too many battles at the same time so FNN got on to the air with barely a murmur of protest.  And the Council at the time thought it might help them to rein the Queen in by allowing open criticism.  It hasn’t quite worked that way.  Nobody anticipated Roherum’s avuncular style of broadcasting.  No incisive questioning here but the public love him so his role is safe for now.

Thunderock and D'Athson...
Thunderrock, the troll, and D’Athson, the orc, have something in common in that their ancestors made a major switch in policy when they elected to serve the fairy royals.  The fairy royals rewarded the trolls and orcs well for deserting their usual ruler, the Chief Witch’s family.  She took her rage out on those goblins that defected rather than on the trolls and orcs directly.  She insisted this was because she had a special fate in mind for the traitors that needed time to develop.  The trolls, orcs and Kingdom generally didn’t see it that way.  They saw it as cowardice on the Witch’s part.

FNN...
FNN have produced many in depth programmes looking at the realm’s past but very much told from the official point of view.  These programmes are used in schools and are compulsory viewing for all pupils, regardless of species.  Eileen’s books are referred to in these programmes as they are a source of raw material but they are referred to in as brief a manner as possible and are only mentioned at all because Eileen wrote them (there would be repercussions from the Great Lady if she wasn’t credited, she’d make sure of that!).

Regional Records...
Each region keeps its own official records and the Regional Mayor (elected from the mayors of all the towns and villages within the region) is in overall charge of these.  They are always well guarded.  Flames are allowed nowhere near the mini-libraries in which these are kept.  And the regional records tally with those kept at the Palace (not that this comes as a surprise.  While Roxannadrell is not a tyrant, unlike many of her ancestors, it still pays not to get the wrong side of her.  Rebellion can be left to the expert - Eileen).

Royal Rebels...
Gwendolyn is not the only fairy royal to go off the rails though she remains the best known.  And when the current Queen tries to rein Eileen in, she uses Gwendolyn’s dreadful example to try to shock her cousin into behaving, knowing Eileen does not approve of their ancestor’s antics.  It fails as when Eileen falls in love, she begins to understand a little of why Gwendolyn acted the way she did.  Eileen honestly believes her attempt at a clean break with the Kingdom is far more honourable than what Gwendolyn did given the latter took her unsuitable paramours home and was aghast at the consequences (civil wars!).

L'Evallier...
L’Evallier’s lineage is one of the most distinguished in the realm.  His ancestors have served the fairy royals for millennia.  He takes his responsibilities as Council Leader and Chief Elf seriously (not all of his kind have and some were downright corrupt but naturally he never talks about them).  Unlike his ancestors, L’Evallier sees it as his duty to be the monarch’s conscience.  Naturally Roxannadrell wishes L’Evallier had not taken this upon himself.  L’Evallier is proud of the fact many of his ancestors have fought dragons and foul fiends for centuries.  Courage is highly treasured by his family and kind.

Rodish and Balkish...
Rodish, and brother Balkish, come from a very long line of battle hardened dwarves who know more about mining and gold finds than almost any other dwarf family in the realm.  Dwarf ancestries tend to refer to their folk as coming from a “good seam” rather than noble stock.  Coming from a good mine refers to the amount of gold found as opposed to its safety record (though in fairness dwarves don’t like losing anything so do make strenuous efforts to keep their miners safe).  Because of their lifestyle, dwarves prefer to be direct and honest - there isn’t time to muck about with words when you’re working in the dark in the mines.

Rebel Royals...
Gwendolyn found the formality of her parents’ Court too much to bear and rather like our Edward VIII went well off the rails.  She proudly claimed to be the monarch that made history, which was true, but forgot statements like this so often are not complimentary.  What the realm really needs is a steady pair of hands on the tiller, not exciting Heads of State who stir everything up.  And Gwendolyn found out the hard way that it is possible to have far too many enemies for comfort...

Royal Ironies...
The biggest irony of the Kingdom’s history is the fact Gwendolyn started the Council system to help her govern the realm so she could travel to other universes and leave her duties behind her.  Yet it was the Council who organized the dragon that was to destroy Gwendolyn (the Palace is supposed to be protected against evil creatures).  Nor did they find Gwendolyn’s successor, her docile niece (Roxannadrell’s mother) quite as docile as they thought or unaware of exactly what had happened to her mother.

Royal replacements...
Graxia, Gwendolyn’s niece and Roxannadrell’s mother, was a complete contrast to her predecessor.  This was because she had to be and she had no wish to face a dragon selected for her demise.  Graxia delayed marriage, to her Council’s frustration as it left the succession unclear, until the Kingdom had recovered from the worse of the traumas inflicted on it by her aunt.  Graxia saw this as her duty.  Her Council wanted her to get on with breeding heirs quickly.  But Graxia got her way here and when she was ready to wed had no opposition to her choice of husband as by then the Council were desperate to marry her off.  She played her hand well, so unlike her late unlamented aunt.

How Not To Rule...
Gwendolyn didn’t set out to cause trouble but found the restrictions surrounding being monarch suffocating.  She sought love - on other dimensions and with other species, including humans.  She left partners - with devastating consequences when one, and their child, went over to the dark side.  The Chief Witch, who was that child, do have a genuine complaint against the late ruler.  Gwendolyn set up the Council system to help her govern the realm, which made it easier for her to go travelling, but eventually they turned against her and arranged her death by conveniently placed dragon.  She is the example of what not to do.

Why the Kingdom exists...
The Kingdom came into existence the moment evil entered the universe.  Evil encourages evil creatures.  Where evil exists good needs to counteract it.  And the Kingdom is as split between good and evil as any other universe including our own.  The use of power and influence is split equally too.  The magical realm, led by the fairies, is generally proud that it can and does rein evil in though it usually has to do so by physical fighting.  The fairies’ argument is if they didn’t do this, well an evil magical world is not exactly something you want able to wreak havoc everywhere.  Eileen is not entirely happy with this attitude, believing in itself this covers up a lot of evil.  Eileen feels that where reconciliation is a possibility, it should be pursued.  Despite her own marvellous fighting pedigree, Eileen and to a lesser extent Fresdian are the nearest the realm gets to pacifists.

The Kingdom's internal wars...
Almost all of the Kingdom’s internal wars have been effectively property disputes.  Dwarves digging out mines in areas already occupied by the above ground species.  Above ground species forcing the dwarves out (by killing those “stupid” enough to resist - kill enough dwarves and the rest get the message).  Witches and wizards wanting to carve out greater areas for themselves and their allies have caused wars.  And ultimately the fairies, especially the royals, in an attempt to restore any kind of order used much magical force to do so.  Maybe the reason the magical species here despise humanity is they know that only magic is the thing that separates us.  They like to consider themselves better than humans but they’re not.

Tidying Up...
The Queen would like to “tidy”up the less pleasant history stories but knows the outcry from Eileen, L’Evallier, most of the Council and even FNN means that it is not worth even attempting to do this.  Even she can only cope with so much criticism at a time.  She does sometimes feel disillusioned given the records show her ancestors rarely took well to criticism.  She has to put up with it.  The Kingdom has moved on.  Eileen sees this as the point of history - learn from it, move on and don’t make the same mistakes.

Eileen's Reading Materials...
Eileen had to read the life histories of all heirs to the Fairy Kingdom throne.  All heirs had to do this so she is merely continuing a tradition.  Most of the stories were very lively.  Some of the heirs survived and went on to inherit.  A lot did not.  Eileen sees having to read these as an official warning from the authorities as a whole and resents it.  Still the stories are gripping and she’s always liked that.  It’s just a pity from her viewpoint that these stories are factual.  It’s also annoying given The Great Rebel as she’s been called has a lot to do to overcome the antics of her predecessors.  And that annoys a lady who likes to think she’s the best!

Making History...
Eileen is one of the few to make Kingdom history being the only fairy godmother ever to defect to marry a mere human man.  Not that she had making history on her mind when she did this.  Nor does her daughter appreciate the making history bit either.  Jenny was even less impressed on discovering her royal connections.  The Kingdom may hate the idea of possibly having a half-human monarch.  They don’t hate the idea as much as she does though.  Gwendolyn’s history is kept as quiet as possible though everyone knows how the dragon destroyed the erring ruler.  And dragons don’t go anywhere by accident...

Eileen and Jennifer...
Eileen of course spent her time in the realm fighting foul fiends and dragons.  Jennifer has no wish to emulate her mother though has had to kill a dragon and an ogre herself already.  The Kingdom thinks nothing of this.  It has, in its view, had to kill since not long after its inception.  Magic tends to attract those greedy for power.  Eileen’s constant watchfulness and criticism of her own side has been to make sure that can’t be said for them - at least with any justification.  Eileen and Jennifer share a wish that in the Kingdom and on Earth that one day history doesn’t have to be violent.  This is unlikely to be fulfilled in either realm.

The Queen's diaries...
The Queen keeps her own diaries which, with the consent of her Council, will only be published 50 years after her death.  The Queen sees this as her version of events, of history to come.  The Council think the same, hence no publication during her lifetime and for a while beyond it.  Nobody, including Eileen, has ever seen what the Queen writes though Eileen is scathing enough to believe her cousin will only put down things that make her appear in a good light.  What Eileen hopes is that future magical historians read the Queen’s diaries with a massive pinch of salt.

Learning from Magical History...
Jenny is not at all impressed with what she’s found out about the magical world’s past.  She considers their attitude to humanity’s fighting hypocritical.  Nor does she want to be caught up in the realm’s future!  Aside from her natural misgivings, she has read several stories of heroes from unexpected backgrounds going on to make good.  It’s what they have to do to make good that worries Jenny - killing foul fiends, giants, ogres, dragons etc.  She liked fairytales (her views are jaundiced due to Eileen’s revelations) but now seems them as dire warnings not to get involved with magic.  This is Jenny’s lesson from magical history.

Eileen and her mother, Marina...
Eileen still hasn’t told Jennifer anything about her grandmother’s past as Eileen fears Jennifer will think she’s trying to use this to exploit the girl.  Eileen is vulnerable where Jennifer is concerned.  Anyone else and she’d happily exploit them but not her own daughter.  Eileen would at some point like to campaign for a proper statue to be put up to commemorate her mother but knows she is unlikely to get this out of the Queen unless she agrees to returning to the Kingdom at once.  FNN did once do a brief biography of Marina as part of their royal series but her sudden, unexpected death for whom nobody was ever brought officially to account, meant they could only give out sketchy information. 

Marina's death...
Marina’s death was never officially investigated, which is unusual in the realm’s long history.  It is unique given her royal (by marriage) status.  There was no question of her death being anything but murder.  It was left to Eileen, as she matured, to look into the matter and deal with the culprits as she saw fit.  They were her first “kills”, though she saw it as the executions which were unaccountably delayed.  Eileen does not blame Roxannadrell - the latter was not on the throne but her mother, Eileen’s aunt was, and even Eileen sometimes thinks there are things so deep they’re best left buried.

Troublemakers...
Marina was not the only troublemaker to be got rid of as over the centuries various beings who asked awkward questions ended up dead in a variety of ways.  This was why Brankaresh was so hopeful Eileen would get her comeuppance without him necessarily having to do anything about it.  He forgot in Eileen’s being out and about, talking to people, getting rid of obvious threats such as dragons and trolls, she was enormously popular.  This gave Queen and Council a dilemma too.  There was a limit as to how far they could rein Eileen in, given they didn’t want to upset the populace either.

Royal Fighters...
Marina and Eileen come from a very long line of noble royal fighters.  Part of the reason the royals bagged the throne was they led the defence of the realm when it was being attacked by outside forces and it was felt giving them the crown was an appropriate way of thanking them.  Eileen certainly believes it’s become a bit of a curse and has no wish to inherit it herself.  Jennifer was horrified to learn she wasn’t just half fairy but half royal fairy.  She got out of dressing up in a posh frock and a crown when she was a kid.

Control of "military" activities...
There isn’t a military in the magical realm.  All fairies are meant to be “good”, most wizards are as are some witches (the ones who stick to studying herbs and their healing properties as opposed to those who like shoving kids in an oven.  It’s so vital to be able to tell which witch is which!).  Some wizards have been known to develop spells that can be used as weapons and seek to sell them to the highest bidder.  The fairy government gets around this problem by making sure they are the highest bidder.  They then usually arrest the wizard trying this scheme!

Wizard Competitions...
Because so many wizards went over to the dark side in the olden days, the fairy royals instituted a new idea where the best wizards would compete in a competition held once a year to show who was the most powerful.  The wizards took part for the prestige of winning a magically sponsored competition.  The fairy royals got to see who was the most ambitious new wizard rising through the ranks.  They could and did then take steps to ensure these wizards only worked for them - it’s not just the Chief Witch who thinks blackmail is a phenomenally useful tool!

The Throne...
The Queen’s and Eileen’s family have had their own fair of trouble where contenders for the throne vied for it.  Still as the records show this was always sorted out - someone inconvenient died.  The Queen herself inherited her throne thanks to the murder of her mother by the Chief Witch in revenge for slights on her family and the fact the Queen’s mother killed the Witch’s one.  This was done in self defence but there was no way the Witch was going to accept that “excuse”.  There have been some, half hearted calls to turn the realm into a republic on the basis that there wouldn’t be fighting for the throne if you took the throne away.  But what’s gone against this have been the numbers of good monarchs have outweighed the bad ones, the Kingdom likes its traditions, and nobody wanted to see the spectacle of presidential contenders vying for votes.  The realm has seen this happen on Earth and think it distasteful and lacking in dignity.

Eileen's troubled past...
Eileen’s past is a troubled one.  She found out about her own mother’s murder (Marina - almost certainly killed for daring to speak her mind) only in early adulthood.  Nobody had wanted to speak about it partly to avoid upsetting Eileen, who showed she knew her own mind from a very early age, but also because it was suspected (though never properly proven) Marina’s murder was akin to a politicial assassination.  Eileen swore to herself she’d uphold her mother’s reputation for truthfulness and belief that justice was worth fighting for.  Marina, certainly up to her daughter’s defection, would be proud of Eileen.

External Wars...
It is felt that the Kingdom will have another external war before too long.  There are loads of alien species out there and it’s a matter of time before one of them decides to try to steal the magic again.  Eileen believes the Queen’s arrogant attitude is likely to speed this up.  Naturally the Queen does not agree!  There are patrols at the various dimension barriers but Eileen feels these need to be beefed up.  She’d like to see the patrol groups practice magic more aggressively.  It is known that brief glimpses of the world on the other side of the barrier can be seen so to have the Kingdom patrol units actively engaged in mock fighting ought to serve as a warning to anyone taking a quick peep.  So far Queen and Council have rejected this on the grounds of unnecessary waste of magical energy.

Kingdom hypocrisy...
The great irony is that the Kingdom despises humanity for our warlike tendencies.  They don’t believe in seeing themselves as others see them!  Eileen, bless her, has often condemned this blatant hypocrisy and it is widely whispered if it were not for her royal status she would be jailed for such remarks.  The hierarchy can be stunningly sensitive to criticism at times.  In fairness, the fairy royals have worked tirelessly for centuries to try to stop infighting between the varioius magical species.  Eileen wanted to bridge damaged relationships between the fairy royals and the Chief Witch but there was no way the Queen would accept that.

Internal wars...
A lot of the ancient Kingdom wars weren’t meant to embroil the whole realm.  They started off as battles between opposing groups - often a village plagued by the antics of boisterous sprites would call in a wizard or two.  They’d deal with the problem initially (sprites died, this was always considered a good idea by anyone not a sprite) but then would follow the inevitable quarrels as to who succeeded the most and deserved the most credit (and rewarding gifts) from the monarch.  Even when the villages were foresighted enough to only call in one wizard, there were cases of power going to the head and the wizard going beyond the terms of his commission.  The village would then need to call in someone more powerful to stop him.  There isn’t a village in the realm not affected by this somewhere in the past.