Eileen's "revisionist" history....
Eileen has written her version of Fairy Kingdom history.  Only a few leather bound copies were produced and these are all kept in the Palace Library.  The only reason they’ve not been destroyed is Eileen would create merry hell if they were.  People are allowed to read Eileen’s works though they have to state who they are when asking for the books.  This puts people off.  Eileen herself wants this practice stopped pointing out with monotonous regularity (Queen’s viewpoint) the bullying nature of this.  The Queen has done what she usually does with anything she dislikes - ignore it!

Official Kingdom history....
The official version of Kingdom history is that the Chief Witch’s family were responsible for all the warmongering and damage done to lives, land and property throughout the centuries.  The Witch’s family always argued they were treated shabbily by the royals, especially by Gwendolyn, and had to defend themselves against fairy royal aggression.  Naturally there are faults on both sides but what shocked many, including the current Queen, is that Eileen had a great deal of sympathy with the Witch, acknowledged the royals had their faults and that at least some of the violence of the past could and should have been avoided.  Eileen is very much the renegade here and Brankaresh tried to use her sympathy for the Witch against her, to no avail much to his frustration.

Early Kingdom history....
Early Kingdom history was easier to follow.  Someone started a war, usually a witch with ambition, and the fairy royals heroically stopped it.  There is also a lot of snobbery between witches and fairies - both despise the other, both don’t like backing down or admitting they’ve got it wrong.  All the right ingredients for war on a regular basis.  Eileen despises this and blames both sides equally.  The Queen feels Eileen is far too critical of the royal side and not critical enough of the witches’ side.  Eileen is not surprised.  She sees it as her role to criticize the fairy monarchy when it needs it and she will not be silenced.

The Beginning...
The Kingdom came into history not long after humans began telling stories around the campfires.  This magical world needs stories and beings with the creative ability to write and read them to exist at all.  The fairy royals in my world have a divine commission to keep an eye on certain worlds and Earth is the main one.  The reason for this is that sometimes fairies deputize for when it is felt sending the angelic squad would be a bad case of overkill.  As the Fairy Kingdom develops its magic over time, so do humans develop on Earth.  And the beginning of the Fairy Kingdom’s existence was very violent indeed as evil and good magic strove to take the dominant role…  Even now there are those not sure which side won!

The role of the royals...
At the time of the Brenebourne novels, Roxannadrell is on the Fairy Throne but her ancestors snatched the realm from the control of the witch clans over 1500 years previously.  Not only did this guarantee poor relations between the witches and fairies, when Great Granny Queen Gwendolyn married a wizard, had a child with him and then dumped them to move on to someone new, they went over to the dark side and continued the hatred leaving the Chief Witch to inherit from her grandmother and mother a bloody thirsty wish for revenge.  The royals have brought some kind of democracy and stability to the realm in a way the witches would never have done though.  The witches generally feel the fairy royals bribed the realm with this so the people accepted them.

The darker magical forces...
Over the millennia, the dark magical forces launched many attacks on the fairy forces.  While the latter always defeated these attacks, eventually at least, there were enormous casualties on all sides.  This has led to a hardening of royal attitudes towards the Witch.  Nobody wants to see history repeating itself.  Fairy Kingdom history has been far too interesting, and as a result harmful, for anyone with sense to see any of that happening again.  But there is a fly in the ointment, someone who doesn’t take the official line at face value, who questions things and who is too powerful to get rid of - Eileen!

THUNDERROCK, TROLL REPRESENTATIVE ON COUNCIL -  Brian Blessed!
Needs someone huge with equally huge personality.  Thunderrock, with Nimble, gets set up later by Witch/Brankaresh to take the rap for Witch’s breakout from jail but Queen suspects an attempt at framing the pair and doesn’t act as the evil pair expected.  Thunderrock is taken in totally by Brankaresh so  his treachery later comes as a real blow.  Having said that troll survives the overthrow and restoration of the Queen and continues to represent the trolls.  Is more literate and intelligent than most of his kind.


NIMBLE, GOBLIN REPRESENTATIVE ON COUNCIL -  Joe Armstrong
Needs someone slightly built but athletic enough to run well (JA did this brilliantly in Robin Hood!).  Nimble respects L’Evallier a lot.  Acts as messenger, as most goblins do.  Is not overawed by the Kingdom’s most famous goblin, Roherum, the FNN broadcaster.  But Nimble shares that in common with the rest of the realm.  Later goes on run with L’Evallier when Queen overthrown.  Both help restore villages damaged/destroyed by Witch, putting themselves at risk, given the crone is still in charge of the realm at the time.


D’DATHSON, ORC REPRESENTATIVE ON COUNCIL -  Alan Rickman
Needs someone who can act darkly but isn’t necessarily so.  It took the royals centuries to persuade factions like the orcs to work with the government instead of fighting it.  D’Dathson loathes Eileen (and she him) as she had to kill a rogue orc, who hadn’t accepted the settlement between the orcs and the realm, but he is honourable, isn’t afraid to question the Queen (and indeed finds her attractive, most orcs would not admit to finding anyone other than their own kind desirable).  Is usually the one to put awkward questions at Council meetings, the type that even L’Evallier wishes aren’t asked.

DEREK PAIGE - Pierce Brosnan with Alan Titchmarsh! (latter for gardening skills!)
For a woman who gives up royal status, power, influence etc and to do so for a mere human man, that man  must be someone special.  Someone who knows what to do with his fingers and not just in the garden either!  Derek is tall, dark, handsome, a fanatical gardener, devoted to his wife and family, humane, compassionate and shows the good side of humanity.  It frustrates Eileen her old world won’t see that and reject him on the grounds of his species.  Problems erupt when Derek’s enabled to find out who Eileen really is.  He’s devastated by this.  Eileen’s devastated by having to use mind wipes on the man she loves, and that increases when he becomes ill as a result, the first warning sign that charm has been used too often.  Derek is a great father to Jenny, loves being a granddad to Eddie and gets on very well with Paul, much to his wife’s disgust. 


MELANBURY, L’EVALLIER’S WIFE - Joely Richardson
Gorgeous, aristocratic, surprised to find herself genuinely falling for her husband and later enjoying sex (her parents never mentioned much about it and the start of her marriage was disastrous as a result.  It was apparent Melanbury seemed to be afraid of being in the same room as L’Evallier, this situation thankfully for both of them changed).  Is prejudiced against hybrids and humans.  Tends to back the Queen but comes to realize Jenny does have her virtues and the monarch is going too far in wanting to force the girl into the Kingdom (though of course if Melanbury had her way no hybrid would go anywhere near the realm, ever).   She and L’Evallier become a real team. And despite her parents’ disapproval of working women, Melanbury becomes the Queen’s correspondence secretary.  Melanbury’s life takes off from this point - she discovers she wants to be useful.

HANASTREW -   Emma Watson
Earnest, devoted to duty, hero worshipper (in this case, Eileen), brave, learns to be inventive with magic when Eileen is no longer around to consult, relatively young.  Royalist though comes to realize the Queen is not above criticism.  Can stand up to both Eileen and Queen.  Is not easily fooled.  Is incorruptible too.  Inspirational leader to the squad.  Leads from the front.  Almost killed by Witch though to be fair Hanastrew nearly killed the crone first.


FRESDIAN LATER CHANGES NAME TO ROSE -  Caroline Quentin
Conniving fairy godmother who hides her true skills behind a mask of being an eccentric fanatic of all fauna and flora around the universes because she’s seen how the royals have made use of Eileen, continually endangering her, and Fresdian wants none of that herself.  Becomes desperate to have a child of her own.  This is a fairy-related illness when fairies get to a certain age and haven’t been married off.  Is prevented from stealing an earth child.  Sent to earth to make a new life there with the fighting sprites, Stanrock and Whespy.  This is very much a case of the Queen getting three troublemakers out of her way.  Fresdian is knowledgeable, tart, not easily fooled and passes on her blood-inherited gifts to Jennifer, partly to annoy Eileen, partly to trigger Jennifer’s own inherited magic, and partly because Fresdian can be bloody minded.  Fresdian does the unthinkable by dying on earth the human way instead of returning to the Kingdom for that.


STANROCK, LATER SHORTENED TO STAN -  Rupert Grint
A pain, a fighter, continually taunts Wes yet develops magical skills and becomes loyal magical companion to Jenny (whether she wants it or not, and she doesn’t).  Gets cursed by Witch and briefly transformed into a squirrel.  Later when Wes matures and pursues Isabel, Stan left feeling adrift.  His anchor in life, the one he could irritate beyond endurance, has grown up and moved on.  Stan hasn’t.  Early life blighted - his kind expel him from his village, which is unusual.  Imps have a high impudence threshold and for Stan to get thrown out is an achievement.  Later Stan comes to see Queen’s faults, something he once would not have dared even contemplate.  With his record he’s the last to complain about others…


WHESPY, LATER SHORTENED TO WES -  Neil Morrissey •Like Stan, a pain, a fighter and he continually taunts Stan.  Both cause so much trouble they get exiled to earth with Fresdian.  Later Wes falls heavily for the lovely Isabel, daughter of a noble Earl, much to the anger of her family.  He lets her go and tries to be honourable here but eventually the pair are reconciled and make the Kingdom’s oddest couple. Eileen doesn’t count as she’s not Kingdom resident.  Wes and Stan stand up to Witch, Eileen and Queen at differing points.  Wes’s early life tragic - family and village destroyed by Witch.  Wes’s mother insisted on giving birth to him the natural “human” way instead of using the usual magical aids and charms.  That led to a major magical occurrence in the Kingdom, their version of an earthquake, tsunami and volcano all combined.  Wes believes his renowned bad luck record stems from this.  Sadly, the Kingdom believes it too.

BRANKARESH, CHIEF WIZARD -  Alan Cummings
Needs someone who can play slimy convincingly.  Saw Cummings in a James Bond and was riveted.  Brankaresh is clever, ambitious, sly and a useful man to have on board as far as the Queen’s concerned.  The big problem is he really doesn’t believe women can rule alone and wants to become her consort and get access to all those lovely powers only the fairy royals have.  He knows how to play the game.  Does not like the Queen developing her own mind, greater skills in carrying out her role on her own and loathes Eileen who he knows sees right through him.  He also knows how to play the Council and has most of them in his pocket.  Knows he can’t bribe L’Evallier or Rodish though and has earmarked them for murder later...


L'EVALLIER, CHIEF ELF - Daniel Craig
Need someone who can play “posh”, be courageous, argue with their boss despite knowing it could mean they’re turned into a statue, loves his wife but is so conscious of his position he is embarrassed by that until he finally discovers the joy of sex.  He’s thorough with his job, is known to be honourable yet when it comes to magical ability can take on the Chief Wizard and survive, no mean achievement.  Has fantastic knowledge of the Kingdom.  Is a walking library when it comes to what the fairy royals can and cannot do.  Is a pain in the neck to the Queen but she knows she needs him.  In some senses he is her conscience.


RODISH, CHIEF DWARF, COUNCIL LEADER, KILLED BY WITCH - Nicholas Lyndhurst
Needs someone who can manipulate L’Evallier (not many can), who has a sound knowledge of the Kingdom, is phenomenally brave but unlike the Chief Elf is not that happy questioning his superiors (despite accepting the Queen ought to be pushed into marriage to secure the succession.  Nobody wants Eileen recalled to take the throne).   As a result the poor dwarf does end up being kiilled by the Witch, this situation set up by Brankaresh.  Rodish inspires loyalty amongst all dwarves, his death is a huge loss to them, and he can fight brilliantly, which ironically leads to his killing as Brankaresh and Witch know Rodish has got to be removed if they are to get on with their plot to overthrow the Queen.  Is good to his constituents.  Is honest. 

Eileen Paige
Someone like Maureen Lipman as she’s the right age, can play a crone convincingly yet also come across as a caring mum.  And Eileen is a caring mum despite Jennifer’s anger at her for dumping the girl right in it.  Eileen has to be played by someone you can envisage doing something crazy to others but sensible to her at any minute.

Chief Witch
Probably someone like Sheila Hancock (though I’m conscious she played Granny Weatherwax in the radio adaptation of Wyrd Sisters so probably wouldn’t want to be typecast!).  Sian Philips would also be good for this role.  The Witch is spirited, intelligent, not easily fooled and Eileen is her equal so you want both of these characters acted out by older actresses who know and love playing older characters.

The Fairy Queen
Probably someone like Sophia Myles.  Must be younger than actress for Eileen and Witch.  Must be beautiful.  Must be capable of keeping their feelings to themselves, to be cool and remote, yet rant and rage when the need arises.  Whether this is flattering to Ms. Myles is a different matter but I liked her in Thunderbirds as Lady Penelope ( folk were harsh on that film) and also as Madame de Pompadour in Doctor Who.

Jenny (Jennifer) Paige, later Williams
Needs someone who can stand up to Eileen, be feisty, show courage and adapt to the odd circumstances she’s been dropped in so my nominee here would be Karen Gillan.  She’s had experience of all of this as Amy Pond in Doctor Who!  Jenny will also learn how to use magic to her advantage and disconcert her mother with it.

The Advantage of Pragmatic Behaviour
Live your life in such a way you don’t go out of your way to offend.  That in itself increases your chances of survival significantly.  Being useful to those in government is also a good way to survive.  Make sure you take magical self defence classes too.  Don’t cross Eileen.  Her sense of justice is to turn people into toads, let them keep their minds so they know what’s happened to them, and then dump them in the middle of a heron colony.  Nice!  And she is far more liberal than her ancestors ever were. 

Knowing Where You Are
Know where you’re going.  Never travel alone.  Always have your “ticket” on you.  All good stuff for travelling on the Underground back home and absolutely vital here.  On coming across tourist landmark do follow the route shown (unless you have reason to suspect the route has been tampered with in which case a powerful spell should get you of trouble.

Food and Drink
Be wary of the local water as it is not unknown for it to be tampered with.  A quick spell will reveal whether the most popular poisons are involved or if the water really is as clear as it looks.  Always check out that any food offered to you really is food and not a disguised curse.  Learn to cook Kingdom foods so you know what’s correct and what isn’t.  Learn to look for clues magic may have been used in the presence of the food you’re about to eat (magic leaves dust trails).  If you find any such clues, don’t eat what you’ve been offered (it usually pays to pretend you’re not feeling well at this point!). 

Route Planning
When travelling, plan your routes out well in advance.  It pays to avoid the annual battles between certain villages (only allowed to continue by the Queen as long as there are no deaths and she had to fight hard to get that, these battles are like our re-enactment battles) and castles and dungeons lived in by witches and wizards (they’re usually hospitable funnily enough but that’s because they always need spell ingredients, the trick here is leaving their establishments).  If you can get FNN to film  your “epic” journey, even better as everyone likes to see themselves on fairy-vision and you’re less likely to be harmed.

Being Humble
Never, ever brag about your magical abilities.  There’s always someone out there who (a) can out brag you by a considerable margin and (b) seek to recruit you into the Queen’s service so unless you want a life full of action, fear, sheer terror I’d keep quiet.

Discretion
If you are a long lost heir, keep it quiet unless you’ve got significant amount of magical and other back-up (that is you are King Arthur and you do have Merlin with you) or you’ll be in for an eventful, exciting visit (otherwise known as life threatening!).

Finding the Ideal Home
Research where you’re going to live before you actually do so.  It will save you a huge amount of grief, possibly your life.  Once this research is done, then settle down and fit in.  Don’t try to turn the village or settlement around with your fancy ideas from whatever world you’re from.  It’s the quickest way to cause resentment (and riots) imaginable.

Discretion - again!
If you have a past, particularly a magical one of any kind, keep it quiet.  If you’re especially beautiful (and this doesn’t just apply to the girls), be modest with it otherwise you’ll invite more trouble than it’s worth and you will be suspected of getting such good looks thanks to resorting to a dodgy spell book and even dodgier ingredients rather than having this naturally.  You’ll be amazed at how much resentment that creates.

Magical Weather
Be prepared for all weathers and for magically induced storms of the worst kind.  Don’t think that sudden heavy snowfall that hit Gandalf and the Fellowship appeared out of nowhere.  Always have portable food and hot drinks on you and plenty of them.  Always have a reliable map (not the magical ones that are known to shift their boundaries depending on who’s reading them).  Oh and being able to fight well with some sort of magical instrument is a good idea too.

Do Your Research
Always find out who runs a place before you visit it yet alone consider it as a place of sanctuary if the Ringwraiths are after you.  Look out for those in debt, those with known weaknesses, those of dodgy character as these are the ones who will betray.  Make friends, not enemies.

Provisions
Make sure you know where your food and drink comes from.  Ideally take enough of your own to see you through.  Always have the latest edition of the  map on your person.  Never leave it in a rucksack.  These things have a nasty habit of going missing – and sometimes the person carrying the rucksack does too.

Staying Alive!
Always look behind you!  Always look in front of you – and don’t forget to look to right and left and up and down as well as enemies in the magical world can and will attack you from all directions.  If you’re prepared for strange creatures to “have a go” you’re less likely to be attacked by them.  Nobody likes a surprise ruined.  If you’ve got to do it, be quick on the draw.  Very quick.  Have your spells to hand and be able to recite them clearly yet at speed.  When things go horribly wrong in this realm, there isn’t much time to put defensive measures in play.  Ideally go around the Kingdom with a well trained, powerful magical companion.  Let them take the flack!

Community Relations
Don’t try to be clever and set dwarves off against trolls and vice versa.  Both groups have wised up to this and now tear the heads off anyone trying that.  Indeed on one notable occasion the dwarves hanging out the decapitated head of an offender made the trolls stop their latest war with their old enemy.  The belief “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” is very much adhered to here.  The Kingdom is divided into 7 regions, each of which has a dominant group.  So if you really can’t get on with witches for example, it is easy enough to avoid their most populous locations.   Okay studying the map won’t help you avoid all difficulties (or lone witches with a grudge say) but you can at least increase the odds in your favour.

Not Putting Your Feet Right In It
If you are a powerful magical being, make sure you join the “right” side.  The Queen and her Council will expect you to align yourself with them (we’re all against evil, aren’t we would be the argument here).  The Chief Witch would expect those of a more malignant nature to join her (while accepting she is the boss).  What both sides will hate is you being independent.  They’ll both hunt you down as they’d see such independence as a threat.

Road Safety
Make sure you know the rules of the road – the ones you can see, the ones that appear every other Wednesday, the ones that lead up to remote mountain paths and orc country.  Make sure you know the flight paths and those likely to use them.  It’s helpful to know who to duck!

Mysterious Objects and Police Boxes Left Lying About
Always be wary of old swords, strangely golden rings with funny writing on them and anything that looks as if it might belong to an evil wizard of long lost king.  You don’t want to get involved with any of that nonsense. It always means certain death for someone.  The clever bit is ensuring that someone is not you.  Also if you come across a police box where you wouldn’t expect to find one, give that a wide berth too unless you want your life turned upside down and threatened on a weekly basis.

How To Make Yourself Welcome Wherever You Go in the Magical World
Make yourself useful in whichever village you end up in as nobody wants to get rid of beings like that.  The person who puts the rubbish out is less likely to be a target for killing than members of Her Majesty’s Council.  Humility, a good manner and hard work go a long way here.  They extend life expectancy too.

Spells
Always have a decent spell book on you (appropriate for your species of course as a sprite carrying a witch book can expect a nasty and sudden death if a real witch catches him doing so) and have emergency spells stored in your memory and wand so you can use them quickly.  Speed is vital here.  As in Earth’s Wild West you do have to be quick on the draw.

Magical Maps
When you come across a map that says “Here Be Dragons”, take it seriously.  Kingdom cartographers do not write these things on their wares without good cause.  And if you can carry a portable fire extinguisher with you when out on your travels, just in case, this is always a good idea.  If you want to be a Kingdom cartographer, make sure you’re a powerful wizard, witch or fairy godmother first as you will need magical powers to (a) get through the wildernesses and (b) survive what lives in said wildernesses.  Ensure you have fire proof, water proof, bomb proof drawing materials and pens as it is tough out there.  Don’t trespass on marked property.  Intruders aren’t welcome!

Explorers
Explorers don’t tend to get a warm welcome here as they are considered an upmarket form of a nosey parker.  So if you are an alien who likes visiting other worlds, keep it quiet.  Blend in for a while, then disappear later.  You’re more likely to get out alive if you do that.  If someone doesn’t kill you directly, that same someone will find another magical being who will do the job for them.

Evil Sods and Dodgy Invitations
There will always be evil sods about – the witches and wizards seem particularly prone to these – so expect the worst, make sure your wand or other magical equipment is always kept fully charged and turn down any unexpected invitations from beautiful strangers.  Those invitations lead to (a) trouble and (b) death.  Face it.  Why would these beautiful strangers want anything to do with you?  Really!  (And if you are good looking yourself, be even more careful.  Make sure you know the person you’re dating, really know who they are and what their background is).

Conveniently "found" objects
Never pick up an egg that “happens to be lying around”.  It’s bound to be a dragon egg.  If you come across a sweet little creature that’s green and vaguely reptile like, it is a dragon.  Either kill it now or notify the relevant authorities so they can do it.

Magical Worlds
If you’re a magical being, be the best you can be.  If you’re not, avoid the place.  Don’t assume there are no magical worlds as it will be your luck to discuss this topic with someone who not only knows there is at least one but who is highly proficient at their magical craft and won’t think twice about trying it out on you.

Status in Life
If you’re a “peasant”, get on with your life quietly.  If you’re a powerful magical being expect trouble (especially from those who envy your skills).  Oh and don’t be too clever but that’s a good tip for whatever world you happen to find yourself visiting, stranded on, dumped on etc etc.

Background to Magical Worlds
Always study the realm’s history, population make up and geography so you have some idea of who or what might come at you from where and why!  It is also a fascinating read anyway.

Public Relations
Never annoy anyone more powerful than you.  Assume everybody is more powerful than you!  The Kingdom loathes show-offs so good manners, being humble and not causing trouble are all good things to adopt.

Being What You Claim to Be
Don’t dress up pretending to be a witch, fairy godmother and so on as it will only antagonize the real witches, fairy godmothers and so on.  Fancy dress is something the Kingdom finds strange.  The magical groups prefer people to be what they are and dress accordingly.

Authorities
Find out who the authorities are and keep your head down.  Locally, find out as quickly as possible who runs the village (someone always does) and live a quiet life.  Alternatively make your magical powers so magnificent it is you who runs the village and nobody argues with you. (Not a long life guarantee that one as someone always covets power and position).

The Rough Guide to Fantasyland by Diana Wynne Jones
Study and take in any information from the  wonderful Rough Guide to Fantasyland so thoughtfully provided by the late Diana Wynne Jones.  It applies to all fantasy worlds. 

Lending Out Equipment
Never lend out any of your magical equipment, spell books and so on as it is a racing certainty that (a) you won’t get these things back and (b) you’ll inevitably lend them out to the “wrong” people. “Wrong” as in totally evil beings who merely wish to disarm you the easy way.

What to Do With Strange Objects
If you find an object lying around – say a sword in a block of marble – don’t touch it.  It’s almost certainly meant for somebody else.  Unless you really are Arthur Pendragon and let’s face it the odds are against that scenario.  Also look out for those who leave objects around. They are either careless or setting a trap and you don’t want to get caught out by either of those scenarios, do you?


Is Sanctuary All That It's Cracked Up to Be?
Always find out who runs a place before you visit it yet alone consider it as a place of sanctuary if the Ringwraiths are after you.  Look out for those in debt, those with known weaknesses and those of dodgy character as these are the ones who will betray.  Make friends, not enemies.


Origins of Food and Drink
Make sure you know where your food and drink comes from.  Ideally take enough of your own to see you through.  Always have the latest edition of the  map on your person.  Never leave it in a rucksack.  These things have a nasty habit of going missing – and sometimes the person carrying the rucksack does too.


Relationships with Other Magical Groups
Don’t cross the Fairy Queen, don’t cross the wizards, don’t cross the witches, don’t cross the fairies – that way you can at least avoid being cursed in various imaginative ways!  The only cursing to do is your own!


Respect
Treat the elderly with respect – you never know who they’ll turn out to be.  Treat stepdaughters well – if things work out for them later, they may well remember you.  See it as the Buttons Principle!


Being Observant
Always look behind you!  Always look in front of you – and don’t forget to look to right and left and up and down as well as enemies in the magical world can and will attack you from all directions.  If you’re prepared for strange creatures to “have a go” you’re less likely to be attacked by them.  Nobody likes a surprise ruined.


Ensuring  You Use Magic  You Can Actually Handle
Don’t meddle with forces that are beyond you.  This particularly applies to lazy apprentices who want to take a short cut with the cleaning.  If you come across strange objects (sword in stone, crystal ball apparently abandoned and so on), leave well alone.  These things are the source of much trouble.  Do you really want that?


Interfering
Unless you want an early death or are Eileen, do not poke your wand or other magical implement into anywhere it is likely such interference might lead to a break out of war.  If you are Eileen, the usual rules don’t apply.  If the former applies, you need help fast!  Incidentally many a magical death has occurred because wizards in particular suspect anyone poking their nose in of trying to steal their powers.  The only way to convince them otherwise is not to meddle.

What Every Dragon Tackler Needs to Know
Never forget your fire proof clothing before going out to tackle dragons.  Get them before they get you!  (Access to a fire extinguisher is always a good idea).

Knowing the Rules
Make sure you know what the rules are so you don’t unwittingly break them and fall foul of some curse dating back centuries, which will inevitably involve the imaginative removal of your entrails.  (In the magical realm, you never get given a caution or a fine).

Strangers in Town
Be wary of strangers coming into your village as they’re either a secret king, a powerful witch or wizard in disguise or a lad who has the hounds of hell after him and you really don’t want to get in the way!

New Discoveries
When someone claims to have invented a new spell, make sure they test it themselves, ideally on themselves.  Never volunteer and always ignore those who claim that volunteering for this is your civic duty.  Let them do it!

Preparing for War
When the government announces every able bodied magical being is to practice their skills regularly and in front of them for “assessment”, be sure there’s a war in the offing.  When FNN are becoming more wary in what they report, be sure there’s a war in the offing.  (Possibly a royal scandal but war is more likely).

Heroes and Heroines
Heroes and heroines come in all shapes and sizes so make it a general rule never to despise anyone or to ill-treat them in any way.  Fairy tales have a nasty habit of paying people back in spades and then some. If you’re the youngest of three siblings, be prepared for greatness!  You will inevitably be the hero.  If you’re a stepdaughter who views with concern her father’s remarriage (and with good reason), hang on in there, your fairy godmother will be along any moment.  And it makes great good sense for nobody in the magical world to ill-treat either of these types given there is a great sense of retribution in the fantasy world.  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Appearances Can Be Deceptive
Beware of innocent looking creatures you happen to find “lying around”.  They’re almost certainly not what they seem and could be waiting for some innocent idiot to underestimate them so they can feed on the unsuspecting!  Never have your wand or other magical equipment out of reach.

Sport
Jenny loathes all sport bar tennis and swimming.  Eileen, while she doesn’t watch or take part, feels sport is a good thing as it keeps humanity out of mischief.  Well she did hold that view until she discovered what football hooligans were. Jenny had to stop her mother turning them all into toads.  Humanity may never know how wrong Jenny was here! There are some sports played and watched in the magical world but not with the enthusiasm shown by humans.


Heaven
Jenny is a Christian (her mother’s tale gives her real dilemmas here too.  What is Jenny supposed to do with her unexpected powers?) so believes in the Christian view of paradise.  Eileen is broadly sympathetic (though wonders whether it’s different for awkward fairy godmothers.  She takes some solace from the thought God looks on the heart - even when fighting dragons Eileen has, in her way, always meant well).  Eileen hopes to go to heaven eventually but is in no hurry to depart this life.


Graciousness
Something Eileen knows she lacks and her cousin does have.  Though Eileen also believes the Queen uses this asset too much to get her own way.  There is more than a hint of jealousy here.  Eileen has, again in an act of rebellion, decided to base her main traits on what you see is what you get.  She has a lot of sympathy with Cromwell’s idea of a warts and all portrait.


Art
Any form of creativity that brightens the world, whatever world you’re on.  The realm recognizes those art forms that focus on the more negative aspects of life.  The realm’s view here is that those art forms bring the positive into focus.  The realm can see the point of The Scream but see the point of The Haywain much more.


Fiction
Something incomprehensible to most magical beings here.  They prefer dealing in facts.  Their fairy stories are accurate records.  They don’t understand why humans want to make things up for fun.  There is a significant part of the Kingdom population who see this as deceitful.


Computers
The Kingdom is wary of these too.  PCs make it too easy to pry into others’ lives and Eileen feels humans pour their affection into their machines rather than their fellow humans.  The Kingdom is usually wary of any human invention until they realise it could be useful and they adapt it as their own.  The realm sees this as creative copying!


Music
A wonderful thing regardless of world or species.  One of the few things the Queen, Eileen, Jenny and even the Witch agree on though Eileen and Jenny’s musical tastes do differ.  Jenny made sure of that.  She doesn’t want too many comparisons to her mother.


Photography
Eileen admires this as an art form and Jenny happily snaps away with her digital camera, having a real love for the Scottish landscape when she, Paul and Eddie holiday there. Eileen does visit photography exhibitions every now and then.  The Fairy Queen does not approve.  She finds it hard to believe humans have come up with a wonderful invention like this all by themselves and believes there is magic behind it somewhere. 

Conservation
The Kingdom is amazed any of this takes place on Earth. It doesn’t help them sustain their prejudice that every human is a warmonger and polluter.  But things like the RSPB, RSPCA, WWF, the Forestry Commission and so on do challenge that view.  The realm has a special fondness for anyone taking care of trees properly (including tree surgeons, yes the Kingdom has its own) given so many of them form part of the transport system in the magical world.  And everyone in the Kingdom has to do their bit to take care of their immediate environment - on pain of a royally inflicted painful death.  As the Queen says, it is in everyone's interests for the Kingdom to survive physically so they should all better get on and care for it properly.

Wildlife Programmes
Many in the Kingdom tune in via crystal ball to watch our wildlife programmes as practically everyone in the realm appreciates the need to care for the natural world.  Even the evil witches and wizards do knowing full well they’ve got to get the ingredients for their curses from somewhere and that somewhere must be sustainable.  Also Earth is so easy to get to... it is their equivalent of an away day.

The Lore
Fairy Kingdom stories, myths (they’re not considered the same) and the whole basis of the legal system.  If it’s happened in fiction, it can happen in daily life in the magical world.  Eileen treats the Lore warily as she knows many instances of when it’s been abused.  She thinks it desperately needs reform.

Parliament
Also known as the Ultimate Talking Shop.  Eileen sees this as a comment rather than a criticism given the Queen’s Council are no better.  L’Evallier has been known to be very longwinded when he has felt the need to be.   Eileen could see him right at home in the House of Commons.  The Chief Elf is quite right to believe this is no compliment.

Freedom
For Eileen this means freedom to do what she likes.  And even when the Queen tries to stop her, Eileen exercises her freedom to circumvent that.  Eileen is deeply suspicious of those in government.  She wants to see evidence they are working beyond their own interests.  This attitude does not go down well with the Queen.  If Eileen wasn’t royal, there’s a good chance she’d be in a cell for a while.

Fairness
Eileen automatically assumes this is one of her main virtues.  In fairness (!), she does recognize it in others, occasionally even in the Queen, more commonly in the Witch (the Queen senses this and is incensed at this but Eileen’s far too useful to her to remove or jail).  Eileen, however, is no fan of fair criticism especially when coming from her daughter.  It is so difficult to answer properly without Eileen lying her head off for one thing...  And Jennifer has her mother's talent for spotting lies.

Garage
A place to park your car, gardening equipment and so on according to Eileen.  She doesn’t understand the reference to “music”, nor does she comprehend why folk are addicted to the dodgy music.  She likes people to say what they mean. The one form of wordplay she will tolerate is limericks.

Rap
The best thing I can here is that Eileen fully agrees with the late Humphrey Littleton’s thoughts on this topic.  “It starts with a capital C.” Knows humans can do much better than this kind of “tune”. 

Rationality
Eileen treats this like fire - a good idea in principle but you wouldn’t want it dominating your life.  She also sees there is more than one way to look at something - the rational way and the creative way.  Naturally Eileen sees her way as the correct one.  Hypocrisy happens to other people in her view.

Climate Change
Eileen does believe in this for the good reason in her old world various areas were made barren thanks to too much magical fighting, leading to the land being physically changed and not for the better.  Eileen also feels give the harm man does to each other, there had to be an effect on the planet itself in the long run.

Literature
Any stories that don’t involve fairies as far as Jenny’s concerned.  Her views on fairytales have changed drastically since her mother’s unforeseen (literally!) revelation.  Eileen reads fairytales warily too but that’s only because she spots all the errors.

Compassion
A wonderful quality in very scarce supplies though in fairness Eileen thinks this is just as true of the Kingdom as it is of Earth.  Certainly Jenny feels her own supply has plummeted since her mother dropped her in it.  Especially towards Eileen funnily enough.

Regality
A quality Eileen recognizes in our Queen.  A quality Eileen thinks the Fairy Queen lacks, the latter being far too ruthless at times for her cousin’s liking.  Mind this is partially due to the fact Eileen knows the Fairy Queen is one of the few that could and has brought Eileen herself into line.

Hard Work
Eileen still believes she’s the only one who manages hard work in a way that is beneficial to her, helps her practice her magical skills, and rescues the innocent.  For her hard work is memorising skills, practising her skills and so on but Jenny doesn’t agree.  For her hard work is being up all night with a screaming baby. 

Jewellery
The Fairy Queen believes jewellery must have either gold or diamonds in it somewhere to be “proper”.  Gold has to be of the purest carat, diamonds to be huge and to catch and reflect the light beautifully. Eileen loves jewellery too though her items are more modest, certainly not in respect of her cousin, but because Eileen has a grave distrust of anything looking flash.  Flash = spiv in her books.

Cheating
In any magical contest cheating is expected but never condoned. Those caught out will be obliterated by one of the Queen’s specialist spells.  This is given as fair and proper warning.  The Queen does not expect any whinging over this (thought she would point out that anyone obliterated is going to have a hard time whinging about anything).  This law is devised on the SYR principle (Serve You Right) and there are no exceptions.  Remember that everybody will be looking out for cheats so it is best to assume you will be caught out by one of the Queen’s Council and/or Eileen.  If caught by the latter, you will never hear the end of it before you then face obliteration.  Indeed it’s quite likely you’ll be pleading for the end to come.  Eileen can go on at some length and does.

Group Leaders
All magical groups are expected to vote regularly on their leader.  Elections should be held every two years.  All voting is to be seen to be fair and free.  No magic will be allowed to be used in these elections. Any candidate using magic to aid their cause will be disqualified at once.  Given there are 22 differing magical species, the elections will be split equally so that 11 groups vote at a time.  FNN is not allowed to interfere in the elections though they can report the results.  Nobody in the Kingdom is going to be bored out of their skulls with endless political programming.  Other worlds would do well to take the same tack.

Best Magical Practice
All magical groups will follow best magical practice.  Guidelines will be issued regularly by the Queen and her Council.  Whilst the Queen and her Council expect the witches, wizards of an evil disposition and sprites to totally ignore this ruling, these groups should bear in mind that gives the fairy government the perfect excuse to take action against them.  The government would also point out that in the event of the Kingdom being attacked by outside forces yet again all species are expected to come to the realm’s defence on the basis of “better the devil you know”.  Those who wish to steal the Kingdom’s powers will take them from everybody.

Magic and Fireworks
The Queen and her Council will be notified a month in advance of any gatherings where there will be fireworks.  There have been too many instances in the past where fireworks displays have been used as a cover to hide some of the nastier spells being unleashed against the innocent.  Those organizing such gatherings will be vetted so if any witch thinks they can disguise themselves to get round this, think again as the Queen and her Council will put all the detect/reveal charms on any candidates and there are hundreds of such spells.  The same applies to wizards.  The Queen and her Council expect high standards for magically produced fireworks.  The Queen especially likes artistry and magic can be used to produce something special here.

Spell Ingredients
Regardless of what species you are, those of you that need ingredients for your spells will always use the best quality available and make sure they are responsibly sourced.  Shabby ingredients equals shabby results.  Kill all the sources of ingredients and you have a long term problem.  Those of an evil disposition will be aware that the Queen and her Council can have a good guess at what spells you will use given there are only so many magical ingredients available to anyone.  The Queen and her Council reserve the right to magical self defence.  Those of an evil disposition would be better off changing their opinion.

Updating Specialist Skills
Those in direct service to the Queen and her Council will keep their specialist skills up to date at all times.  They will prove their prowess with these skills at times to suit the Queen and her Council.  It is expected that time to practice these skills will be taken outside of any Council or other official duties due to be carried out by those affected by this ruling.  In other words, no skiving off to get your practice in!  If the Queen and her Council feel more practice sessions are needed, this will be accepted without argument but you can be assured they will not ask for these without due cause.  They are not in the business of winding people up.  That gets left to the sprites.

Magical Creatures
Magical creatures are not to be harmed.  They each come with their own curse and the Queen has no wish to spend the rest of her reign trying to restore those foolish folk who ignored this advice (well those where there’s enough left to attempt to restore them anyway).  Those of an evil disposition who use these creatures for their foul purposes are unlikely to read these rules yet alone obey them.  They deserve everything they’ve got coming.  The Queen and her Council hope they get a decent ringside seat to watch poetic justice being handed out.  The Queen is always keen to pick up hints on how to improve her own magical skills.  Incidentally the one exception to this rule is the dragon but even then it clearly has to be a threat to the magical world first.  Most dragons keep well away from anything that might threaten them, Eileen especially.

Being Quick On the Draw
The humans have a phrase “survival of the fittest”.  Not only is that true in the magical realm, it is equally valid to say the fastest will survive.  So therefore all magical beings in the direct service of the Queen and her Council will practice firing spells at targets, drawing wands (or staffs) at speed and be ready at any time to demonstrate that practice has been carried out.  The Queen and her Council are experienced enough to be able to tell when “revision” of this nature has been carried out.  Also all magical beings will be responsible to their species’ leader and be able to demonstate regular practice is being carried out to them too.

Notice Requirements
Every magical group must give notice of when it will be holding practice sessions.  This is particularly important in the case of the sprites.  It is only fair on the rest of the Fairy Kingdom that proper notice is given so people can make arrangements to get well out of the way.  Any group not giving proper notice will be punished by being put in the direct line of the sprites’ next magical practice session.  If the sprites are guilty they will be fed head first to the nearest passing dragon.  The Queen and her Council consider these to be reasonable deterrents.  Magic must be practiced.  It must be done sensibly and safely.

Chief Wizard Responsibilities
The Chief Wizard, appointed by the Queen and approved by the Council, must oversee that magic produced by his brothers.  We cannot possibly want over-ambitious wizards getting above themselves again, do we?  Oh dearie me no.  Should a potentially too dangerous spell escape the Chief Wizard’s scrutiny, he’ll be executed as will the owner of the originally performed spell.  There is no place to hide.  You will be caught out.  Folk who inform on crimes like this will be very well protected and rewarded.  The Queen likes to encourage virtue.  The Kingdom is short of it at times.

Head of Species Responsibilities
Each head of species is expected to control the behaviour of the rest of their ilk.  It is noted that the sprites do not have leaders as they never agree on one.  This means it is fair game for every other magical species to discipline sprites on behalf of the rest of the realm.  Sprites will not whinge about this.  Nobody will take any notice.  If sprites want to change this situation, they must improve their own behaviour.  Each head of species will give a detailed annual account of their species’ activities to the Queen and her Council.  Royal visits are to be encouraged to boost morale.

Relationship to/with Sprites
The major magical species will not under any circumstances decide to “take out” the sprites just because they are powerful enough to do it.  That is seldom a good enough reason to do anything and the sprites do have a right to exist.  Though they would do well to note their existence would be smoother and longer were they not to fight so much.  They would also be well advised not to try to provoke the other species.  Whilst the Queen and her Council are banning the “taking out” of sprites, they are not outlawing various species’ rights to take “defensive” action against neighbouring sprites being a complete pain in the posterior.  The Queen and her Council note that some of these “defensive” actions are likely to hurt.

Servicing Magical Equipment
You will service all magical equipment at least once a week.  This includes keeping your spell books in tip top condition.  In this modern age there is no excuse for getting candlewax on your precious manuscripts.  Use a torch!

In house competitions
Each species group will have its own in house competitions so it can practice its skills and “let off steam” in a way that must be harmless to all in the vicinity including the environment.  The Queen and her Council take a very dim view on anyone harming the environment.  Though sprites are welcome to blast each other to the next world should they insist and make sure they don’t take anyone else out with them.

Sprite Removal
Those superior species capable of taking the sprites out in one go should be aware they will be watched by the Queen and her Council.  It should be stressed this will not be for tips as to how such a removal task should be undertaken.  Even though the Queen and her Council gladly acknowledge what pests the sprites can be, it should be stressed that everyone including the sprites has a right to live and that right will be upheld.  Those capable of the greatest magic, and therefore the greatest magical crimes, will be held to a tougher accounting of themselves than the lower ranks.  You cannot say you were not warned.

Royal Etiquette
Nobody will ever try to out-perform the Queen magically.  Not only will you fail, it is extremely bad manners and the last one who tried it, Brankaresh, was executed by Eileen.

Restricted Section in the Library
The Restricted Section in the Library has always been and always will be totally out of bounds to all sprites as you simply cannot be trusted with the information contained here.  Over ambitious wizards should be aware that if they use this section too often questions will be asked and answers obtained (if necessary by force).

Never draw a wand or other magical implement on the Fairy Queen and/or her government.  They’re quicker on the draw than you think.

Never curse the Fairy Queen and/or her government because they will return it with bells on.  They believe in paying back with (compound) interest.

You will not raid the Queen’s private magical library. 
The Librarian has been known to date-stamp, with some brutality, areas of invaders generally considered to be personal so unless you like that kind of thing, think again.

You will read other planets’ version of our fairy tales as well as our direct versions. 
There is truth in all fairy tales

You will use magical equipment for the purpose for which it was intended, unless there is a desperate battle against all things evil going on. 
In that circumstance only can you use crystal balls in particular as offensive weapons to be dropped on heads etc.

You will enscribe your spells in the proper manner with all ingredients listed, easily and renewably sourced, and with the method thoroughly explained. 
You will not make your spell sound like a recipe.  You will use plenty of Latin to give your spell the proper gravitas.  We are performing magic here, people.  We will take it seriously.

You will practice the specific magical talent granted to your particular species on a day and time laid down by your group’s leaders. 
Twice a year the magical groups will hold a gathering where the Queen and her Council can see that this practice is clearly being carried out.

You will not use magic for fighting unless the Kingdom is at war. 
If there are disputes between groups, these should be resolved by discussion overseen by the Queen and her Council.  Nobody wants a return to the land being made barren by having too much magic thrown at it, do they?

Do not inflict magic upon others unless you are prepared for them or their kind to do the same or worse to you. 
And they will.

Do not betray the existence of the Fairy Kingdom.  
You know what humans are like for colonizing other places.  We do not want that to happen here.  They will only try to harnass magical power for their own uses.  And that scene would end in tears.

You will revise your specialist magic at least once a day. 
Never forget!  Your life will depend on how thorough you are with this.

Always buy your magical equipment from a reliable source. 
You don’t want your wand to go kaput half way through a spell trying to protect yourself from the local marauding dragon.

Free "Gifts"
If an old lady appears from nowhere and offers you fruit, a helpful spell or a map, it’s time to leg it as these “gifts” will get you poisoned, cursed or sent on a quest where certain death awaits you.

Showing Off
Never show off your magical skills unless you are absolutely certain of the identity of the person you intend to boast to as imposture is a common enough occurrence here.  If you decide this tip is wrong, on your head be it, literally.

Knowing Who Not to Offend
Make sure you know who the most powerful beings are in any magical world before you sound your mouth off about the dreadful way in which the place is run.  Those in charge tend to be sensitive little flowers when it comes to criticism and dole out punishment that is anything but sensitive!

Witches
In the Fairy Kingdom witches are also known As Nothing But Trouble.  Well there is a whole wealth of material on which the Fairy Kingdom can justify that statement. Naturally the witches claim that material is biased, written by the winners of various disputes and cannot be trusted.  Most take the view that some witches are okay, some are just evil including the Chief Witch and none of them should be in any position of power.

Fairies
In the Fairy Kingdom fairies are also known As The Good Guys.  Similar sentiments apply as for witches though they insist these definitions should be the other way round.   The witches also point out everyone knows who writes the fairy tales (or arranges for them to be written) so it is hardly surprising witches do not get a good press.   Also even if witches (or at least some of them) were declared "okay" officially, fairies are not going to be willing to give up the power and influence they have.

Wizards
In the Fairy Kingdom wizards are also known As Those Who Shouldn’t Be Trusted though that definition came into regular use after Brankaresh’s defection and execution.

Dwarves
In the Fairy Kingdom dwarves are also known As the Grubbiest Species in the Kingdom given their passion for mining.  It is never said in a dwarf’s presence however.  People like living.

Stories and Writing
Stories are the source of all knowledge as far as the Kingdom is concerned.  They salute the Brothers Grimm and Andersen.  To tamper with a story is a criminal offence in this world.  Writers in the realm come from all backgrounds though every story sent in written by a sprite is checked carefully.

Radio
In the Kingdom they developed “fairy-vision” first then radio.  Radio at the start of The Trouble With Mother is in its infancy and Roherum despises it, not seeing the attraction of an art form with no pictures. Luckily the Queen can see its usage so it’s not going to be damaged by Roherum’s rude remarks about it.  No radio stars have yet emerged.

Time
Time is something that everybody wastes, regardless of what world you’re on.  Time on Earth goes faster than in the magical realm.  The magical species live roughly five times as long as we do bar illness or magical accident (the latter usually dragon induced).

Hustling
What everybody in the Fairy Kingdom believes humans do all the time.  It goes on in their realm too, the sprites are especially guilty of this, but this is not commented on as much as human dodgy dealings.  It’s  more fun to criticize others.

Plumbing
In the Kingdom this is considered a magical art form in itself. They don’t have plumbers that charge outrageously (anybody doing that would be transformed into something unpleasant and there is some pity humans cannot do this to those who con them).

Surgery
In the fairy world surgery is when a major spell is cast and involves a powerful magic wand.  On Earth of course it’s a medical procedure.  FNN have reported on this and shown pictures.  Almost everyone in the fairy world was disgusted.  They didn’t pick up on the fact the surgery was designed to save lives.  All they saw was the gore, the blood and the indignity of the hospital gowns…

Alternative Medicine
The fairy world considers these as interesting ideas though even they despite Feng Shui.  Aromatherapy is one of the Queen’s favourite hobbies.  Eileen has often accused her of wanting to smell like a garden (roses usually as opposed to the material they put on them to make them grow!).  The Kingdom is not surprised most humans are cynical.  That’s been a fact of life for millennia.

Each community in the realm organizes its own activities.  There are village halls in the larger settlements but the days when there are inter-species football tournaments, to give one example, are a long way off.  The elves would consider almost anything meaning one got sweaty and out of breath to be disgusting.  The sprites are brilliant at organizing their own fights and aggravating the realm. 

There is long term rivalry between pixies and imps no amount of kindly talk from the Queen or threats from the Council will remove. Sprite communities recognize having some of their leaders hauled in and punished from time to time is part of their culture, to the despair of the Queen who doesn’t really want to use brutal magical spells on them to make them behave despite knowing the realm would back her doing so.  Moaning in the Kingdom is an art form, much to the sprites’ disgust as it nearly always is all about them!

Stanrock and Whespy (later Stan and Wes) are the mischievous sprites’ sprites.  There are very few practical jokes they have not carried out  and for a long time this was the nearest they got to any kind of hobby.  They also spent  lot of time fighting - other sprites, anybody else annoying them and, most of all, each other.  Stan is a good cook and carries on with this when he’s on earth.  Wes develops courage and bravery but hasn’t really taken to any hobby.  If he can get his act together with Isabel, maybe that would be something she could encourage. 

Isabel would know better than to try to improve his mind (you have to work with the material you’ve got!) but I can see her encouraging him to read (even if it is graphic comics and novels, they would not count as proper literature in her eyes but she’d be too glad he read anything she’d overlook it - this is one view not shared by me.  Graphic novels, when well done, are great).  Both sprites might get into earth music when they’re there but they’d take to loud pop/rock.  They did develop a taste for wildlife programmes, encouraged by Fresdian (Rose).

The various Kingdom species organize meetings for their own kinds at least once a year though the authorities insist that these are spaced out so the realm doesn’t get a load of drunken dwarves running into the local troll clan meeting and riots erupt.  It is also expected the different groups police themselves effectively or the government will intervene.  Nobody wants that so this scheme works (which of course was the intention behind the idea). 

FNN wants to get involved with these group meetings, filming them for documentaries but each and every group has turned them down flat, partly as they don’t want to risk ridicule for some of their most peculiar customs (every group has at least one) and mainly they don’t feel Roherum will take the meetings seriously enough.  They’re almost certainly right to worry about that. 

Notice has to be given of when and where meetings take place so other groups in the vicinity can make sure they’re well out of the way. It makes for a quieter life….

Villages run themselves and resent interference by (a) other villages and (b) the Council.  There is rivalry when it comes to staging royal visits.  All villages want their visit to be the best yet.  In the height of the summer season, it has been known for the Queen to have trouble walking through a village thanks to the number of blooms on display.  It is as well as she’s not a hayfever sufferer! 

Most village folk are kind and hardworking but prejudices run deep (it has taken Wes continually risking his life to help the Queen to make the slightest dent in prejudices against him).  The royals have taken centuries to get the rival groups to stop fighting and live side by side in peace, even if they then have not much to do with each other.  Eileen has a great deal of time for village folk and along with Hanastrew these are the beings she misses the most from her Kingdom days.

Palace staff wear a uniform of black jacket with matching trousers or skirt, white shirt or blouse with big red buttons, red socks, stockings or tights and red shoes.  Smart appearance is compulsory at all times.

The Queen wears gowns and tiaras almost always and refers to this as  her working uniform.  Eileen prefers smart casual trousers and tops especially when flying.  This has caused some disapproval but the Kingdom generally can see Eileen does have a point here.  Tutus are no good to anybody when caught in a cross wind! 

Eileen can and did dress up during her time in the Palace, which, for ceremonial occasions, she doesn’t mind, being glad to play her part.  Where Eileen resents is when the Queen expects her cousin to “doll up” for private dinners and things like that.  Eileen has no problem with the Queen laying down the law, it is the monarch’s job, but to tell her own cousin how to dress is a role too far.  Eileen never looks scruffy.  She has far too much pride for that and, for Eileen, that should be enough to satisfy the Queen.

It isn't, of course, given there's so much in Eileen's behaviour and attitude the Queen feels she has cause to be very dissatisfied about.  The Queen herself always looks immaculate.  She feels she owes that to her public.  Choosing what to wear is one of the highlights of her day.  She loves her full length gowns.  She loves bright colours (though she probably isn't going to wear the yellow taffeta ballgown again after Eileen accused her of looking like a walking daffodil.  Absolutely nobody else would have dared make that criticism but it was only in the privacy of the royal bedroom when the Queen took a good hard look at herself in the mirror, she realised Eileen might have had a point).