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  • The Kingdom's Guide to Approaching Other Species
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  • What the Kingdom Would Like To See
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  • Appropriate Songs for My Characters
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  • Contact Form

ILLNESS IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

30/6/2015

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Illness in the Fairy Kingdom is relatively rare.  Get the wrong side of the Queen, Eileen, Hanastrew, the Chief Witch and/or Brankaresh and they won't curse you with a disease or anything like that.  They'll just kill you and have done with it.

There had been concern expressed by the Council what when visiting other worlds, Earth especially, Eileen could bring back human type viruses and illnesses but, to date, this has not happened. 

Youngsters in the Kingdom have a series of jabs against human diseases when still at school but there isn't anything available anywhere that would protect them from a curse spell.  They are also expected to use their common sense if they come across gingerbread houses covered in sweets.  Not only are they warned of the dangers of witches using this as a device to snare children (whom she intends to cook), but the perils of diabetes, obesity and tooth decay are also emphasized.  The result has been nobody goes near a gingerbread house (much to the annoyance of the witch who originally patented the idea).

Humans are despised by the magical world for its warlike qualities and our capacity for polluting anything.  Illnesses just stress how weak we are in the eyes of magical beings generally. 


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WRITING FOR PLEASURE IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

30/6/2015

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Writing for pleasure in the Fairy Kingdom is done mainly by school age children as part of their lessons.  They are encouraged to write their own fairytales.  The Fairy News Network broadcasts many of these (not because of the literary merit of the stories but because everyone likes to see their kids doing well at something like this).

Where fiction begins and non-fiction ends can be difficult to tell.  Many would say Roherum gave up trying decades ago, a charge he denies.  Both forms of writing are appreciated.  No one form is considered superior.

Books of fairy tales can be published by individuals and usually are.  The Queen's Council will, on instructions from the monarch, release older tales in collections so people's knowledge of the tales stays updated.


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HISTORICAL WRITING IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

29/6/2015

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Most historical writing in the Fairy Kingdom, as we understand the term, is actually what we see as the classic fairytales.

The Queen's Council, led by L'Evallier, keeps an official record or diary of its activities but there is no question of this ever being published.  Neither monarch nor Council members would stomach that.  It's a pity because the diaries are very frank though it would be inevitable if publication was an option, that frankness would go.  (The best reason for not publishing them is that Roherum on the Fairy News Network would almost certainly exaggerate them and there is a genuine feel this would add nothing to the cause of good journalism).

There is no 30, 50 or 100 year rules in the realm.  If something is not to be published, it is either destroyed or buried in the royal archives.  These go on for miles under the Palace and even with the best location spell at your disposal if the Queen and her Council don't want you finding something, you won't.

Eileen wrote her own version and thoughts on various Kingdom historical incidents.  These were published but only because of her royal status.  Her books are safely buried in the Palace Library.  Those who want to read them have to give their name to the stern Librarian and, surprise surprise, it puts people off.  The Queen is very good at subtle censorship.


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A GOOD WRITER...

25/6/2015

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This is based on observation and what I've learned over the years.  These are not in any particular order.

A good writer will:-

  1. Seek feedback on their work and know criticism is never personal.
  2. Learn how to work out what criticism is valid and should be applied and which is an opinion you have good cause not to agree with or implement.
  3. Know the first draft is always rubbish.  Ruder versions of that phrase are available...
  4. Accept that whether it's a short story or a novel, multiple drafts are a fact of life.  Far from being a depressing thought, a good writer will realise their own imperfections and see drafts as a chance of ironing out at least some of them!
  5. Reads a lot - and realise non-fiction can help spark ideas for stories so reads plenty of that too.
  6. Writes a lot and across genres.
  7. Never gives up.
  8. Accepts that Murphy's Law for Writers includes the premise your toner cartridge will always run out without warning when printing out anything, usually a novel, to be sent to a publisher/agent.  This is becoming less irritating with the increasing use of email for submissions.  I welcome that development as I couldn't tell you how often I got caught out by this law!
  9. Gives out (especially on social media) and shares what they like (and it's not always about their own work either).
  10. Backs up their work frequently.  Backs up their work frequently...  Backs up...  I once was caught out by a power cut and lost an evening's work.  Fortunately I had notes and I have a good typing speed but I swore at the time never again.  I also just swore... 
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GETTING IT WRONG IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

24/6/2015

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The clever trick in getting it wrong in the Fairy Kingdom is to do it in such a way, the end result is not your immediate death usually in a cloud of smoke because you've annoyed some witch or wizard.

Honestly, those people really ought to go for anger management counselling but until such time as they do, visitors to the magical realm would do well to know what they are visiting, what the etiquette is and have a powerful fairy godmother or someone of that ilk as their guide.  That at least improves the chances of leaving the place (a) alive and (b) with all of your bits, personal and otherwise, being where they should be or where they were when you first turned up.

Residents of the magical realm from all species and abilities get it wrong too but they are schooled at a very early age on all those things which will result in their death.  They are taught the "What Not to Do" school of thought and have this reinforced with workshops (attendance compulsory), lectures (attendance compulsory) and must re-read the classic fairy tales at least once a month (this is also compulsory.  There isn't much that is voluntary in the Fairy Kingdom).

This should make one thing clear.  The world of magic definitely has its downside.


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STORY TELLING IN THE FAIRY KINGDOM

23/6/2015

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Storytelling in the Fairy Kingdom follows the way it developed on Earth but with one proviso. 

The oral tradition is still alive and well in the magical realm.  Every village and town has twice weekly readings (usually up to ten stories per session).  Stories are chosen to reflect the type of resident.  Each magical species has its own version of what we consider to be the classic fairy tales.  (For example, the trolls have their own version of The Billy Goats Gruff and it ends with a barbecue!).

The Lord Chamberlain organizes twice weekly meetings in the Palace for all Household staff.  The Queen attends one of these sessions, believing the staff will welcome the other one without her.  She loves reading in bed for preference.  Eileen never attended these sessions.  After a hard day's monster fighting and once she'd freshened up and eaten, her idea of bliss was to read quietly in her luxurious Palace suite.  She definitely didn't want the shared experience.

Fairytales are taken seriously here and are seen as factual reports, almost like news items in the more reputable papers on Earth. 

The Fairy News Network has a story reading session broadcast from around the realm once a week.  It's a little like Songs of Praise in that whichever location is chosen for this honour, the hall concerned is packed with residents hoping to watch the broadcast and spot themselves on screen later.


Hell for me would be a world without books
Books are a wonderful thing and here are the anthologies I've appeared in to date. The Fairy Kingdom's readers would approve of The Shamblelurklers Return (Marit Meredith via Lulu) and Alternative Renditions (Bridge House Publishing) in particular.
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EILEEN'S JOB SKILLS

22/6/2015

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There's more to being a fairy godmother than just waving the old wand about (though Eileen is phenomenally good at that).

Crucial job skills for those who want to make a living in the magical world and, most of all, get to live longer than the average mayfly include:-

  1. Summing people/foul fiends/monsters/other magical beings up quickly and accurately.  You've got to know who you must zap and why before they get to sum you up and zap you.
  2. Being able to use magic appropriately.  There is no point in wasting magical energy.  It only drains the user and so can make them more vulnerable.  Eileen doesn't believe in being vulnerable to any other magical being.
  3. Having a wide range of spells to call on in an emergency.
  4. Knowing which of those spells is most appropriate for said emergency.
  5. Having a very wide range of defensive spells.  It's vital not to be caught out.  You are rarely given the equivalent of a magical fine here.  You live or you die.  That's it. 
  6. Knowing the pattern of stories.  History (and in the Fairy Kingdom fairy tales belong in that category) repeats itself.  Eileen knows this and tries to use this to her advantage.  It also helps with 1 above.
  7. Reading widely on the latest magical practices, being aware the more astute of your rivals are doing exactly the same thing. 
  8. Practising spells regularly and safely.  You don't want the things rebounding for one thing.  Regular practice here is the magical equivalent of athletic training, writers practising their craft and so on.
  9. Not being taken in by the glib.  For Eileen this means roadtesting new spells and magical techniques and deciding for herself what most suits her.  She only uses reviews (where given) as a rough guide only.  And she is always suspicious of anyone trying to charm her.  She believes they're after something she's not ready to give.  This attitude has stood her in very good stead over the years.
  10. Never ever letting any kind of apprentice work for her.  She regularly advises the more honourable wizards of the perils of this, advising them if they must take on help, never let them do the cleaning magically.  It rarely ends well.
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THE PERILS OF WORLD BUILDING

21/6/2015

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I think the biggest peril of world building is you can get so engrossed with that, you forget to write the story or don't remember that the story is the most important thing.  It is the tale you want to get across, not your background notes.

Another peril is getting on with the lovely creative stuff and forgetting your characters have to live somewhere and that the mundane things of life need to be covered (if only briefly.  Unless you are a dragon who can incinerate your own rubbish, a bin collection or waste disposal system of some sort is always needed, just to name one example).

A third peril is falling in love with your created world so much, you forget you actually live in this one.  (This one is understandable given how grim the news usually is).

The fourth peril is going for one of the two extremes.  You go into too much detail with your world building or, conversely, not enough.  Finding the happy medium is not always easy.  I've had a great deal of fun in exploring things (such as songs that fit my characters) which won't ever appear in my novels or short stories.  (Good material for a blog though!). 

And to finish I suppose I would name the fifth peril is of reading back the material you've created to help you write your story/know your characters better before writing them or both and it is lovely and clear to you.  It's hard to take a dispassionate look at material you are sharing or which is crucial to your story and think well is this clear enough?  (The reverse of this, of course, is to spell things out too clearly and come across as patronizing.  Hmm... perhaps that last sentence...   time to go I think!).
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FAIRY TALE MISCONCEPTIONS

19/6/2015

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One of the problems I've sometimes come across when trying to pitch my stories is the attitude some people have towards fairytales.  Part of the reason I use the phrase "fairytales with bite" to describe a lot of what I do is to try to banish the thought that fairytales are somehow twee little tales for kids. 

The moment someone says something like that to me tells me one thing about them immediately.  They haven't read the Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Anderson etc as if they had, they would never describe the tales as twee!

There is no way Disney could have made The Little Mermaid exactly as per the original story.  It would've been given an 18 certificate! 

I love fairytales because they're timeless and there is often a moral to them (without being preachy and I have sat through enough sermons to know this kind of thing doesn't work.  What you do want is something that makes you think and this is often a talk/sermon which is to the point and where you feel not one word has been wasted).

Fairytales are economical with words but also conjure up (literally!) images that stay with you usually for life.  I can still see images of Cinderella etc from the Disney films I haven't watched in decades.

I think my favourite thing about fairytales is you know justice will be dealt out to the wicked.  There's no mucking about.  You know they're going to come to a rough end  and that the injustices will be put right.  Then I watch the news and some horror is being perpetuated and I think....  well you can guess the rest I suspect!
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TOURIST TIPS FOR THE UNWARY

18/6/2015

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  1. If your map says "here be dragons", take it seriously.  Cartographers, even in the magical world, are not known for "mucking about".  There really are dragons about.
  2. If you are directed towards a yellow brick road, be aware that you are likely to be joined by some strange travelling companions.  On the plus side, they will think you are strange and so will fit in beautifully.
  3. If your journey takes you towards a volcano, it means you or anyone with you is carrying a ring with dreadful magical power.  This may be the point to jettison your travelling companions.  Do you really want to be mixed up in something that will inevitably be beyond you?
  4. If you do see a blue Police box apparently lying about, leave it alone.  The owner knows where it is (most of the time) and will come back to it.
  5. If you come across an old apple woman selling her wares, never take the big red, suspiciously shiny apple.  She's saving that for someone else and you don't want to get in the way.
  6. There is no such thing as an off the wall character in the magical world.  Everyone is off the wall.  Some more so than others (e.g.  Humpty Dumpty).
  7. Be careful as to who you allow to join your journey or whose journey you yourself join.  If you don't look out, you'll be on a hair raising adventure before you know it.
  8. Don't eat or drink anything that have suspicious labels attached to them.  At best you'll become massively tall. At worst you'll become micro minature. 
  9. I'd also beware of talking rabbits who keep looking at their watch.  This is a sure sign the world you're in has very different ideas from you as to what is normal or not.
  10. If you find a golden ticket in your chocolate bar, well done, but be aware that whoever is behind this idea has ideas of their own as to what they want to happen next.
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HOW EILEEN SEES OTHER WORLDS...

16/6/2015

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Prior to her defection to Earth, Eileen always saw other worlds as potentially interesting places to visit.  The fairy government disagreed.  They saw them as potential hazards but possibly as places to mine for good ideas the Fairy Kingdom could use and adapt.

Eileen, when on assignment, did whatever research she could and then got on with the job in hand.  Now on Earth, Eileen prefers not to think much about her past.  While still working for the Queen, if the monarch sent Eileen somewhere, the fairy godmother just went, knowing which side her bread was buttered. 

Eileen always took the opportunity to visit areas of natural beauty depending on which world she was on.  Earth is very well provided for here and some of Eileen's best photographs have been scenes on Earth.  The Queen has kind of inherited these views as Eileen just left her portraits behind in her hurry to get away. 

Eileen is far more open to other worlds than her cousin is, but this does not surprise anyone in the Fairy Kingdom.
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OTHER WORLDS

15/6/2015

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Fantasy and science fiction lead the way in portraying other worlds in fiction, which is one reason why these are my favourite genres.

However, alternative histories (such as imagining what would have happened had we lost World War 2) are also good at opening other worlds.  These books are also excellent at making you think about how history turns on specific incidents.  (In the case of losing World War 2, everything about life in Britain would have changed.  It's a mindboggling thought).

Books can take you to other places (literally in the case of travel books) but those places do not have to exist.  Other worlds can resemble ours on Earth or be totally alien.  But in creating other worlds, the writer has to be able to portray them in a way the reader can identify with, making them want to know more by continuing to read the story.

Other worlds have to have a hierarchy the reader can follow, a system of government which makes sense (if only to the occupants of those worlds), a way of getting news to either all of the people or those the government consider worthy of having the information (there's several stories in that alone).

Writers also need to be able to show what happens when things go wrong in their created other worlds.  They should be able to figure out what would happen if A occurred or if the official plan for dealing with situation B doesn't work out.

It can be useful to give some indication of how their form of government came about (there has to be a reason it is the way it is) and whether people are generally satisfied with this or if there is resentment.
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THE JOYS OF FAIRYTALES

15/6/2015

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A couple of limericks for fun.  The Poet Laureate's job is quite safe from me!


The joy of all fairytales for me
Is writing about worlds you can't see
The story magic abounds
With marvellous sights and loud sounds
And you may get the odd walking tree!


What you see is not what you may get
In the magical world, never bet
That those with a friendly face
Do not contain any trace
Of evil unleashed on those they've met.


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WHAT A GOOD STORY CAN DO FOR YOU

13/6/2015

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A good story stays with you long after you have finished reading it.  Writers are lucky in that if it is their story coming under this category, they also get the pleasure of writing it (and reading it first!).  Stories, for me, count as good if the characters are memorable, the plot gripping and I like them even more if there are one or two lines that I can recall word for word and which make me laugh.

Other signs of a good story are:-

  1. You can't put it down until you have read it through.
  2. If you are unlucky enough to have to stop reading it through first time, the very second you are free of whatever called you away sees you back to reading the story.  Nothing but nothing gets in your way.
  3. You have to tell others about it.
  4. The ending isn't necessarily happy but it is appropriate for the tale and memorable.
  5. You feel as if there isn't a word out of place.
  6. You feel as if there is nothing that could be added to the tale.
  7. You are very pleased if others read the tale and share your views over it.  Equally if you have written the tale, you are thrilled with the good feedback it generates.
  8. The story can be a short piece, flash fiction or a novel but whatever the length of the tale, it is right for that tale.
  9. The story takes you out of your surroundings for a while - and this doesn't just apply to fantasy and/or science fiction (where other worlds are taken as read).
  10. Whenever you re-read the story, you feel the same way you did the first time on finishing it.
  11. On re-reading the story, you pick up things you missed first go round and those things add to the depth of the tale.
  12. You appreciate the more subtle aspects of the character and plot (particularly on re-reading when you are more likely to be looking for these).
  13. If the story is nominated for a prize, you take any opportunities to vote for it to boost its chances of success.  However, if you are the author, this is (a) taken as read you will do this so it reduces the value and (b) is probably cheating as there is something underhand about voting for your own work unless this is specifically allowed.
  14. For writers, you appreciate the efforts behind a good story whether it is your own work or not.  For work which is not your own,  you play the "Guess how many edits it took to get to this stage" game!
  15. You can quote significant pieces of the tale at will.
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WHAT A GOOD EDITOR CAN DO FOR YOU...

13/6/2015

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A good editor is worth their weight in gold (or other precious metal of your choice!).  Some of the things a good editor can do to help make a writer improve their work are:-

  1. Spot the errors you miss.  This covers everything from spellings to grammatical mistakes.  Spelling is not just about the correct version for the word in question.  For example US spellings differ from ours in the UK.  What version you use depends on what market you're writing in/for.
  2. See things in the piece you miss.  This can lead to developing good links, helping you create other articles/stories and can give depth to your original work.
  3. Spot your repeated favourite phrases.  (All writers have them and they are as natural to write as it is for us to breath so you can develop "blindness" to when you have used these expressions too often).
  4. Steer your piece in the right direction for the market you're writing for.  The editor knows what their market is, who their readers are and how best to reach them.
  5. Stop you making an idiot of yourself!  This can range from picking up silly errors that a professional writer would not make to showing you unintentional meanings from your piece so  you can correct them before the piece appears.
To my editors, past and present, thank you very much!





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THE MAGIC OF SHORT STORIES...

11/6/2015

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I love reading and writing short stories.  I like to think of them as a snapshot in time, focussing on one event affecting the main character.

I'd like more time in which to read, which I suspect is the wish of most writers, but short stories give you a chance to read a complete tale in a short amount of time.  I like the 1500 to 2000 words type of short story and these are the ones I write the most of, but flash fiction is something I've taken up comparatively recently.

I have some collections of short stories on my shelves (mainly by P.G. Wodehouse).  One day I'd like at least one of my collections on that shelf. 

As a writer, the other thing I like about short stories is I can write them reasonably quickly, submit them and generally know whether they're accepted or not before too long.  If one place doesn't like a story, maybe somewhere else will. 

Equally rejection means I get a chance to look at the story again.  To date, every story where I took another look (and carried out another rewrite) improved it.  I have had pieces rejected, rewrote the piece, re-submitted it to the place I had in mind for it and then had the story accepted.  And knowing that rejection is never personal and it is a chance to review and improve the piece makes rejection much easier to handle.  Given every writer needs to get used to rejection, this is no bad thing.
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MAGIC IN THE ROYAL HOUSEHOLD

9/6/2015

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Magic in the Royal Household is  used routinely as we use machines.  The only spell that is banned outright is the one that a certain apprentice used to help him do the cleaning for his boss, a wizard, who was not thrilled at the resulting mess. 

The Lord Chamberlain uses magic to get around the vast Palace quickly and to help him organise his paperwork.  The Housekeeper uses magic to keep stores up together and to fetch ingredients (though when she cooks, she prefers to do so manually.  She cooks mainly for the staff.  The cooks, come the end of the day, are glad not to have to do so again.). 

Magic is also used to help with awkward cleaning (but no water based ones are allowed as mentioned).  The Queen's pictures are cleaned manually but by senior maids who have had training to do it properly.  And they are trained by the Housekeeper who had spent some time on Earth, studying how art galleries look after their exhibits.

The gardeners use spells to help boost plant growth (it's their version of adding fertilizer!).  Water for the plants comes from the lakes that feed the Fountain of Youth.  Plants grow quickly in the Palace grounds which in one way is great but does mean the gardeners end up doing a lot of pruning as there is a tendency for plants to "over grow".
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LIVING IN THE MAGICAL WORLD

9/6/2015

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There are advantages and disadvantages to living anywhere though I've listed some for the Fairy kingdom here.  Nobody will argue with the list which is amazing given there is very little common ground between the varying magical species. 

  1. You can improve your magical skills by zapping inanimate objects to your heart's content.  This can be fun!
  2. Improving your magical skills is a good way to work out the frustrations of the day.
  3. Thinking up ideas to prove your skills is a good test of your imagination.  
  4. If you deal with monsters, dragons etc, you can expect to be well rewarded by the Queen and/or her government.
  5. If you want to get into the record books, annoy Eileen and she'll set a new world record for the quickest time taken to turn someone into a frog.
  6. Magical transport - everything from flying carpets to fairy wings - is efficient, green, quick and reliable.  This cannot always be said for transport systems elsewhere.
  7. Risk of death by being blasted away by a wicked witch or wizard is quite high.  (There is no such thing as a life insurance policy in the Fairy Kingdom.  The insurance companies would go bankrupt).
  8. Magical food or food that is enhanced by magic simply does not taste as good as food that is freshly prepared and/or cooked.  It is thought magic gets into the food and corrupts it.
  9. Things are not always what they appear to be in the magical world.  Many have been caught out by this given anything can be enchanted to become a kind of magical booby trap if you have the know-how.
  10. When magical war does break out, it is vicious and spares nothing and nobody.






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the chief witch's favourite spells

8/6/2015

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The Chief Witch has a wide range of favourite spells.  Some of them are:-

  1. A successful spying spell in which she can gain information without being spotted by Eileen or the Queen. 
  2. A decent transformation spell.  Unlike Eileen who uses it as a punishment for offenders, the Witch transforms herself.  She is far too well known and if she wants to take people by surprise they literally shouldn't be able to see her coming.
  3. Invisibility.  The Witch uses this to aid spying.  She always uses this when trying to spy on the Queen.  Hanastrew and the squad know to look for this.
  4. A boost the broomstick spell which the Witch uses a lot to boost flying times and speeds.
  5. A shield spell.  The Witch is well aware there is little that can stop Eileen in her tracks when on the warpath but the Witch sees that as no reason not to try. 
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THE FAIRY QUEEN'S FAVOURITE SPELLS

7/6/2015

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Unlike Eileen who has a list of spells to help her do her job as fairy godmother efficiently, the Queen is interested in magic for its own sake and likes to use it creatively.  (Eileen literally thinks that a bit airy-fairy and won't have anything to do with it.  For her, magic must do a specific job and either get her out of trouble or land some low life element right in it!).  The Queen's favourite spells are:-

  1. To turn offenders into porcelain ranging from very common pottery for very common criminals to fine china for those of a higher rank who err.  The Queen is specific about choosing what is suitable for those who cross her.  (Eileen turns anyone into an amphibian and has done with it).
  2. The Queen is interested in art of all kinds and will use magic to help her enhance her own efforts at landscape painting.  This is a secondary hobby compared to her love of gardening but she produces a landscape once every quarter.  She will use magic to help her produce a depth of colour she does not feel she can produce on her own.  Eileen, naturally, sees this as cheating and has said so and is yet another reason why she is not always popular with her cousin.
  3. The Queen will sometimes use a spell on her Council to get them to speed up their speeches during meetings.  L'Evallier hates this and ensures she never has to use it on him.  He is well aware that in a way she has won here.  Eileen does admire the Queen for this and would do the same herself if she were monarch.  
  4. The Queen will use spells to conjure up food (especially chocolate based items) if she is too engrossed in paperwork to arrange for her staff to bring it to her or if it is at an awkward time or if she really wants to be on her own.  Hanastrew does not really approve because it is widely believed in the Kingdom that magic does taint food and nothing can beat fresh, natural food.
  5. The Queen likes using a good invisibility spell and uses this regularly, partly to help her ensure she does get some privacy when she wants it.  The Council do not approve and point out they need to be able to reach her at any time.  The Queen's response is she will simply reappear if they seem to be "flapping around like headless chickens".  That did not go down well.  It led Eileen to suggest her cousin develop a "be more tactful" spell only for the Queen to point out that Eileen could do with beta testing such a spell first.  That did not go down well either.
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GETTING READY FOR THE DAY JOB... THE LORD CHAMBERLAIN

7/6/2015

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The Lord Chamberlain runs the Royal  Household and is the most senior figure at the Palace after the Queen herself.  His day is a long one and, similar to his boss, involves meetings at various times during the day and a great deal of paperwork.  He does not use magic to help here as, like the Queen and Eileen, he is wary of the power of magic when dealing with papers.  The Sorcerer's Apprentice is a very well known tale in the Kingdom and magic has been known to set papers alight so the Lord Chamberlain will not use spells to help him do his job.

The first meeting of the day is with the Queen over an early cup of tea in the royal study.  His role is to update the monarch on any problems arising with staff and/or with those normally resident in the Palace (this includes the Council).  The Queen brings to his attention anything concerning her and it is expected by the end of that day the problems are dealt with.  They normally are.  Nobody argues much with the Lord Chamberlain partly out of respect for him but mainly because they know the Queen will back him up every time.  He is like a father figure to her.

The Lord Chamberlain's second meeting of the day is held over breakfast which he always shares with the Royal Housekeeper.  Magic is used to help keep supplies topped up and to import items from Earth.  Earth food goes down very well, particularly chocolate.  The Royal Housekeeper is directly responsible for staff discipline and anything she can't manage goes to him.  This is why Stan and Wes, when being reckless individuals who spent most of their time fighting, were sent to her to deal with and afterwards she sent them to the Lord Chamberlain.  Even he had to give up with these two which is why the Queen exiled them both to Earth.  Nobody in the Household was sorry about this. 

The next meeting is at lunch where the morning's work is reviewed with both the Queen and the Royal Housekeeper.  The Lord Chamberlain then has some richly deserved time off before coming back on duty again for about 4 pm.  Gardening staff also report to him at about this time.  Finally after dinner, the Lord Chamberlain meets again with the Queen to bring her up to date with the events of the day from the Royal Household's viewpoint before having the rest of the evening off. 




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EILEEN'S TOP SPELLS

6/6/2015

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Eileen has her favourite spells, as do all fairy godmothers, witches and wizards (evil or otherwise).  Decide for yourself if you want to get in the way of any of the following:-

  1. Turning folk who cross her into frogs, toads or any other kind of amphibian.  (Eileen likes to mix this up a bit as she appreciates variety in her work).  She also places the victim in the middle of a heron colony...  if you get out alive, you have done well.   It is also very unlikely as Eileen knows only too well.
  2. Turning folk who cross her into statues.  This is mainly used by Eileen to prove it isn't just her cousin, the Fairy Queen, who can do this.   Privately, Eileen thinks this is a bit boring.  She thinks statues are generally without interest.  On Earth she has no time for the living statues and there have been times she has had to fight down the "trigger instinct" to turn these into porcelain.
  3. Turning those who cross her into dust.  Simple, very effective and no chance of anyone coming back for a revenge attack.
  4. Boosting her spells' efficiency by speeding up "take up" time.  Eileen, when casting spells, doesn't believe in hanging about.  This is roughly the equivalent of speeding up your PC by removing temporary files, cookies etc.
  5. Using a specific spell to help her create wonderful meals for Derek and herself.  Jenny considers this cheating.  So does her mother.  The difference?  Eileen simply doesn't care.

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GETTING READY FOR THE DAY JOB... RODISH

6/6/2015

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The late, much missed Rodish was Chief Dwarf and leader of the Queen's Council before his murder by the Chief Witch.  Being a practical fellow, he liked to keep Council meetings short to ensure they did not become a kind of talking shop.  This did much to endear him to his monarch.

Every Council member was the head of their respective species and, as such, would bring their species' concerns to the Queen.  Rodish was scrupulous on this and never missed a chance to show dwarves in a good light.  Rodish had done much to promote mine safety as well and, above or below ground, made sure other dwarves knew they could turn to him and rely on him to represent them properly.

Rodish wasn't keen on paperwork but realized the need to keep on top it of it so had one session a day on this.  Most of this was dealing with correspondence from his fellows and it was a point of pride for him that he replied to everything. 

When Council work became too much, he would take himself off for a working holiday down a mine and always came back covered in soot but much refreshed.  His daily routine at the Palace was to get his paperwork for the day out of the way by 9, have a late but good breakfast in the State Dining Room (where he loved catching up on all the gossip affecting all species) before going to Council meetings and, later in the day, meeting fellow dwarves around the realm.  Rodish also made a point of going back to his Amnerbury constituency regularly too.  This was a good way of ensuring minor problems never got a chance to develop into major ones.
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GETTING READY FOR THE DAY JOB...ROHERUM

3/6/2015

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Roherum believes in getting ready for the day job in plenty of time.  He always has notebooks and pens on him and will write down anything he think he might use.  He also believes in maintaining a professional demeanour at all times and spends ages in make-up before the evening's FNN broadcast.  His rival, the weatherman, feels Roherum needs all the make-up help he can get.

Roherum writes his own scripts for the broadcasts (much to the despair of the weatherman, as there is no pun Roherum will not use in his attempts to be funny).  He spends a good couple of hours a day on these as he likes to prepare one for that day's usage and another one for the next day, which gives him enough time to feed in any developing news.

Roherum also presents other shows on FNN including This Week's Royal Gossip Show.  He gets a lot of his information here from the historical records kept in the Palace Library.  The Queen would like to ban the show and Roherum here but realizes, thanks to L'Evallier forcibly telling her so, that this would make the presenter a martyr.  L'Evallier rightly worries Roherum would capitalize on that.  The Queen continues to derive some pleasure from the fact Roherum has not yet earned a "gong".  She also feels it is the only real effective hold she has over the journalist as she knows any other form of bribery will somehow make it into the news. 

So Roherum spends his mornings getting ready for the evening broadcast, preparing his scripts and brainstorming ideas for future broadcasts.  The afternoons are spent in checking out potential new stories before returning to the studio for the make-up session.  After each nightly FNN news broadcast, Roherum likes to unwind with a glass of whiskey, imported from Earth.
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GETTING READY FOR THE DAY JOB... L'EVALLIER

1/6/2015

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L'Evallier's preparations for the day job are very different to Eileen's.  If he knows he will be seeing the Queen he will prepare pages of notes for himself as to what to ask, what he thinks she may ask, and problems he can see coming up.  The latter he likes to warn his monarch about in good time so she cannot claim she wasn't warned.

If a Council meeting is due, L'Evallier will have made notes several days previously and will spend the day going through these.  He likes to keep meetings sharp and to the point.  It has been noted the meetings he runs are noticeably shorter.  This is appreciated by the Queen (though it not the reason L'Evallier does this.  He has never seen the point of talking for its own sake.  Meetings should always achieve something and not for setting a record as to how long they go on for!).

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    Author

    I'm Allison Symes and I write novels, short stories as well as some scripts and poems.  I love setting my work in my magical world, the Fairy Kingdom, and my favourite character is Eileen, who believes hypocrisy is something that happens to other people without caring that statement is hypocritical in itself!  Eileen is huge fun to write for and about. 

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