- We need you to go and drop this dodgy ring down a volcano. Yes, we know it's miles away but it's not as if you're doing anything else and you can at least enjoy the countryside along the way.
- Look, it is a high honour to be picked to be the human sacrifice. What are you moaning about?
- What Dark Lord? Oh that Dark Lord? Oh didn't we tell you about him?
- The dwarves are getting tetchy. They're starting to throw axes around. Someone made a wise crack about their height. Didn't we tell you not to do that?
- What every witch needs is someone who could be target practice for the latest spells. Doing anything are you?
- Would anyone miss you if you don't go home?
- Hello, yes I am a talking wolf. Funnily enough I haven't had lunch. I'm not vegetarian. Why do you ask?
- I am the troll that guards the bridge and I'm sick and tired of goat meat. The Billy Goats Gruff were a bit on the tough side. I'm really in the mood for some nice tender steak... pauses... you look nice.
- To survive this world, you've got to be able to do magic. Pauses. Nobody told you? You're sure about that? I'm sure we put notices up. Oh. Well too late now. You'll just have to do the best you can. Off you go. No. You can't stop here. The man eating ogre turns up at 10.
- It's okay, you can relax. There are no vampires here. There are werewolves, monsters, ogres and so on but no vampires. They'll be so glad to see you too. They don't get many visitors. (And none that come back for a second visit).
I'm Allison Symes and I write novels, short stories as well as some scripts and poems. I love setting my work in my magical world, the Fairy Kingdom, and my favourite character is Eileen, who believes hypocrisy is something that happens to other people without caring that statement is hypocritical in itself! Eileen is huge fun to write for and about.