QUESTIONS BEST NOT ASKED - OF A WRITER

1. You've been working on that novel for ages.  Don't you think you should hurry up a bit?  Author X brings out three books a year.  (If you want to at least appear nice, you as the writer definitely don't reply to this one but smile nicely, while hoping your audience doesn't spot you're actually gritting your teeth).
   
2. How many edits do you need?  I heard Author X only needs two...  (If you've already got an inferiority complex, this isn't going to help.  If, however, you need bringing down a peg or two, this should do the task quite nicely).
   
3. Short stories must be so easy to write.  You haven't got so much to do as with a novel, have you?  (I have heard things similar to this though, thankfully not to my face - yet!  The polite short story writer will be struggling to resist the urge to swear copiously at this point).
   
4. All poetry must rhyme.  (With apologies to my poet friends, but I bet you have all heard that in your time).
   
5. How come it has taken so long for you to get anything published?  (The average writer will be suppressing the urge to find something hard and nasty to throw at whoever asks them this.  If published, well you know how difficult it can be to get to that point.  If not, this question really rubs it in).